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What your favorite beer says about your parenting style

Posted September 6

In honor of this beloved malted grain beverage, we decided to go pour-by-pour and playfully reveal what your favorite style of beer unveils about your parenting style.

Are you a well-meaning hefeweizen? Or perhaps you're a young and trendy IPA?

Whatever your favorite brew says about you, these spirited descriptions are meant to be enjoyed responsibly. Cheers!

Porter

You’re the “Strong, Silent Type” parent.

Intimidating at first, your flavor profile is actually quite sweet, and you're more easygoing than you appear. But don't confuse smoothness with gullibility, because you've still got plenty of backbone, so your opinion and direction shouldn't be taken lightly.

beer photo
Getty Images | Justin Sullivan

India Pale Ale (I.P.A.)

You're the “Cool” parent.

You’re the young, popular parent on the playground. Teachers love you. Your PTA co-chairs want to be you. When you’re helping out on a field trip, you’re the parent chaperone to whom every kid naturally gravitates-for reasons that can't totally be explained.

But, be careful: overwhelming approval from the masses can result in criticism from those outside the loop. For some of the other parents, your freshness is a bit of an acquired taste, as is your biting wit. If people think you’re too “in their face,” it might just be because they don’t get you.

beer photo
Getty Images | Christopher Furlong

Hefeweizen

You’re the “Laid-Back” parent.

Your kids regard you as one of their buds. You give them the space they need to be themselves, you don’t ask a ton of questions and — most importantly — you don’t believe in being harsh when they mess up. Your anthem is “Take It Easy.”

Being your kid's friend sounds like a good idea, just like how a tasty witbier sounds at happy hour. But just as there needs to be a clear distinction between parent and “best buddy,” the line between "Boy, this Allagash White tastes great" and "Oh great, now I'm too full for dinner" is very, very thin.

So, tread carefully.

beer photo
Getty Images | Chris Ratcliffe

Stout

You’re the “Tough Cookie” parent.

Similar to the porter, a stout's outward appearance can be deceiving, and some may consider the two interchangeable.

But you're even less of a pushover, and though you're not full-on imperial in your approach to parenting, your bite only grows with age.

beer photo
Flickr | robnguyen01

Pale Ale

You’re the “Laissez-Faire” parent.

Tolerant and well-liked, your permissiveness and easygoing nature makes you popular without the pretentiousness that sometimes oozes from your cousin, the IPA. There's always the risk that a pale ale parent is asking to be taken advantage of, but there are worse problems than being the good guy.

beer photo
Getty Images | Graeme Robertson

American Brown Ale

You’re the “Balanced” parent: firm, yet patient and understanding.

Authoritative without being dictatorial, brown ale parents mean business but can generally be described as keeping an even keel. You get along with IPAs as easily as you blend in with stouts, and you're fine letting the kids be kids, within reason.

American Brown Ale photo
Flickr | Howdy, I'm H. Michael Karshis

Light Beer

You’re the “Lighthouse” parent.

A bit predictable, you'll never stand accused of being the "fun" parent. That being said, there's something to be said for consistency, especially when it comes to parenting.

In fact, many would say that being consistent is the key to being a great parent. Your kids know they can rely on you, no matter the situation, and while you might be a little set in your ways, there's nothing wrong with being too dependable.

beer photo
Flickr | deege@fermentarium.com

Gose

You’re the “Salt of the Earth” parent.

A little off the beaten path, your salty style isn't for everyone. You’re not too bitter, but people definitely need a little time to get used to your unique point of view, especially if they’re meeting you for the first time. However, you will find those who find you to be a refreshing change of pace. Keep them close to you.

You love your kids unconditionally, but you still want them to forge their own paths, so you let them make mistakes and only step in when absolutely necessary.

gose beer photo
Flickr | Fil.Al

Pumpkin Beer

You’re the parent who insists on wearing family costumes at all holiday functions.

In 80 percent of situations, your kids think you're extremely uncool. But you're their hero the other 20 percent of the time, and that makes all the eye-rolls, tantrums and extended sighs worth it.

pumpkin beer photo
Flickr | balgann

Barleywine

You’re the “Authoritarian” parent.

Strong-willed and slightly overbearing when challenged, there's no easing into you, and some kids respond better than others to complex personalities like yours. Of course, you're still fun to be around when everyone is following the rules, but you always have a "because I said so" at the ready, should anyone step out of line.

barleywine beer photo
Flickr | @joefoodie

Written by Rachel Murphy for Care.com.

This story originally appeared on Simplemost. Checkout Simplemost for other great tips and ideas to make the most out of life.


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