What's on Tap

What's on Tap

The lamest things said during Coldplay's Super Bowl press conference

Posted February 5, 2016

Coldplay gave the traditional Super Bowl Halftime Act press conference on Thursday, and the biggest takeaway was just HOW MANY “Entertainment Tonight” knockoff shows there are! It’s like someone took a magnetic poetry kid that included the words “Inside” “Current” “Entertainment” and “Spotlight” and just started putting them together in every order. Every single one of them got to ask a question, which was an awful lot of spunk and artificial cheer. Then there was Chris Martin’s Aloof British Detachment, as well as NFL and Pepsi marketing honks who got to speak their respective pieces.

That volatile combination led to the uttering of a lot of phrases that you never thought you’d hear. Here are our choices for the lamest things said during the Coldplay press conference.

“Like millions of people around the world from Bangor, Maine to Belgium, we can’t wait.” — Brian McCarthy, Vice President of Communications at National Football League getting a little too free with the alliteration while simultaneously snubbing Bolivia and Botswana.

“Of course, it wouldn’t be a Super Bowl without a flyover.” — McCarthy, again, gushing about the pregame festivities.

“The NFL for us represents a dynamic partnership across retail, across marketing, for many of our iconic brands.” — Pepsi Chief Marketing Officer Seth Kaufman dropping all kinds of corporate buzz speak.

“Halftime is an amazing time,” — Kaufman, showing why he prefers to stay in the comfortable environment of buzz speak

“I feel like Donald Trump. This is amazing.” — Chris Martin, as soon as he arrived on stage.

“Chris can I have a hug?” — One of the perky Entertainment Tonight clones trying to be adorable while asking her question.

“You guys got me through a real bad breakup in 2004.” — Yet another perky Entertainment Tonight clones. You think I’m exaggerating, but when the moderator called on her, it produced this spectacular exchange:

“We’ll go to Kelly from Extra, I think.”

“It’s actually Kelci from the Insider.”

“Hey Queen B, I want you in a red bodysuit.” — Kelli/Kelci from Extra/Insider asking about the conversation between Coldplay & Beyonce regarding the halftime show. Chris Martin also said this line while mocking her question.

“The honest answer to that question is … what was the question again?” — Chris Martin, showing disdain (which, in his defense, was merited) at one of the Kelci/Kelli questions.

“You guys down here look like kindergarteners. It’s very sweet. Anyone need the bathroom? You’ll get to be bigger kids in a few years and move to the back with NBC.” — Martin, mocking the photographers kneeling on the floor in front of the stage.

“No one at home will suffer any shark based trauma.” — Martin, making fun of a question about whether they’ll have a “Left Shark moment” during the show.

“It’s a difficult question to answer. You’re saying, ‘Which part of our show will f*** up?'” — More of Martin’s “Left Shark Moment” answer.

“I’ve seen Left Shark many times. He was great. Or she. Whoever was in there. It seems like a lot of fuss over nothing. I thought he was wonderful.” — Still more of the “Left Shark Moment” answer.


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