Go Ask Mom

5 tips to stop comparing yourself to other moms

So, how can we identify comparison, address it and prevent it from creeping into our motherhood?

Posted Updated

By
Stephanie Llorente
, WRAL contributor

I’m naturally competitive. I want to win. And that means, I want to do it – whatever “it” is – better than the person beside me. That level of drive has served me well in my career, marriage and motherhood, but that same competitive spirit also has a blind spot. It’s called comparison, and it’s a trap most moms get sucked into at one point or another – and we don’t even realize it most of the time!

It starts innocently enough – by browsing Pinterest, listening to podcasts, checking a friend’s Facebook status, flipping through a magazine. It grips us – lightly at first, and stronger as time passes. And then it steals from us. It steals our joy. It steals our time. It steals our mindset. It steals our compassion for other moms.

And that’s not OK.

So, how can we identify comparison, address it and prevent it from creeping into our motherhood? I have no perfect answers, but I’ll share what I’ve been doing recently to minimize its impact in my personal life.

1. Monitor the Intake – What goes in, also comes out. What we watch, listen to and engage with can encourage or discourage us from comparing ourselves to others. I’m beginning to turn down the volume on things that aren’t beneficial. This is especially true where social media is concerned.
2. Define Success – I recently spoke with family, co-workers and friends about what success looks like – for me. I say “for me” because my goals, priorities and family life look different than yours – and that diversity of desires is a good thing! So, without looking to the right or to the left at what other women, other businesses or other families are doing, I’m becoming laser-focused on what’s right for my family and career. When success is defined and we have something to run toward, it’s easier to cheer for others as they achieve their own goals.
3. Stay in Your Lane – Nothing kills comparison faster, but – full disclosure – this one is hard. With success defined, we have a clear roadmap to our destination…but there are still lots of lanes on that roadmap – some lanes are exclusively mine; some are lanes others have built; some are detours leading to a dead end. And I’m tempted to explore all of them! But it’s not beneficial – for me, or for others.
4. Confront Comparison Agitators – I hate confrontation. BUT I also know that it’s necessary for progress. Sometimes confrontation looks like unfollowing social media accounts that encourage comparison. Sometimes it means setting boundaries in conversations that feed off comparison. Sometimes it’s asking someone to hold you accountable. My husband plays that role for me and constantly reminds me of my lane.
5. Model Healthy Habits – Our kids are watching us, and we have an obligation to shepherd them well. They hear us when we say things like, “She’s so much skinnier than me.” They notice our jealousy of another mom’s well-earned family vacation. And they witness the impact of our comparative self-talk. So, let’s do better by modeling healthy behaviors and cheering for the women beside us rather than creating unspoken competition.
Stephanie Llorente is a mother of two children and a regular Go Ask Mom contributor. She is the owner of Prep Communications and Restored, which is a faith-based business that delivers relevant resources and intentional community to working moms.​

Related Topics

 Credits 

Copyright 2024 by Capitol Broadcasting Company. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.