Why you shouldn't ask your husband to help YOU out
Posted April 12, 2016
When you married your husband, you didn’t sit down and write out a contract detailing what each of you would and wouldn’t do during your married life.
Well, maybe you did, and good for you!
But for the other 99.9 percent of us, this wasn’t the case.
So as time goes on and school, work, kids, and just life in general starts to happen, it seems that you each fall into habits of taking care of certain things.
For women, it can seem that we take on a lot more on our plates than our husbands do, and it can be frustrating at times.
We ask our husbands, “Hunny, can you please help me out?”
But the thing is, we really shouldn’t have to ask if they can help US out.
What we need to ask is, “Hunny, can you just do this?”
Here are some reasons why you should stop asking your husband to help YOU out, and just to help out in general.
He has value, don’t diminish it
Your husband is a grown man. He can make his own decisions; take responsibility for his own actions.
He is not your special helper or assistant; he is a fully contributing adult to your household.
If there is something that needs to be done but he doesn’t notice, it’s OK to point it out and ask him to do it. But it’s because he is your partner, and it’s as much of his duty as it is yours.
It means you have all the responsibility
It is actually not part of your job description to keep track of everything that needs to get done in the house or with the kids.
It is also his responsibility, his house, and his kids.
Don’t create the perception that you have all this responsibility and he is just there to help you every now and then. Trust him to shoulder some of that, and the fact that he probably knows what needs to be done as well, as you.
Don’t give your kids the wrong perception
Kids notice a lot of things.
If it seems that you do everything, and that you always have to ask Dad to help you instead of just asking to help in general, they might think this is how it’s going to be when they are married.
They may think that mom does everything and Dad just does stuff if mom asks for help, when this is untrue.
Show your kids that you share the load together, and by helping each other out instead of just him helping you, you set the precedent that a husband and wife work together as a united team.
You are partners in everything
Just as was mentioned before- you are a team.
A team has the same goals with each teammate contributing to help them accomplish that goal. After all, there is no I in team right?
You both want a healthy home and family, and his purpose on this team is to not just be there to help you out. His role is to be a husband and a father, as yours is to be a wife and a mother. As partners you help each other magnify these titles.
You know that your husband is a great man, and that he doesn’t not help on purpose.
But it is also ok to ask him to do things that need to be done, because he probably wants to help in the first place. Remember it’s not about helping YOU it’s about helping the family.
Tamsyn Valentine is part of the content team at FamilyShare.com. She graduated with a degree in communication with an emphasis in public relations and journalism. Tamsyn has written and edited for Scroll, BYU-Idaho's newspaper.