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What NOT to do when your husband decides to cheat

Posted June 26

If you’ve ever been cheated on or know someone who has, you know it’s one of the most heartbreaking things in the world.

There are so many different emotions that go through your mind, from sadness, jealousy and hurt (and most likely, anger). You may even feel helpless and alone. You start to ask yourself how this could have happened or if your marriage will survive after something like this.

When you’re feeling such intense feelings, it’s easy to act irrationally and irresponsibly but don't do something you'll live to regret. When you’re in this healing process, it’s important to remember what not to do.

When your husband (or wife) decides to be unfaithful, avoid doing these nine things at all costs:

1. Completely shut down

Don’t shut your husband out. It’s normal to be extremely upset, but listen to what he has to say. By keeping communication open in your relationship, you’ll be on your way to healing in a shorter amount of time.

2. Think it’s your fault

People cheat for a lot of reasons, but your husband’s actions have nothing to do with you. You’re smart, beautiful, incredible and a good wife. Don’t think you’re the reason he cheated, and don’t let him convince you of that lie either.

3. Try to get revenge

When you fight fire with fire, you always get burned. Don’t try to get revenge (whether it’s doing something he’s specifically asked you not to do or going and cheating on him in return). You might feel better for a minute, but it’ll only do more damage to your relationship.

4. Pretend it didn’t happen

You can’t just ignore the fact that your husband was unfaithful to you. As much as you don’t want to admit it, it happened and he can’t take it back. Make sure you acknowledge the issue, talk about it and communicate with your husband to take the steps necessary to begin your healing process.

5. Tell your friends all about it

More likely than not, your husband isn’t proud of what he did and he doesn’t want you talking about it to all your friends. Tell your feelings to your husband and work it out in a way that’s best for the two of you, not how anyone else thinks would be best.

6. Give up on your relationship

Don’t think your relationship is over because your husband made a mistake. There are so many stories about how you can’t bounce back from an act of infidelity, but there are couples who make it through and come out stronger. You ultimately know what would be best for your relationship, but know it is possible to work it out.

7. Completely freak out (for an extended period of time)

Infidelity is a situation that gives you every reason to have a complete meltdown, and by all means, have one. However, don’t freak out for too long. Take a step back and spend a bit of time away from your spouse if you have to, but keeping a clear head will help you make better decisions about how to move forward.

8. Make a rash decision

Don’t just get up and leave your husband when he comes clean or you find out about his infidelity. Rash decisions made in moments of high emotion are almost never good choices, so take a few days to calm down and think things through.

9. Think you’re on your own

There are so many people who love and support you, and want you to be the happiest person you can be. While you don’t have to tell people what’s going on, reach out to people who have been through the same experiences as you have. Knowing what’s on the other side of this crisis will help you heal and stay hopeful.

While your husband is probably the last person you want to lean on during this time, you really can help each other out. Staying close after this breach of trust can be tough, but it’s important to follow these guidelines so you don’t do anything you’ll regret in the long run.

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  • Matha Lawson Jul 26, 10:31 a.m.
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