Mom took a bad fall, broke her hip and after a brief hospitalization for surgery, landed in rehab, where she has been getting physical and occupational therapy for two weeks. The doctor has just told you they’re going to discharge her soon--in two to three days.
"Two to three days?!" you think. You know she's not steady enough on her feet to return home and your home isn't an option either. You also know, because you’ve read my earlier article on the cost of Assisted Living (they tend to run $3500 up to $8500/month based on quality and level of care), that you and your mom haven't done your homework and picked one in case this happens. You are not in the position to pick one quickly, sign a contract, pay the deposit and first month's rent, and move her in.
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What do you do?
There are really two options. You can bring in home help and there are many high quality agencies in the Triangle to call, but if you need 24/7 care, this quickly gets very expensive. Even at the lowest rate of $20/hour, that would run $480/day. (See another article on this.)
A second option many do not know about is that some Assisted Living and Memory communities offer respite care. Respite care usually involves a minimum commitment of two weeks and a maximum of four weeks.
It's a wonderful option because not only does it provide a ready, furnished apartment for mom, but more importantly, it enables mom (and the rest of the family) to be cared for during a fragile period and also get a feel for a community, and the food and healthcare and administration and activities and other residents without having to make a big investment.
How do you find one?
There are a handful--I know of only four at the moment--of places set up to provide this in this area. It’s worth noting that this isn’t a fixed list either. It all depends on whether the community has a certain number of open rooms and no prospective new residents.
Just like in a hotel (or maybe even more so), vacant rooms cost the establishment plenty and it’s better to have them filled, even temporarily and often at a lower rate, than have them empty.
An important detail is that these respite options often require a minimum of 14 days and must be paid for out-of-pocket. The daily cost can range from $150 to $275/day, depending on whether it’s a private or shared room, the level of care needed, the quality of care, location, and amenities. While this cost can seem daunting, what might be more daunting is bringing mom home and sleeping on a cot by her bed, should she need help getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, getting dressed, etc. Or there's the $480/day, if you bring in home help 24/7.
Remember: As the doctor will tell you on discharge: Once mom’s had one fall, she’s at greater risk of having a second one.
Respite care also might have the side benefit of softening mom up to the idea of Assisted Living. While mom was at home, she may have never even considered it as an option, but after a fall, and once she experiences the perks of having someone else prepare meals, participating in activities, being more social and close to a nurse, should any health questions arise, mom herself may come to understand that Assisted Living might actually be the right decision at this time.
The nice thing is that with respite care, if mom improves over those two to four weeks with daily physical therapy, she might be able to safely go home and there won’t be the issue of a lost community fee or moving her furniture and belongings back home. And if you’re a working parent like me, every bit of saved time, effort and worry, sure is a blessing.