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Why your bad marriage is your parent's fault

Posted July 15

From the day you were born to the day you turned 18, your parents were in charge. They told you what was right and wrong, set the rules of the house, controlled what activities you would take part in and helped you become the person you are today. But did you know they also helped to mold the relationship you have with your spouse?

There are 12 hidden qualities you likely learned from your parents that significantly affect the type of relationship you have with your spouse.

1. Abandonment

When your parents left you with a babysitter and you cried your eyes out … that fear never left. This is why you may often cling to your spouse.

2. Entitlement

As a child you were able to do a lot of what you wanted. Do you expect that now? If you hate to be constrained, you likely have a hard time sticking to the rules you and your spouse have made.

3. Dependence

Your parents did a lot for you as kid and the thought of not having someone constantly helping you is worrisome. Being incapable of making a decision by yourself negatively affects your relationship because you constantly need your spouse's help and approval.

4. Selflessness

Growing up, you always put your siblings', parents' and friends' needs before your own because you were taught the importance of taking care of those you love. Your children and spouse are grateful every day for your selfless nature that started at such a young stage in your life, but don’t forget to take time for yourself once in a while.

5. Lack of trust

Not being trusted by your parents or having your trust abused can prevent you from trusting your spouse. You may feel that, once you let your guard down, you will get hurt even if your spouse has not given you any reason to feel that way.

6. Failure

As a child you constantly felt like a failure. In your relationship, you tend to keep your feelings hidden because you think it will prevent conflict, conflict you see as failure.

7. Expectations

You think people deserve punishment for even the smallest things because of the way your parents disciplined you. This may lead to your lack of empathy and can prevent your spouse from ever living up to your highest expectations.

8. Negativity

You continue to relive your worst memories and cannot get past them. The grudges you have held and resentment you feel towards the people who caused you heartache linger with you. This can lead to a personal crisis, which can then create an unhappy marriage.

9. High standards

People who were taught that their best is not good enough feel pressure to be perfect all the time. They suffer in relationships because they push themselves too hard.

10. Emotional deprivation

If you were not given the emotional attention you needed as a child, you will continue to search for it in your marriage. This can either build your relationship or make your spouse feel more like your psychologist than your loving partner.

11. Low self-esteem

You grew up constantly doubting your worth and denying your talents. You still have a hard time believing you are worth loving. This characteristic will make it difficult for you to feel your spouse really respects and loves you.

12. People-pleasing

If you were a peace maker in your home growing up, you likely did a lot of activities that your parents wanted you to do and few things you enjoyed. Be careful not to let this take over your current relationship. Everyone needs a turn getting what they want.

Tana is a student with a passion for words. She believes that written words can touch people in ways unimaginable. In her spare time she enjoys singing, hiking, cuddling in a fuzzy blanket, and spending time with her friends and family.

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