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What to do when your spouse feels more like a roommate than a lover

Posted August 9

In order to bring you both back to the good old days where all you wanted to do was be together, try doing these things. (Deseret Photo)

When you live with someone, there is a big difference between being in a loving, committed relationship with them and just living together. Potential issues can increase when you start to treat your spouse more like an old roommate that you just live with out of convenience.

You probably don’t even realize you are doing it, but forgetting your last date, spending most evenings away from each other and putting off real conversations and intimacy are things you may be doing to send signals that say, "We are just roommates."

In order to bring you both back to the good old days where all you wanted to do was be together, try doing these things.

Redevelop compassion.

When you accepted your spouse for better or for worse, you were essentially saying that no matter what trials come their way, you would be there to support him or her no matter what. What trials are stopping them from being happy?

As you are struggling to remember the heat that your love once had? Reestablish compassion for them. This means holding back judgment, reaching out when they are struggling and serving them in anyway you can. It may not sound like the most mind-blowing idea, but it will make a huge difference once put into practice.

Connect. Don’t just coexist.

Communicating with your spouse should be a no-brainer, but for some it is difficult to do.

Just talking to each other is not the type of communication that brings about happy marriages. It is special connections that do. American surveys say that you should communicate with your significant other an average of 3 hours a day.

Even if you cannot make three hours work every day, make time to form a connection with your spouse daily. You will be doing more than just coexisting.

Wake up 15 minutes early.

Consider the tip one woman was given by an elderly couple from her church. They suggested that the couple struggling to reconnect should get up 15 minutes earlier than normal. She said, “Drink some coffee, do a short devotional, pray for each other. Hold hands. Look each other in the eye. Ask what the other has on their plate for the day.”

Doing this for many, many mornings changed the feeling of the day. They started the day with each other, just like how they end it, laying side by side.

Your companion will feel less like a stranger if you take this experienced women’s advice and wake up 15 minutes before your hectic day apart begins.

Plan intimacy.

This doesn’t sound like the sexiest thing to do, but making sure you are actually intimate with one another will help rekindle the love and remind you of the fun you have together.

Sleep is important, that is a given. But in a marriage, so is intimacy. Neglecting to show your love for your spouse in this way will definitely make them feel like you are just two people who live under the same roof.

Have you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes recently? Start to be empathetic today by looking at their perspective. Developing the skills needed to reconnect will bring the spark in your marriage back to life.

Tana is a student with a passion for words. She believes that written words can touch people in ways unimaginable. In her spare time she enjoys singing, hiking, cuddling in a fuzzy blanket, and spending time with her friends and family.

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