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  • charmcclainlovesdogs2 Dec 6, 4:03 p.m.

    These women needs to be helped and put in a very safe place where the boyfriend or husband cannot find them. Sending them to family is not a great idea or even her friends.

  • shannonatlanticvend Dec 6, 3:30 p.m.

    ssgncng2- I find that you were so bluntly told "we dont service men" because that is a complete and utter lie. I have counseled male DV victims at InterAct MYSELF! InterAct provides safety and support to ALL people of DV. Men included.

  • Pepe Silvia Dec 6, 3:20 p.m.

    lisalisa682001 - Please, please, please get the help you need and do not let ANYONE manipulate and lie to you to keep you from doing so. It is strictly confidential.

    There is no reason you should even have to TELL your job you are going, let alone any risk of losing it and I can't imagine any employer wishing their employee wasn't taken care of.

  • storchheim Dec 6, 3:05 p.m.

    "I have recently gotten out of an 11-year emotionally abusive relationship, which had started to turn physical. Anyhow, I had mentioned to him that I was going to go to counseling at Interact. " lisalisa

    If you're talking to him about this kind of thing, you're not out of the "relationship".

  • storchheim Dec 6, 2:58 p.m.

    " Where is family and friends?"

    The ones we can't be bothered speaking to because we're texting some stranger? The ones we don't eat dinner with because we're all so busy with absolute dreck? The kids we put on the school bus or waaaaaay in the back of the room-sized, video-equipped (so we don't have to talk, dream or think) SUV? The elders we've dismissed because they wanted to hear from us every so often and were "needy" that way?

  • storchheim Dec 6, 2:49 p.m.

    Going by 'welfare is a trap' 's screen name, I think s/he was sarcastic. Airborne Daddy, I hope you were too.

  • storchheim Dec 6, 2:44 p.m.

    "Sadly, abusive women will not acknowledge their anger or self-control issues; they have no remorse, and refuse to take responsibilities for their actions."

    Unlike abusive men.

  • FlyingTurtles Dec 6, 2:13 p.m.

    What I find irritating about this article and some of the posters here is that they operate under the delusion that domestic violence = stuff men do to women. The truth is a plurality of domestic violence situations are mutual. Men abusing passive women is second and women abusing men is third. However, Interact is begging a lawsuit as they accept government funding yet refuse to aid men. My son's now ex-wife put a gun in his face and called us on several occasions screaming at us that she was going to "kill your ******* son". HE was prosecuted for the joke charge of assault on a female when he pushed her away and ran out of the house. She thought it was funny and laughed/bragged of it later. The Deputy that arrived on the scene refused to listen when told she had a gun, the DA's only concern was securing a conviction at the behest of Interact. Interact told my son, point blank, they don't offer services for men, I was there. We paid for a private psychologist who diagnosed PTSD.

  • shannonatlanticvend Dec 6, 1:24 p.m.

    LisaLisa- You will NOT lose your job. It is totally confidential. I volunteer there. I can give you the straight up facts. Please reach out and get the help you are looking for.

  • workinghuman33 Dec 6, 1:09 p.m.

    I would really appreciate it. I just refuse to believe that a person would lose their job for going to Interact for counseling(???)
    lisalisa682001

    I agree with monami! Firstly, why would you loose your job? What is the "reasoning" behind that statement. If you are out of that relationship cut all ties, move, change your phone number, change email address, change your FB account. Be done! It's control and manipulation. No one can make you feel stupid, worthless or inferior unless you allow it. DON'T ALLOW IT!!!! Take charge of your life and don't look back.

  • ndadszucs Dec 6, 1:06 p.m.

    lisalisa682001 - First mistake was telling him. When you are away from home/him alone at some point where you feel safe, call Interact's hotline. They will call you back immediately with from a restricted number and someone to speak with. Don't tell him anything. Ever.

  • workinghuman33 Dec 6, 1:05 p.m.

    Abusers AND victims w/children are incredibly selfish when they choose to remain in the situation BC they don't want to be alone. I don't allow people to abuse me, but still live in a private hell I can't control BC of that trauma.-hmmmmmmmmmmm"

    I have posted the same. We have shared the same experience. I would much rather be alone that have someone attempt to abuse me in any way. And I always think if not for anyone else why don't they leave to protect the children.

  • NiceNSmooth Dec 6, 1:04 p.m.

    I just refuse to believe that a person would lose their job for going to Interact for counseling(???)

    Lisa NOOOOO!! it is totally confidential NO ONE will know anything... please get all the help you need

  • monami Dec 6, 1:03 p.m.

    lisalisa682001, stop telling him things. He is continuing to try and control you with his tactics. Do the counseling, and keep your business from him. Don't entangle yourself with him unnecessarily. The counseling will help you to understand why what I'm advising makes sense. Good luck to you!

