Anybody know what counties do?

AUSTIN, Texas -- There are 254 of them, alphabetically from Anderson to Zavala. Every Texan lives in one.

Because we're Texas, we have more of them than any other state. Georgia, improbably, is second with 159. Delaware has only three. Alaska doesn't have any, opting instead for 19 "organized boroughs" and one unorganized one. Louisiana also doesn't have any, opting instead for parishes.

Our most populous one is Harris with 4.65 million people. Loving has the fewest people, 81, as of 2017.

Square-mileage-wise, Brewster's our biggest with 6,193 (though it's only the 39th largest in the U.S.) and Rockwall's our smallest with only 149.

Counties, folks. We're talking counties, easily the least understood level of Texas government. Quick, tell me who your county commissioner is.

Texas counties have an identity problem. That's not me saying that. That's the Texas Association of Counties saying that. And it's a problem that lingers -- so much so that the association is taking another shot at getting attention for its entertainingly informative video, produced in 2016 and re-promoted this week in a tweet that said, "What exactly does a county do? Find out here."

The video features characters identified as a "McLennan County girl," a city girl from Waco who asks, "All that county stuff is in the country, right?" and a state guy who assures the city girl, "Hold on there, missy. Whether you live in the city or not, you're just as much a part of the county as anyone else."

An off-screen Voice of God chimes in with "That's right. And your state, your city and your county all have important jobs to do."

Counties, the Voice (who turns out to be a guy named Chet) intones, are "where the rubber meets the road on carrying out the state's priorities."

Counties, we're told, run courts and jails, provide law enforcement, run elections, register voters, build and maintain roads, provide health care for low-income residents, collect taxes and keep track of who owns land, who's been born and who's dead.

And you thought all counties did was run rodeos. Oh, ye of little factual information.

On the video, City Girl, suddenly sounding like a substitute civics teacher, sums it all up: "Oh, so I get it. The county is actually the political subdivision enabled by the Texas Constitution to carry out state laws but with direct and connected relationship to the people it serves."

Here's some more about our least understood level of government, including a bit about some confusing things that contribute to the confusion. The elected body in charge of counties is called the commissioners court. It's not a court like you think of courts. The presiding person in this not-a-court court is the county judge. The county judge is not a judge in the way you think of judges.

Some fun facts about counties:

From 1942 through 1990, Harris County had a county commissioner named E.A. "Squatty" Lyons. Politically, you didn't mess with Squatty.

Missouri and Oklahoma (Oklahoma?!) have counties named Texas. Texas does not have a county named Texas.

Many Texas cities are not in the counties of the same name. Austin is not in Austin County. Anderson is not in Anderson County. Houston is not in Houston County. Burleson is not in Burleson County. Rusk is not in Rusk County. Henderson is not in Henderson County. Caldwell is not in Caldwell County. Cameron is not in Cameron County. Crockett is not in Crockett County. Terrell is not in Terrell County. Jefferson is not in Jefferson County. Johnson City is not in Johnson County.

And we wonder why the people are so confused.

More: Tyler's not in Tyler County. And Taylor's not in Taylor County. Somebody should fix this, though it would be kind of fun if Tyler was in Taylor County and Taylor was in Tyler County.

On the plus side (and, like the list above, this one isn't all-inclusive), some cities are where they should be: Dallas is in Dallas County, Denton is in Denton County, Galveston is in Galveston County, Lubbock is in Lubbock County, El Paso is in El Paso County and Bastrop is in Bastrop County.

My personal favorite: Gail is in Borden County and Borden County is named for Gail Borden. Moo!

One more: If you don't know what county Jacksboro is in, you don't know Jack.

Popular misconception: The Texas Constitution does not require every county to have at least one commissioner named Bubba or Booger. It just happens (unless you have one named Squatty).

The Texas Association of Counties video has found an audience, garnering over 11,000 views, 133 thumbs up and six thumbs down.

Comments include these about counties:

"And they all take bribes and flout the law."

"We do not need county government. It's just more overhead."

Perhaps a follow-up video is needed.

Ken Herman is a columnist for the Austin American-Statesman. Email: kherman(at)statesman.com.

Story Filed By Cox Newspapers

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