Father shares story of bullied son's suicide with Raleigh students

Raleigh, N.C. — Students at East Wake Middle School sat silently Tuesday as Kirk Smalley described how his 11-year-old son shot and killed himself in 2010 after enduring two years of bullying.

"I'm here to tell you what happened to Ty. I'm hoping that, by doing that, you can make sure this doesn't ever happen again to another kid," said Smalley, who now speaks to students around the world about preventing bullying.

Ty Smalley's experience was featured in the documentary "Bully," which was released this year.

"Stand up and say it's not right," Kirk Smalley said, showing his young audience photos of boys and girls who were driven to suicide by bullies. The stories resonated with the students.

"I did not want to go to school, and almost every day, I would be in the office," bullying victim Charlie Woodlief said, noting that he got through that difficult time with the help of his family, friends and teachers.

"Bullying is a problem that affects a lot of people in different ways," student Shayla Stackhouse said.

Even East Wake Middle Principal Nancy Allen recalled being bullied as a child.

"Whenever one of my students comes to me and says, 'I’ve been bullied,' I remember those days, and I get a lump in my throat," Allen said. "I don’t want that to happen to one of my kids here. They’re too important."

Teachers can do only so much to stop bullying, she said.

"It's up to (students), and it's up to them to care about each other," she said.

A nationwide survey found that about one in five high school students had been bullied at school in 2008-09, and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has called bullying a widespread problem.

The Wake County Public School System has a Bullying Prevention Task Force that is studying the best ways to deal with the problem.

Each student at Tuesday's Stand for the Silent assembly received a bracelet with the inscription "I am somebody."

Smalley said he believes that, if children believe in themselves, they won't bully and will help protect others.

"You've got to be the one that can go up to that kid and offer your hand in friendship," he said.

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These bullies that make life ___ for other students sometimes grow up to make life ____ on their co-workers later in life.

Bullying doesn't always stop when a kid graduates or quits school. I've seen some pretty nasty bullies in the workplace, especially in state government. A good friend of mine was bullied to the point where she checked the value on her life insurance policy. Her husband was out of work and they had a kid to support—and the bully knew that. She knew my friend needed this job and that seemed to intensify her efforts to make life miserable. My friend was lucky to have a supportive family, who helped her through.

When you're a kid, your sense of time is so different. Everything is so "right here, right now." Telling a kid that things will get better with time doesn't always help. But maybe if we stop the bullies when they are young, fewer workplace incidents will occur?

Hippy_mom
August 17, 2012 5:27 p.m.

You know, fortunately/unfortunately, the grandmother/bus monitor incident at the end of last school year brings this to light. I either experience those verbal abuses or see it on a daily basis in school.....student on adult (teacher/custodian/administrator) abuse is rampant. Although that case dropped off the radar, it is my understanding that the kids were charged by the police in spite of the grnadmother not pressing charges herself. That is what it will take.

ashwednesday36
August 16, 2012 12:17 p.m.

Please all us need stop this bulling now.Let not lose a another child or any one to Bullies.

esteryates69
August 16, 2012 11:47 a.m.

ashwednesday36: I also told the Asst. Principal that I am gonna nip this in the bud. he told me that he was not aware of stuff happening to my granddaughter and I told him why> on several ocasions she told me to not say anything because it would make it worse on her. Well, I didn't care. I told the asst. principal I want the girl, the mother of the girl who lead this gang and I to sit down and find out what is going on. Did anything happen, no way. I am telling you, they don't care, they just want to herd these kids out of schools like cattle and get those numbers. When grandaughter was attacked she had no choice but to defend herself. I know if I had driven up that day and say what was happening, I would have jumped right in the middle of those kids and started swinging. This 62 year old 4 ft. 11" lady would have showed them a thing or two.

smokeybear
August 16, 2012 9:52 a.m.

Interestingly the principal and the perpetrator were both African American. Had that been reversed imagine what would have happened. That girl left the school and entered a private school. I found the school and the new principal. I also found that the girl had told the new principal EVERYTHING that had been happening to her at the hands of this young man. I gave the principal a phone number and some important information. I don't care if I never teach again, when I'm called by this girls father's attorney I will sing like a bird!!!!

ashwednesday36
August 16, 2012 8:17 a.m.