I brought my mother home today. It was a very different kind of homecoming. She passed away one year ago today at the age of 96. We conducted a lovely church service for her at the time. There was no casket, and no viewing - my mother actually donated her body to the Duke Anatomical Gifts Program (The Anatomical Gifts Program | Duke School of Medicine) for research and study. She was taken there within an hour of her death. We knew that it would potentially be several months, or even years, before Duke returned her ashes. We were all proud and respectful of her decision, and she has inspired me to do the same thing - hopefully not before I’m 96!
That being said, I received a call yesterday from Duke indicating that her ashes were now back. I scheduled a time to retrieve her, and will now safeguard her remains in my home until we have a private grave site service for her in early February in her hometown of Clinton, where she will be buried with her mother and father, and her first husband, our Dad.
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I wonder if she has any idea what she has missed? She would be thrilled to know that two of her daughters have realized their dreams of living at the Coast — one from Clinton, who had been planning this move for some time, and one who returned after living over 40 years in Knoxville, Tennessee. She would probably not believe that I actually retired this year. She knew that I loved my profession, and how much it meant to be part of WRAL-TV. Her grandson is a third year medical resident at East Carolina Medical Center. It is very likely he will end up practicing in North Carolina, which means my brother and his wife may move here as well. It’s a surprise to all four of us that we’re coming together again in North Carolina not far from where we grew up. This would make her happy, though she may be wondering aloud, “Why the heck didn’t you move here when I was around???”
Mama would be saddened to know that her dear friend from Clinton, who lived across the hall from her at their assisted living facility for the last few years, passed away last summer. Her friend did not last long after Mama died. Well, hopefully, they are together in Heaven- only now, they can both see and hear, and move around without walkers! No doubt they are laughing over old jokes, and probably still complaining about the food.
It has been a strange year without Mama. While we were not always close when I was growing up, we were very much alike. Both strong-willed and independent, with a penchant for sarcasm, we often tried each other’s patience and enjoyed arguing at the drop of a hat. She did, however, give me the opportunity to be myself, whether she agreed with that path or not. In the last few years of her life, I visited her as often as I could, going out for lunch or dinner, her favorite activity. We would share laughs, discuss all the foibles of her other children, and sometimes cry, but I would never let her enjoy a pity party for long. As I look back on these memories, I have to face the reality that the one person who loved me unconditionally throughout my life has gone.
But, I am grateful that she is at peace and will soon be back home again.