What to do when your husband won't say what he is really feeling
Posted 8:02 a.m. Monday
Men function completely differently than women do. They look at things differently, they think differently, and when they do open up, they express how they feel very differently than us.
For any wife, that can be annoying. Innately, women seek to nurture and support who they care for...and a husband is definitely at the top of that list.
I’ve been in your shoes before: Wanting to uncover the feelings your husband is having, curious to know if he feels the same way you do or if he is just going through the motions to make your happy. His mysteriousness is endearing, sure, but it's also completely infuriating.
The number one thing to keep in mind when you want to get a peek into what's going on inside his head is communication. Everything from how you phrase a question to how you react to his answers plays a major role in how much your hubby will open up. Follow these tips to know what he's really thinking:
1. Make sure he feels safe
Your husband needs to feel like he can tell you anything. Make him feel like nothing in the world can destroy the bond between you two...because nothing should be able to! To create this safe zone, don't share his secrets. Don't clue the girls in during a night out and don't tell your mom about what he tells you. If you create a safe zone, he'll tell you what you want to know.
2. Stay calm
Do not be dramatic when your man does start revealing his feelings. Yes, you can let him know that you like it but do not blow out of proportion the fact that your husband is opening up. No one wants to tell a secret to an audience who claps and squeals and shouts "finally! It's about time!" These reactions will have the opposite effect and make him run back into his shell.
3. Pay attention to his body language
Body language says all. Someone watching your body language and your husband's can easily tell if the conversation is somber, upbeat or stressful. Keep tabs on your facial expression and body placement to set the mood for the conversation you want to have.
4. Make him feel accepted
You are your husband's companion, best friend and partner in crime. Men normally feel more open when they know you won't judge them for revealing the truth. I promise that if you accept him and his decisions he will feel much more inclined to share.
5. Remember to listen
Most often all a man needs is for you to lend them your ear. Women easily express opinion and advice when instead, you should just listen. When your man is sharing his feelings and thoughts, simply absorb every word he has to say so that he feels reassured enough to do so again.
6. Build trust
Your husband does not need to be fixed. He is not broken. Do not treat him like a project when he comes to you for advice. Make sure he knows you both are on the same page. Building up that trust and strength will only reinforce your husband to want to confide in you.
7. Be his rock
Be a foundation for him to lean on. In marriage, rarely will you have two strong people who are solid at the same time. Serve as a rock for the other when they are at their weakest. If you show your mister that you are strong enough to serve as that solid foundation he will want to lean on you when he is feeling vulnerable.
Keep in mind that when your husband clams up, he most likely does this with the best intentions. He simply does not want to burden you. But if you show him you are here to listen and support him, he will want to start to share his thoughts with the woman he loves the most.