The first time a child comes home from college, you are looking for the changes. Does she look different? Is she acting differently?
The changes may be subtle, but they are there. The narcissism that comes along with having a charmed middle class upbringing is chipped away by things like communal living, having to do your own laundry and walking everywhere you go.
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You may call it maturity, the natural process of growing up once a child leaves home. But I think it is more than that. I think it is the growing realization that life is not easy, that ultimately, we are responsible for taking care of ourselves. It’s hard to learn that until you are truly on your own.
On the one hand, a college student revels in the freedom of not having a parent look over his or her shoulder. On the other hand, it is scary not having a parent to look over your shoulder and tell you how to live.
My daughter came for a visit this weekend, the first one since going off to college. And while I didn’t notice anything tangible, anything I can document, I did notice a more patient, flexible and understanding nature about her.
She listened to me without interrupting and didn’t immediately dismiss what I had to say. She let me linger in her room a little longer than usual. Anyone who has a teenager knows what I’m talking about. We talked like two adults without the normal tension that exists between mothers and daughters who live under the same roof.
It made me think about the fact that going away from home is about a lot more than just getting an education. It’s about learning how to be in the world, a world that is sometimes complicated, challenging, and unfair. But the beauty of having a family that loves you is that you always have people to come home to who will support you and accept you for who you are.
I can’t wait to see who she’s going to be. So far, the glimpses that I’m getting are pretty hopeful. Thanks college ...
Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including some on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.