  • workinghuman33 Dec 6, 1:02 p.m.

    could it be because we took the Ten Commandments out of the schools?-handbasket""

    Yes, of course because prior to that there was no Domestic Violence....seriously? Imagine the domestic violence in the middle east alone when Moses found the 10 commandments. There was just as much abuse when we had the Pledge of Allegiance and the 10 commandments in schools it's just not as much was reported. Kids went to school with black eyes, bruises and broken lips during that time and no one reported it...you stayed out of the sort of thing back then. Ridiculous!

  • lisalisa682001 Dec 6, 12:58 p.m.

    I have recently gotten out of an 11-year emotionally abusive relationship, which had started to turn physical. Anyhow, I had mentioned to him that I was going to go to counseling at Interact. He informed me that if I did that then I would end up losing my job, as he said the used to work directly with this particular agency when he was a probation officer. I am wondering if this is true, as I really feel that I do need counseling/help for myself, but do not want to lose my job because of it. If there is anyone who can provide me with further information, I would really appreciate it. I just refuse to believe that a person would lose their job for going to Interact for counseling(???)

  • carrboroyouth Dec 6, 12:55 p.m.

    It usually comes off as almost charming and romantic "Oh I don't really go out with my friends anymore because he doesn't want to spend any time apart!" and sometimes abusive relationships take years to develop.
    --Pepe Silvia

    I got chills when I read what you wrote. That is exactly what he would say! Before you know it, you haven't seen your other friends or your family in months. It's all manipulation...

  • hmmmmm Dec 6, 12:29 p.m.

    DA is the most corrosive thing ever. It affects more lives than just the spouse/s.o. People in abusive situations don't consider the children, they're only concerned w/themselves. As a child who witnessed abuse, I'm a 41 yrs old & I still self-mutilate. I started doing it when I was a baby. My father would beat my mother nightly, while we watched. In my little baby mind, Daddy if I hurt myself, Daddy's would come to me & away from Mommy. She stayed for 10 yrs. Abusers AND victims w/children are incredibly selfish when they choose to remain in the situation BC they don't want to be alone. I don't allow people to abuse me, but still live in a private hell I can't control BC of that trauma. My sister spent 22 yrs w/an abuser; it was a game, she'd leave he'd come get her, they would enjoy making up. She finally left. It was co-dependency & I consider it selfish. Her kids are train-wrecks. Nothing hurts me more than seeing the haunted, scared look in a child's eyes when they talk about it.

  • icmfal Dec 6, 12:28 p.m.

    could it be because we took the Ten Commandments out of the schools? handbasket
    What does that have to do with the rise reported DV?

  • handbasket Dec 6, 12:10 p.m.

    could it be because we took the Ten Commandments out of the schools?

  • Navigate life Dec 6, 12:09 p.m.

    America needs stiffer laws concerning domestic violence. We can't continue to stand by weak restraining laws that only tempt the perpetrator and gives the victims a false sense of security. What kind of example are we setting for our children/young adults and how many more children have to grow up without either or both parents?

  • nckidd29 Dec 6, 11:43 a.m.

    What is sad is when a party can *ABUSE the system* and get by with doing it....many times the 50B is used as a *controlling means* or a way to keep a parent from seeing a child/children...and when this takes place...it hurts others who truly need protection...

    dollibug

    That is way more than a mouth full right there !!!!!!!! kudo's !!!!!!!!!! Oh yea and the truth !! Prob 90% of the time !!!!
    Had it done or should I say tried on me !!! And my youngest nephew has a PO under 50B on him right now,,With boggest terms,,,Woman can sob a little in court and get 50b quicker than you cant blink yours eye's..and walk outside the court room and give you the finger and laugh in your face but a few min's ago in court she was scared for her life !!!! Yea right !!!

  • jackcdneh1017 Dec 6, 11:42 a.m.

    I work in a nursing home and it is extremely heartbreaking to hear and see the obvious signs of past abuse in the elderly female population. It must be true that these women were forced to remain in abusive marriages because of no other options. You have the sense that many times these poor ladies were terrorized when they cry out " don't hit me" or "I didn't do anything wrong" and all of it comes out of nowhere. This doesn't happen when dealing with the male residents so I am led to the conclusion that it was very common in the old days for women to suffer abuse at the hands of their husbands. I am male myself and it makes me feel quite ashamed. Although there are cries that men are abused too, I simply don't see any man being "trapped" in an abusive relationship like can happen to a woman and her children.

  • nckidd29 Dec 6, 11:24 a.m.

