Divorce group uses Bible lessons to help people

TRAMWAY, N.C. — With a national divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, broken families are no longer an anomaly, but familiarity does little to nurse the wounds and heartache that go along with divorce.

"People jump into divorce not knowing what they're getting thrown into," said Derrick Hodges. "It's very painful."

Hodges, along with co-facilitator Vicki Horne, leads a support group for men and women coping with divorce at Grace Chapel. Divorce Care is a non-denominational program that uses Biblical lessons to minister to people going through various stages of separation.

The Sanford Herald reported that Hodges' experience with divorce began in 2005, when his marriage of 13 years came to an abrupt end.

"It feels lonely. You feel isolated. You feel like you want to go in your room, close the door and stay in bed," Hodges said. "Until you're healed, you're very vulnerable. You're used to having someone to share your life with."

A few months after Hodges' divorce, a friend suggested he attend a Divorce Care program at Saint Stephen Catholic Church. Hodges signed up for the program, but he didn't expect anything significant to come from it.

"As a separated or divorced person, we can find it hard to seek outside help because of pride; We may care what others may think, or we just think we can or should go it alone," Hodges said. "If we continue to do what we have always done, we will always get the same results. "

The 13-week program helped Hodges begin a long process of healing that he says took more than two and a half years. Divorce Care sessions begin with a 30-minute video focused on one of the many symptoms of divorce - anger, depression, financial stress, resentment and distanced relationships. Following the video, individuals can share personal experiences with the group to encourage others or seek advice for their own lives.

Daily devotionals and prayer guides help participants draw closer to God and continue the healing process between the weekly sessions.

After recognizing the impact the program had on his own life, Hodges decided to attend a training seminar and begin offering Divorce Care sessions at Grace Chapel, where he has been a regular attendee for the past eight years.

The current round of sessions are coming to an end in November, but participants can jump in at any point in the process. A new series of lessons will begin at Grace Chapel in January.

"The goal of Divorce Care is to provide a safe atmosphere where we can share our experiences while seeking God's help, healing, hope and direction for our lives," Hodges said.

As a Divorce Care facilitator, Hodges said he has seen God restore marriages, heal broken hearts, save souls and nurture new friendships. At least one marriage has been saved during every 13-week cycle Hodges has led.

Some people have visited the Divorce Care group thinking it was a place for divorced singles to get connected with a new partner, but Hodges makes it clear from the beginning that that is not the case. Participants must pledge not to date any other members of the group while the sessions are ongoing. Separated couples hoping to reconcile their differences through the program are encouraged to attend different groups to allow for more relaxed discussions.

Divorce can make a person feel separated not only from a spouse, but from children, extended family and friends, Hodges explained. It affects how people move into relationships in the future and creates stress in other areas of life.

"Divorce has been the most difficult thing that I have ever experienced," Hodges said. "Plain and simple, divorce is a sin. Just like any sin, we should seek forgiveness from God, our spouse, children and family."

The church provides a comfortable atmosphere where people in need can find relief from their pain and struggles. Most of the participants in the Divorce Care program aren't members at Grace. The group is open to anyone searching for help, but nearly everyone involved professed to be a Christian before experiencing divorce.

Divorce Care works because it is focused on bettering the individual by helping them develop a deeper spiritual life through daily prayer, scripture reading and fellowship with other believers - the same practices that help any Christian draw closer to God, but presented in a way that offers guidance for the specific issues divorce creates.

"So many people seek someone else to fill that void. They don't know what a disservice they are doing to themselves when they need to seek the Lord," Hodges said. "I wish everyone could experience the healing that God can bring. How people go through the valleys without knowing God, it just blows my mind."

---

Information from: The Sanford Herald