Go Ask Dad: A baby elephant mantra
Amy Leach wrote, “To err is baby elephant, tripping over her trunk.” I remember when my kids were learning to walk. Their stumbling was adorable.
My children are older now. They still fall, which sometimes brings tears. Other times, they can laugh at themselves. Most of their errors, however, are missteps in judgment. They become frustrated and perhaps take it out on their dear old dad. This is not cute.
When I snarl with impatience, I am most reminiscent of a grizzly bear. I roar to shake leaves from the trees.
No one is perfect; the single most important parenting strategy is repair. Dr. Becky knows that parents can spiral into shame after our mistakes. I say that we can think of ourselves as baby elephants, young at heart and still learning. We can be gentle with ourselves, recognizing that we all trip and that stumbling together might even lead to joy.
Take my recent hike. It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, and as my family walked, we counted bumblebees and butterflies. We pointed to the numerous tiny purple and white wildflowers poking up from the mud along the trail. We got popsicles and cookies from a bakery, then headed back down the trail to our car. Everything should have been lovely.
Then my son started complaining. He didn’t want to walk. He wanted his bike. He was bored. It was too hot. Too buggy. I gritted my teeth and tried to count the flowers. Finally, he plopped down and refused to move. After a short break, he caught up to the rest of us.
But when he went on strike again, I admit that I roared and stomped off.
When we got home, I mowed the lawn, in part to blow off a little steam. After returning the mower to the shed, I found him sitting in the freshly cut backyard grass. “Dad, I don’t want you to leave me behind,” he said.
My anger melted faster than you could read this sentence.
I told him that I would never leave him behind, and I apologized for losing my temper.
“You sounded like a bear,” he smiled, adding, “and you’re hairy like one too!”
Feigning outrage, I tickled him, and we rolled around in the grass, two flawed and beautiful creatures stumbling, laughing, and growing.
Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of Little Big Moments, a collection of mini-essays about parenting, and Tigers, Mice & Strawberries: Poems. Both titles are available most anywhere books are sold online. Taylor-Troutman lives in Chapel Hill where he serves as pastor of Chapel in the Pines Presbyterian Church and occasionally stumbles upon the wondrous while in search of his next cup of coffee.