    DV organizations also don't help with these numbers,,Most DV protective orders and so on that tie up the court sys's everyday,Are not legal,,They don't meet the req for getting a protective order against someone. YES there are alot of people that meet the req and need PO from other people but big maj don't..SS and other org get more grant money the more "case's" they have.Long story short,,It's costing us all alot more tax dollars to get people out of what they got them selve's into..Bash me if you want!!! It's the truth !!

  • workinghuman33 Dec 6, 11:10 a.m.

    "Oh I don't really go out with my friends anymore because he doesn't want to spend any time apart!" and sometimes abusive relationships take years to develop.
    Pepe Silvia"

    I get what you are saying. I grew up in an abusive household...my mother was the abuser. I have 3 sisters that all have been, are or will be again in abusive relationships. We grew up with abuse and they think that's how someone loves. I personally have never once equated abuse to love. Now, I endured as much damage as they did but I would never let anyone minimize me in any way. There are far more options now than there used to be, used to be you keep it to yourself & endured the abuse. People should take far more time to KNOW their partner than they do. Possessiveness is a huge sign often viewed as Romanticism as you mention in your post. I've helped many abused women leave,time and time again you get them to a safe place and they go back and often get murdered or take their own life.

  • computer trainer Dec 6, 11:06 a.m.

    sk4yu - you are SO RIGHT!! and many men will stay with these women, because they also have threatened their children and fear for not only their lives, but their children's, cause we ALL know that if they go to court, the mother is always going to get the kids. Most of these women are not only abusive, they are also VERY good at hiding their garbage. AND their families help them. I have had one girls mother tell me what a shrew she is and how dangerous she is, but she will not do anything about it. She just lets it go. I pray that one dya she does not have to see her grandchildren DEAD because she appeased this piece of filth that she raised!

  • computer trainer Dec 6, 11:02 a.m.

    shannonatlanticvend - thank you for mentioning that men are abused also. It is so hard for people to believe, but it is true.

  • Pepe Silvia Dec 6, 10:57 a.m.

    "For many women, the abuser has made them feel isolated and threatened, so it can be hard to leave the relationship."

    Don't allow someone to make you feel "isolated". At the first indication of abuse be it emotional, mental or physical you leave...period. - workinghuman33

    I agree completely in walking away as soon as their is any indication, but the isolation thing usually doesn't start out feeling like abuse. It usually comes off as almost charming and romantic "Oh I don't really go out with my friends anymore because he doesn't want to spend any time apart!" and sometimes abusive relationships take years to develop.

  • dollibug Dec 6, 10:52 a.m.

    What is sad is when a party can *ABUSE the system* and get by with doing it....many times the 50B is used as a *controlling means* or a way to keep a parent from seeing a child/children...and when this takes place...it hurts others who truly need protection...

  • workinghuman33 Dec 6, 10:35 a.m.

    "For many women, the abuser has made them feel isolated and threatened, so it can be hard to leave the relationship."

    Don't allow someone to make you feel "isolated". At the first indication of abuse be it emotional, mental or physical you leave...period. The abuser can only gain control if you allow them too. Man or Woman up! This is why Domestic Violence continues to rise. Yes there are people that are emotionally damaged & possibly don't have the skills to cope in a normal relationship. What if their priority was knowing self & finding out why they cannot cope well instead of the priority being that they have to have a mate. We all get lonely, but it's far better to know one's self, become healthy by knowing one's self then worry about having a mate. No it's not right for anyone to abuse anyone but I truly feel if people didn't have a need to be taken care of,or felt whole all by their lonesome this would happen less often. Leave, go far away. There are many options.

  • goalflinger Dec 6, 10:28 a.m.

    If you want to hear from the men, go to A VOICE FOR MEN .COM
    and....A VOICE FOR MEN RADIO. And there are other sites such as SAVE SERVICES. ORG. And you are absolutely right. There is always more to these cases. Until we start treating the causes instead of the symptoms, we will continue to get more of the same. Some men deserve to hanged in public but that is no excuse for frivilous accusations from women just because they can. I defeated a frivilous 50B in Wake county about 8 years ago. (Who cares?) I had admissable taped evidence but I still had to fire two attorneys before I found one with guts enough to go up against the system. WE WON. Her and her attorney sneaked down the stairway at the courthouse and she left the state for parts unknown. Yes, there is more to these cases..

  • change2012 Dec 6, 10:22 a.m.

    @kmt I would like to hear from the men as well, not just the "battered" wives. While no man should ever hit a woman, there's always more to these cases and the women always play victim and get the upper hand.

    Regardless if woman plays victim or not, that still does not give a man the right to hit, abuse, or kill a woman...and the reason why women have the upper hand in cases like these is because they are almost ALWAYS being the one abused in relationships according to statistics

  • ndadszucs Dec 6, 10:14 a.m.

    Um, exactly what was wrong with my asking another poster: "Always?"

  • puzzled Dec 6, 10:11 a.m.

