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Who pays for affairs in NC?

Posted March 23, 2011
Updated March 24, 2011

— Stealing someone else's spouse can cost you in North Carolina. State law allows divorcees to sue a person who had an affair with their spouse.

Those who have used the alienation of affection law say that it makes cheaters think twice. Some divorce attorneys, though, say that taxpayers are the ones who pay under the law.

"If you steal a high-income male who's a good husband and you have a hand in that, you should be held accountable," said family law attorney Charles Ullman, who supports the law.

Family law attorney Lee Rosen, though, opposes the law and says it's outdated.

"It comes from English common law when women were property of their husband, and so if someone stole your property, you had a claim against this person," Rosen said. "We're treating women like they're cows, pigs, farm animals, and if someone takes one of them away, we ought to get paid for it."

North Carolina is one of seven states with an alienation of affection law still on the books. Both husbands and wives have used it against their ex-spouses' alleged paramours.

To win a suit, a divorced spouse must prove that a person acted maliciously to contribute to or cause the loss of affection in a marriage.

A Wake County judge recently gave the largest alienation of affection award in state history to Carol Puryear, the ex-wife of Donald Puryear, who owns a trucking company in Raleigh. Betty Devin, who later married Donald Puryear, was accused of maliciously breaking up the marriage and was ordered to pay $30 million.

"It really was not about the money for Carol," her attorney Stephanie Jenkins said. "She just wanted her [Devin] to be held accountable. We really do feel she set her sights on him."

Donald Puryear and Devin did not return messages left by WRAL News.

Ullman argued that the law is valuable because it is the only legal deterrent against adultery that is left.

"Except for this law, there are really no consequences to having an affair with a married person," he said. "When people hear about these judgments, it serves as notice that marriage is important and to stay away if they have a wedding band."

Alienation of affection ruling spurs calls to kill law Alienation of affection ruling spurs calls to kill law

Raleigh resident Cynthia Shackelford thought the same when, she says, another woman split up her 32-year marriage. Shackelford sued her ex-husband, Allan, but still hasn't been paid. She then sued Anne Lundquist, of Aurora, N.Y., for having an affair with her husband.

A jury awarded Shackelford $9 million, but because of appeals, she hasn't been paid anything.

That's the result of a majority of alienation of affection lawsuits: Even if they win, the jilted spouses rarely see a dime.

Despite those results, Shackelford said she stands by what she said when she won the lawsuit in March 2010.

"I needed to send a message that if there are other women out there that were entertaining the thought of going after somebody's husband, or vice-versa, to not do it," she said. "If somebody is still with the spouse, sleeping in the marital bed, leave them alone."

Sending a message to would-be homewreckers, though, isn't worth the cost to the public, Rosen argues.

"We (have) money, taxpayer money, being spent in a courtroom to pay a judge, to pay for the building and the court reporter and everybody else. Thousands of dollars (are) spent – for what? So that somebody could make a point?" he said.

"People feel upset when their marriage is unraveling. We, the taxpayers, shouldn't have to pay for them to feel better," he added.

The lawsuits also cause families pain and make divorces nastier, Rosen said.

"This is a nuclear bomb dropped on a family," he said. "When you work with families, you see the destruction these laws cause. You see parents who are unable to parent together because they've gotten embroiled in these lawsuits and it destroys their relationship."

Divorcees and other family law attorneys who represent them say it's a matter of feelings and accountability.

"They’re not out for the money," Ullman said. "They’re talking about validation of their marriage, they’re talking about validation of their wedding vows, and they’re talking about validation of this person being held accountable in some form or fashion for destroying their marriage."

"I'm glad I did it, I would do it all over again whether I see a dime or not," Shackelford said.

Rosen said he thinks the law should be scrapped altogether.

"It’s a law that’s time has come and gone, and it needs to be abolished," he said. "In these cases, the only winner is no one. The losers are us, the taxpayers."

Past attempts by some state lawmakers to repeal the alienation of affection law failed, and no bills to do so are before the ongoing session of the General Assembly.

The law was modified in 2009, stipulating that no one can be sued for actions taken after a couple has permanently and physically separated. A three-year statute of limitations was also placed on the law.


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  • susanfrazee Mar 31, 2011

    I have actually contemplated using this law in the past. I decided that it wouldn't be in the best interest of that situation, nor in the best interest of my family. While I do agree that the other party who breaks up a marriage does need to "face the music," I don't feel it should be at taxpayers' expense. Since many don't see the money after winning the suit, and all it can give you is a false sense of security, why bother? Cut your losses, realize that your spouse is a loser for cheating on you, and cut him or her loose. There's no point in dragging the situation out in court.

  • ncsuecu Mar 25, 2011

    I agree, the taxpayers should then collect the cost from the person who caused the alienation!

  • ncsuecu Mar 25, 2011

    When a person commits murder, the taxpayers have no qualms about footing the bill. When a person knowingly goes after a person who is still wedded in all ways, bedroom, home life, social life, religious life, etc. then that person knowingly has killed the act of the union of one, a married couple. Keep the law and adulterous spouses beware!

  • caroexc Mar 25, 2011

    this issue has nothing to do with property rights it has to do with someone inflicting serious damage to spouses and their children. It is a tort, which our government is obligated to provide a forum for and, if appropriate, proper compensation for, one of the most damaging acts a person can commit- which is intentionally coming between a marriage of two people. If you ever wonder what damage is done under the circumstance of adultery just ask a person who has experienced it. It not only hurts the injured party it also damages the children. Keep the law.Its the lawyers responsibility as an officer of the court to refrain from those and other lawsuits which may be w/out merit from the jucicial system.

  • bonnnie Mar 25, 2011

    I think an affair is wrong but when one spouse ignores the needs wants and desires of the other then what does one expect and that alienation of affection law is a crock!

  • ncmike Mar 24, 2011

    Moral of the story: have an air tight pre-nup before tying the knot. If marriage is a contract, which it is, then make a real one with the terms and conditions agreed to explicitly nad don't accept the default one.

  • mattcli Mar 24, 2011

    I guess I haven't had enough relationships, but why is it always the "other man/woman" who is blamed for an affair? Not to say they're blameless in all cases, but it is the cheating spouse that broke the vows. They're the ones who should pay, and we have civil courts to handle that.

    An affair is a terrible thing and is about as inexcusable an act as there can be, but a crime? No, that's just silly.

  • tgiv Mar 24, 2011

    "It is a complete waste of money for taxpayers and innocent people!"

    Not everyone who is sued under the law is innocent. In that regard it is like any other tort laws on the book. To be consistent, then adjudicating any tort suit costs the taxpayers money and might involve someone being innocently sued.

    A better solution is to make the court costs more realistic, and strictly enforce collection of those costs and frivolous legal fees. As far as I'm concerned if you played a part in breaking up a marriage, I have no issue with there being some cost associated with that. I don't think the cost should be the same or greater than the cheating spouse, but there should be some penalty.

  • BigUNCFan Mar 24, 2011

    This law should be scrapped. It makes North Carolina look like a backwards hick state when it is actually in many ways progressive. Use existing divorce laws to get what you are owed.

  • josephlawrence43 Mar 24, 2011

    Lets look at it this way...my wife leaves me for another man..that means a divorce==expensive..splitting the common property--I lose at least half of what we accumulated. I as the husband probably lose my home...Slam-bang right somebody is going to reimburse me for all this..call it whatever you wish-repayment, retribution, but why should I not be compensated???