Amanda Lamb: Thanks, Mom

Each year I struggle with finding a new way to examine my evolving views on Mother’s Day. In mid-life, we are caught between being mothers ourselves and honoring our own mothers. It’s a limbo that never allows us to fully embrace the day. And, as mothers of children who are not yet out of the nest, there is no such thing as a day off.

Both my mother and my husband’s mother have passed away. We both have stepmothers whom we admire and love, and this year we had the opportunity to spend time with his stepmother and extended family. I believe it’s important to honor the mothers, grandmothers, aunts—the women who helped shape us from multiple generations.

For me, my husband always initiates some thoughtful celebration with my girls that usually involves flowers and a home-cooked meal. I appreciate it, but I am still left with bittersweet feelings that I cannot call my own mother and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. After all, I was a daughter long before I was a mother.

In short, motherhood is a complicated proposition. We love our children, and yet, what most mothers would probably enjoy the most on the holiday is time, time to do whatever we please. But family life is like a whirling dervish orbiting the sun that doesn’t take breaks for Hallmark holidays. So, we are left with appreciating the brunch, the flowers, the cards that show our children’s gratitude for what we do 365 days a year.

I know I didn’t appreciate my own mother for all she did for me until I was much older. Sure, there were the tangible things like making meals, buying me clothes, helping me with homework, driving me around, but it was the things I couldn’t see at the time that I now value the most nine years after her death.

She taught me to be kind, confident, hard-working, and comfortable in my own skin. She taught me the value of creating a tribe of trusted friends to journey through life with. She taught me to never stop being curious, to take risks, and above all, to believe in myself even when it feels like nobody else does.

So, on this day I send a silent thanks to Madeline for the gifts she gave me that keep revealing themselves year after year. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Thanks for everything …