NC woman repairs life after troubled drug past

ROCKY MOUNT, N.C. — After years of putting drug addiction and prostitution ahead of her loved ones, Sandy Foster said she finally has broken free of her troubled past.

Now Foster is focused on another difficult task - repairing the bonds between her and her daughter.

Jazmine Priest, 15, was one of those pieces missing in the 46-year-old Foster's life. As both mother and daughter came through the double doors of the Bassett Center entrance, Foster took a few seconds to smile and firmly embrace Jazmine.

At that moment, Foster remembered her uphill climb to regain custody of her daughter. Despite her pain and disappointment, she said it was worth it.

"It wasn't a difficulty for me because I already had my mind made up," Foster said. "I wanted my daughter back. I was willing to go through hell to reach my destination."

The Rocky Mount Telegram reported that Jazmine said it becomes hard at times to reconnect with her mother because of the long absence. She said the memories of her mother missing countless birthdays, holidays and other coming-of-age moments are strong reasons to keep distant from her.

"When she said it was blue, I said it was green," Foster said. "Now her being older, she's harbored some personal issues that had to do with me. I felt she was holding my past and me being on drugs against me."

Foster moved into The Bassett Center, a residential transitional center for homeless families, with her daughter in April and gained full custody of Jazmine in July. Since then, Foster has worked more than three jobs in the past year to support them both.

The months provided chances for close interaction, but haven't healed all wounds.

"Sometimes I won't let her get too close because I feel she may hurt me again," Jazmine said. "She did cheat a few years away from me. If she goes back to the same habits, then what?"

Jazmine said the broken relationship with her mother has made it difficult to get close to others. Jazmine was born in Norwalk, Conn., but Foster stayed there for only three weeks because she was having problems with Jazmine's father.

At 13 months, Jazmine moved to South Carolina with her mother. Foster became tangled with drug users and reckless behavior.

"I know I can't make up for the past," Foster said. "I can never get that time back that I lost with her. She holds it against me, but this is something we're working on."

Foster said her own shortfalls have compelled her to be strict with Jazmine.

"It's only a mother's love, and I'm doing more of protecting her than letting her go out there and deal with the pressures on her own," Foster said. "There are lessons in life we all have to learn. I've learned mine. Now, it's my chance to be the teacher."

One of those lessons, Foster said, is the value of hard work.

From school and hotel housekeeping to cashier work, Foster said moving into the Bassett Center has taught her the real meaning of financial responsibility. Learning from her broken past, she said, she never again wants to lean on someone for handouts before trying herself.

But her demanding work schedule often conflicts with spending quality time with her daughter.

By 3 p.m., Foster is off to work, returning around 7 p.m. When Jazmine gets home from SouthWest Edgecombe High School, she walks inside the Bassett Center knowing her mom is not there to greet her.

Both agree this arrangement does not leave them much time to bond.

"It's hard to get time with each other," Jazmine said. "Sometimes I feel like we miss out. But I know she's just doing what she has to do."

One of the requirements for Bassett Center residents is to maintain a job or volunteer service throughout the duration of their stay.

Foster said she didn't know how things would work with the living arrangements when she and Jazmine moved in. Because her daughter is a teenager, certain amenities such as personal space are important.

But Jazmine said she was familiar with this scenario, first residing in foster care at the age 11.

"Ever since then, I've been doing things on my own," Jazmine said. "It's hard for me to get to that point where I don't need (my mom). I'm angry at what she's done, but I couldn't see myself being angry forever."

Foster said she and Jazmine bump heads on subjects such as dating and hanging out with friends. But she said the strictness is a safety measure, something she did not have growing up.

"I thought I was ready to grow up, but in reality, I wasn't," Foster said.

In childhood, Foster missed her mother, who also was into drugs. At a young age Foster was physically and sexually abused, which eventually prompted her to move out at 16 and marry at 17, she said.

The fast lifestyle forced Foster to miss parties, lose friendships and become pregnant by 18.

Traumatic events, such as the death of her grandmother, who took care of her while growing up, and her five-month-old, Robert, also were rough points in Foster's life.

Foster said these events eventually led her to heavy drug use, starting in the early 1980s, which she described as a lifestyle filled with sex, money, stealing and eventually incarceration. Her actions would drive a wedge between her and family members.

"I was too ashamed, and I isolated myself," Foster said. "I only felt comfortable with people that were doing what I was doing. If I saw someone that wasn't doing what I was doing, I would curl up and hide."

Another dip in Foster's straggling recovery came in 2007, when she was locked up for five months for stabbing her then boyfriend, who also was on drugs. Because of the severity, Foster said she was afraid she would go back to prison for good, and eventually lose her daughter.

Foster noted her experience in prison was stressful and felt she was robotic in her daily lifestyle. The countless days confined behind bars often forced her to sleep the hours away, rather than deal with realities of prison.

But what hurt her most was the fact Jazmine did not know she was locked up at the time. She said those five months served as a breaking point and strong indicator she had to U-turn before she eventually self-destructed.

This resulted in her finally calling it quits to a ravaged life of drugs and fast money.

"I loved my freedom and daughter way too much to give up that easy," Foster said. "I had to put (using drugs) out of my head because it wasn't taking me anywhere. I didn't want to live in and out of jail."

In December 2007, Foster was released from jail but had nowhere to turn to for help. Resisting the temptation of her former lifestyle, she spent the next four months seeking shelter throughout the Twin Counties. She found respite in Narcotics Anonymous.

But, Foster was unable to share her progress with her mother.

Last October, Foster learned from her sister in a telephone conversation that her mother passed away, weeks after her burial.

Foster said these experiences have prepared her to be better for Jazmine.

"I didn't know what to expect by doing this," Foster said. "All I knew was that I finally had choices and resources that were in my reach."

As she glanced outside the chapel windows, she caught a glimpse of a few teenagers her daughter's age pacing under the street lights outside the Bassett Center doors. Those dark shadows served as a painful reminder to Foster of where she was, and where she could've ended up.

Although sadness came over her when she sees this, relief followed because it is not her daughter, Foster said.

"I think 'Wow that used to be me,'" Foster said. "It makes me wonder, 'Was I really like that?' But I thank God for bringing me out and giving me another chance to get it right."

Since she's been clean, she said, there's not been a desire to go back to her old ways. She moved into a new apartment and hopes that will open more doors for her and Jazmine to bond and become a tighter family.

Instead of leaning on drugs when in despair, Foster said she has turned to faith, actively participating in church and turning her life to God. Since July, Foster has attended Abundant Life Ministries, joining the church's choir and praise team.

She also has received recognition from her church family for completing new member orientation. She said this is a testament to not giving up and utilizing available resources.

Foster said her struggles have brought her out of her own selfishness and finally have put her inner demons in the rear-view-mirror.

"Right now, is my time," Foster said. "As I finally grow up, I want to get a firm handle on my life to make my daughter's better."

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Information from: Rocky Mount Telegram