    We live in desperate times and people are doing desperate things. I only see it getting worse. Maybe a government program could fix all of societies ills.
    Welfare is a trap
    December 6, 2012 8:41 a.m.
    Report abuse
    Just what we need, another government program. This is something we should all be concerned about, but taxpayers cannot pay for everything. Where is family and friends? These men and women have some responsibility to use their good sense also. Like others said stress is high on everyone, including the non-abused by spouses. We can't too much gov abuse either.

  • NoObamaCare Dec 6, 10:08 a.m.

    They need more programs for women to have more options to get out of DV situations.

  • Raleigh Rocks 1 Dec 6, 10:02 a.m.

    ctkane

    One year separation insures that folks are not getting married and divorced for tax reasons. Government controls everything now.

  • Carolina Dec 6, 10:00 a.m.

    "I would like to hear from the men as well, not just the "battered" wives. While no man should ever hit a woman, there's always more to these cases and the women always play victim and get the upper hand."

    I agree. Jovan Belcher and Robert Seymore and Christopher John Bertrand and other men in the middle of relationship problems should be allowed to explain their side of the story. Which makes the fact that they killed themselves after murdering their wives even more stupid, don't you think?

  • shannonatlanticvend Dec 6, 9:58 a.m.

    KMT- wrong. Victim blaming statements are the root of the problem with the general public understanding domestic violence. "Playing a victim" does not give an "upper hand".

  • dontstopnow Dec 6, 9:55 a.m.

    kmt, my ex went to my Mother and Father AFTER I left him, took my children and went into hiding for over a month to tell them how he had been so violent and abusive to me and the children and ask THEIR forgiveness! This was his attempt to get me to return but it did not work and I never looked back. Stuggle was commonplace but at least sleep was peaceful.

    So let me just say, I am now an 'old' woman who lived the nightmare of violence and nobody wins in these situations. Back in the day, you stayed and kept it a secret, today there are places to go for help and they make it public knowledge but, there seems to be more deaths today too. Not sure unless it is just put in the news more.

    My ex was bi-polar and back then it was called manic depressed but he would not take meds because he didn't like how they made him feel. But I assure you, these are real life stories and regardless which side you hear, it is a family nightmare that lives well into our futures and the futures of the childr

  • liliyorg Dec 6, 9:53 a.m.

    Welfare is a Trap, the government will not help here. It will only make things worse. What we need is an awareness of the community, and the police should help with this!

  • ndadszucs Dec 6, 9:53 a.m.

    "women always play victim and get the upper hand."

    Always, huh?

  • sillywabbitthepatriot Dec 6, 9:49 a.m.

    "there's always more to these cases and the women always play victim and get the upper hand"

    No one deserves to live in hell and have their lives threatened on a regular basis.

  • iknowjack Dec 6, 9:42 a.m.

    Just reading comments from males right here demonstrates in no uncertain terms how such a disgusting problem could exist to such an extent in our society.

  • SingleLensReflex.SLR Dec 6, 9:41 a.m.

    Lets all wish that this increase in stressors brings out a strengthened sense of honor and grace, a deepened relationship with our souls, and a renewed sense of pride for being strong community members.

  • Bumpkin Dec 6, 9:39 a.m.

    Battered men are being abused by women every day, but it is rarely reported. If a battered man calls the police after being abused by a woman you can bet your last dollar that it is the man that will be arrested. Women know this and use it against their partner.A significant number of men are overly sensitive to emotional and psychological abuse. In some cases, humiliating a man emotionally can be more devastating than physical abuse. Some professionals have observed that mental and emotional abuse can be an area where women are often more "brutal" than men. Sadly, abusive women will not acknowledge their anger or self-control issues; they have no remorse, and refuse to take responsibilities for their actions.

  • Scubagirl Dec 6, 9:25 a.m.

    I agree the 1 yr separation is not needed, but many cases of DV occur between those NOT married. Either way something needs to help them get away. That said however, sometimes the problem is the self-esteem of the person being abused and they feel they 'can't leave', won't survive if they do leave, and a myriad of other reasons known and understood ONLY by the victim. With the increased stress over the last couple of years w/ unemployment etc it doesn't surprise me there has been an increase but it's still wrong and sad.

  • shannonatlanticvend Dec 6, 9:22 a.m.

    InterAct is a wonderful organization. I have been a volunteer there for 4 years and I encourage any person (male or female) needing help with DV issues to get the help from InterAct.

  • ctkane Dec 6, 8:44 a.m.

    How about making it easier for these women to get out of an abusive relationship by revising the dark-ages 1yr separation requirement in NC.

  • working for deadbeats Dec 6, 8:41 a.m.

    We live in desperate times and people are doing desperate things. I only see it getting worse. Maybe a government program could fix all of societies ills.

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