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Wedding-day jitters: They are different for the bride and the groom

Posted July 28

You don't have to be a bride or groom to be stressed by a wedding. There's enough worry to go around. But men and women worry differently about someone else's wedding. (Deseret Photo)

You don't have to be a bride or groom to be stressed by a wedding. There's enough worry to go around. But men and women are anxious in different ways when it comes to someone else's nuptials.

A recent poll by the cash-back shopping site Ebates found 57 percent of women and 27 percent of men stress over what they're going to wear. That's the big one for women.

Men save their biggest "Ugh!" for seeing people they don't like, which causes stress for nearly a third of them.

On the topic of money, the sexes are nearly alike: 29 percent of men and 28 percent of women worry they'll send too much. And when asked what they'll actually spend, women said they'd pay $25-100 for a wedding gift, compared to $50-250 for men.

The news release announcing the survey noted the difference "may just be that women are shopping smarter — 32 percent of women said they use coupons and cash back to buy wedding gifts."

Here are the top five anxiety producers related to attending a wedding, based on gender, according to the survey:

For women, it's finding the right outfit (44 percent), losing weight (28 percent), spending too much money (28 percent), "seeing people I dislike" (27 percent) and finding the right gift (24 percent).

The top five for men are "seeing people I dislike" (31 percent), spending too much money (29 percent), finding the right outfit (27 percent), finding the right gift (24 percent) and losing weight (21 percent).

The survey also asked for ideas on ways to save money on weddings. Among the suggestions were coupons, restyling dresses or suits and going in together with a friend to buy a gift.

There are, of course, lots of things for the bride and groom to ponder with a degree of fear, as well. And some things not to fret about, as Robyn Wilder outlined on Buzzfeed. In her mostly light-hearted list of 36 things one need not fret about on one's wedding day, a few stood out.

You're not going to be late.

You're not going to do a face-plant on your way down the aisle.

And you will not publicly humiliate yourself by forgetting the name of your soon-to-be spouse. Unless you do — and even then, it will be OK. Your wedding guests are people you love and who love you, right?

A bride's wedding day may actually be the one occasion when there's no risk that someone else will show up wearing the same dress. As Wilder notes, that would be rude.

Glamour magazine says grooms worry primarily about practical things, like money and whether they'll be able to get themselves dressed (think unfamiliar clothing items like cummerbunds, waistcoats and pesky cufflinks) and what to write for their vows.

The best advice for the wedding day, according to Weddings.about.com, is to relax and roll with whatever happens. "Chances are slim that the cake will fall or that something will catch on fire. More likely someone might miss a cue or your dad bur(p)s during his toast or something else benign that will create a magical moment, a good laugh and an everlasting memory. Embrace the imperfections of the day!"

Email: lois@deseretnews.com, Twitter: Loisco

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