'This Is Us' recap: A deep dive into Deja

Tuesday night’s episode pressed pause on the Pearson family drama and took a deep dive into the life of Deja. Based on the end of the episode, it seems that Deja’s character will become a permanent figure on the show.

But let’s circle back…how did Deja end up with Randall and Beth?

The episode begins as Shauna is giving birth in the hospital, accompanied by her grandmother. Shauna is 16 years old and is clearly not ready to be a parent. After some straight talk from grandma, she holds Deja for the first time.

As the three get a little older, we see that things haven’t really changed. Shauna is out late with a boy, doesn’t pay bills and never seems to put Deja first. When grandma dies suddenly after collapsing in the hallway, Shauna and Deja’s world is rocked. Shauna holds a 5-year-old Deja in her arms and asks, “What are we going to do?” This is a lot to ask of a child…foreshadowing much?

While life was never easy for the mom and daughter duo, the two seem happy. Shauna has a job, and Deja is going to school and running as fast as the boys (GO GIRL!). Around the age where we first met Deja, she decides she is going to cook a surprise birthday dinner for her mom. She accidently cuts her hand on a shoddy can opener and calls Shauna. When she doesn’t answer the phone, Deja takes herself to the hospital.

Child enters hospital alone. Enter Linda.

I like Linda. I don’t know, but she seems to be an unsung hero of the show. I’m a fan. But based on the circumstances, Deja is taken away from her mother and spends the night on Linda’s office couch. Unfortunately, Linda finds out Shuana started uses drugs because she is sad about losing Deja. Shauna ends up in rehab, adding to the time Deja will spend in foster care.

Linda finds a home for Deja at the Millers. The Millers already have one foster child, Raven, who seems to be around the same age as Deja. The two dance to music in their room and talk about life while in bunk beds. Life seems OK, until we find out that Mr. Miller hits Raven. Not OK.

One day, Raven calls Deja “soft” and persuades her to steal from a local drug store. When Mr. Miller finds out what the two did, he beats Raven. Deja is horrified. During a visit from Linda, Deja tells her that Mr. Miller hits the two girls.

Deja thinks she has done the girls a favor, but Raven is angry. Raven tells Deja she has lost count of the number of beds she’s slept in, and that all Mr. Miller did was hit them – it could have been worse. She also tells Deja not to be dumb: When Deja finds a bed in a home that is remotely safe, she should do whatever she can to not mess it up. This whole conversation breaks my heart.

Deja is shuffled around foster homes, but eventually ends up back with her mother, who is out of rehab and seems stable. Shauna has a new boyfriend, who tries to win Deja over, but that doesn’t last long. The guy starts drinking again and has buddies taking over Shauna’s and Deja’s house. It is his gun the police find in Shauna’s car – which lands Shauna in jail and Deja back in foster care.

Enter Randall and Beth.

OK, so we know now how Deja ended up at the Pearson home. Phew, got it. We see a montage of familiar scenes – Beth doing Deja’s hair, Deja cutting her hair - working to speed through time to get to present day. Anyone else shed a tear again when Randall says goodbye to Deja? Because I sure did.

We see Deja trying to pawn clothes, even debating on giving up her grandmother’s broach to get money to pay bills. We see the phone call exchange between Randall and Deja while The Big Three is in Vegas. We see Shauna and Deja getting evicted from their apartment, and we see Randall and Beth stumble upon the car where they were sleeping.

Present day. Shauna and Deja join the family for a shower, a good meal, a game of Uno and a movie. As Deja goes upstairs to her old room, Shauna confides to Beth that she has never seen Deja act the way she had that night – like a kid. Shuana knows she failed her daughter.

Meanwhile, Randall is upstairs having a sweet chat with Deja. When Deja first arrived, Randall told her that she reminded him of himself. Deja thought it was crazy, but now she realizes it is not so crazy. She talks about how every person sleeps at night, whether they are rich or poor, or if they sleep in a bed or on the floor. Everybody sleeps. And, if you think even harder, we all have things that cause us pain. We all have things that comfort us – profound thoughts for a kid. We also realize why the writers has spliced in little flashbacks of Pearson family history throughout the episode.

When Randall comes back downstairs, he sees Shauna at the door with her bags packed. She’s crying as she says that she has to go, but that Deja can’t go with her. Randall and Beth stand there in silence.

Cue season finale…and of course, all the tears. I’m not ready. Are you?