Hey Santa, can we ask you something?

Even after hundreds of years of working on a federal holiday and tallying billions of names in the bad and good columns of what must be a nightmarish Excel spreadsheet, Santa Claus maintains a sunny outlook on humanity.

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We know, because we surveyed close to 700 of Santa's helpers across the country -- you know, those costumed, bearded folks who help represent Santa's spirit to kids in shopping malls and Christmas parties -- and nearly 83 percent of them said they find most people to be nice, rather than naughty (16 percent said it's about 50/50, and 1.3 percent said naughty).

We contacted schools that train those Santa helpers, trade organizations and a business that caters to Santas seeking cookie and peppermint-scented colognes. With the help of the International Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas, the Santa Claus Conservatory, Pro Santa School and SantaScents, we distributed a 25-question survey to those standing in for Santa across the United States to find out more about those who wear the red suit during the Christmas season.

Some of the questions were modeled after the actual U.S. Census. That's how we found out that Santa is generally a married, white, Christian father, with at least some college under his (wide, black) belt, though there were 17 Santas in the group who'd never married or had children of their own.

While the majority of Santas identified as Christian, he doesn't necessarily identify with a religion that traditionally celebrates Christmas; we heard from seven Jewish and seven Buddhist Santa Clauses.

Of course, when you're talking about the jolly old elf you have to have some fun, too. That's why we know that Santa's favorite cookies are chocolate chip, and that he loves Miracle on 34th Street but dislikes Bad Santa. He rides a motorcycle 19 percent of the time, and has a tattoo more often than that.

Cookie preference

What kind of cookies does Santa prefer that you leave for him?

Chocolate chip 40.32%

Oatmeal raisin 13.69%

White chocolate macadamia nut 6.79%

Snickerdoodle 6.20%

Sugar cookie 5.47%

Peanut butter 5.47%

Gingerbread 3.84%

Shortbread 2.07%

Oreo 1.03%

Fig Newton 0.36%

None, I'm diabetic 0.36%

Fortune cookie 0.00%

Digestive biscuit 0.00%

Other 14.48%

His outlook on humanity

When we asked Santas, do you find most people to be naughty or nice?

82.6%

chose "Nice"

1.3%

chose

"Naughty"

16.1%

chose "It's about 50/50"

Santa demographics

How old is Santa?

61: Average age of respondents 31: Youngest 81: Oldest

Family status

83.5% of Santas are married

6.6% are divorced or separated

2.9% are single and never married

11.69% have no children of their own

Santa's politics

Which political party do you identify with most?

Pct. Number

Republican 39.37% 263

Democrat 13.62% 91

Independent 31.29% 209

Wouldn't say 15.72% 105

Santa's race

Pct. Number

White 95.73% 605

Hispanic, Spanish or Latino 0.32% 2

Black or African-American 0.32% 2

American Indian or Alaskan Native 0.47% 3

Asian 0.00% 0

Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander 0.00% 0

From multiple races 1.27% 8

Santa's religion

What is your current religion, if any?

Christian/Protestant/Methodist/Lutheran/Baptist 61.52%

Catholic 14.41%

Mormon 4.01%

Greek or Russian Orthodox 0.59%

Jewish 1.04%

Muslim 0.00%

Buddhist 1.04%

Hindu 0.15%

Atheist or agnostic 5.65%

Nothing in particular 7.43%

Other 4.16%

What does Santa get paid?

$5883.54

Average expected earnings in a season

$55,000

Highest any Santa expected

More than 6% of Santas only do unpaid, volunteer work, and more than 40% will do both paid and volunteer Santa work this year

40% of Santas are retired and do not work another job

35.9% of Santas are veterans of the U.S. armed forces

He has a tough job

Many Santas told us that they've had to deal with a tough request, as well as beard pulling, hitting or dirty diaper issues.

49%

have had a child ask them for a weapon as a gift

51%

have had a child ask them to reunite separated parents

95%

have had a child question if they were real