Our culture is child centric. Whether we want to admit it or not, most families’ lives revolve around the children, and with good reason. Children have immediate and important needs that pull us in like the cyclonic winds of a tornado and keep us spinning for 18 years and then some. But the genesis of every family is the couple that created the children. So, how do we honor that without shirking our duties as parents?
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Clearly, this becomes easier as our children get older and become more independent. But there is also an expectation from teenagers and young adults that their parents will always be home and present when they need them—basically waiting to fix problems or fulfill any needs that may pop up on the fly while they happily attend to their busy lives without us for the most part.
Given this fact, we need to learn how to balance their pop-up needs with our need to re-connect with the place where it began, to find our way back to the couple who made it all possible.
This past weekend we went on a trip to Vermont with my dad, his wife, my sister, her husband and other adult members of our family. Ironically, it happened to be our wedding anniversary as well, a fact that I almost forgot about until just a few days before the trip because I was so busy.
The journey was a brief, but a welcome respite from the push and pull of our daily lives. We stayed at an inn nestled among the brilliant hues of fall foliage and rolling hills.
Like the changing colors of the leaves, we too change with the seasons, with age. Yet, I still believe it is possible to find that girl again if I try hard enough—the bright green leaf unfettered by life’s daunting challenges, the girl whose hopes and dreams (some realized, some not), ultimately led to this lovely, chaotic, interesting life with a cyclonic family centered around two beautiful and precocious young women.
Lately, I see more glimpses of that girl, that young wistful couple that came before everything else. One thing I know for sure, I will keep chasing her shadow wherever she takes me until I finally catch up with her again …
Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books, including some about motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.