Social Media Dad: Lessons from the Instagram investigation

A headline about nude photos of Wake County high school students is bound to grab your attention. Despite reading similar stories from other communities, it still gave me pause because the story is right here, in the Triangle.

It would be easy at this point to assign blame to a person, a group or even Instagram, but that type of reaction does not prevent this type of thing from occurring again. The reality is there are teenagers who made bad choices and are suffering horrible consequences, some that are very personal and some that may involve legal repercussions. There are also parents who are trying to figure out how this happened in their homes. Rather than chastise our neighbors, we need to support them, and ask how we limit the possibilities of this happening again.

One thing I say over and over to parents is “talk to your teens about your concerns, fears and interest in social media.” Develop an awareness of what is happening in your teen’s life, and including the digital side. This story demonstrates the importance of why we need to be aware and involved in the digital lives of our children. Consider the before, during and after of this crisis.

Additionally we should be talking about self-respect and respect for others. Would we say or do some of these things if we were in the same room? One thing to recognize here is that many adults are doing a pretty lousy job of modeling this as a whole. I suspect some of the comments on this post will prove my point. Aside from modeling it, we should expect good behavior from our kids and the only way we know is through our conversations with them, including sampling what they post.

My friend Hannah supports her teenage son with an agreed upon monitoring service through which his social media and texts are filtered. If flagged words hit the filter, mom gets notified. The two of them then have a face-to-face conversation about it to determine what is acceptable or if he needs her input. When a friend talked about being sexually abused, the son knew his mom would be involved and he did not have to bear the burden alone. That is just one example of how this particular mother is aware of what is happening in the digital part of her son’s life. If we believe kids are being forced to grow up too fast today, then we should also do what we can to help them learn to navigate adult situations.

Obviously, not every family is going to arrive at the same conclusion of what is right or wrong, or how they will approach social media and digital technology. Hopefully your family is having conversations about it. If not, either due to willfully ignoring it, dismissing it, or because it intimidates you, then you are also ignoring and dismissing a significant part of your teen’s life.

How are you talking about this with your kids? I’d love to hear from you. All comments, threats, ideas and hate mail can be addressed to brian@b4manconsulting.com or on Twitter @b4man72.