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Married but lonely? Here's the reason and solution to your solitude

Posted May 19

People often have a misconception of what loneliness is, or rather, what it feels like to be alone. You can be married with five children, have a successful job, real friends and still feel like the loneliest person in the world.

Many married women suffer incredible solitude even in a successful and healthy relationship. Instead of feeling content in your marriage, your loneliness stems from feeling ignored, even if your spouse isn't giving you the cold shoulder. You may feel alone even though your husband is still there, supporting you.

If you've ever felt that way, it’s time to make a change. Even if it doesn't seem like it, there is a solution to this problem — and it starts with you. It's time to get help and find a way to feel full of life even when feelings of loneliness start to creep in. Here's how to start:

1. Start by changing your routines

Go to the local library, get out and learn something new, go running in the morning instead of in the evenings or go out shopping to switch up your routine. Ask your husband for support as you find new hobbies, break up your routine and overcome your feeling of loneliness. If the thought of doing these things alone is too much, invite your spouse, a friend or a family member to come along with you.

Changing your routines and learning new things will give you a sense of accomplishment and newfound passions. You changes will also likely spur changes in your husband, which may give a "restart" to your relationship. This change could banish your loneliness and make your marriage even stronger.

2. Stop doing things for him out of expectation

Thousands of women in the world do everything for their husbands. These women begin to believe that keeping the house clean and their husbands’ clothes ready is a marital obligation that comes in the marriage contract. This is not true. You shouldn’t have to do things for him just because he expects it from you. Service should be done out of love, not obligation.

If you’re a wife that does this, gradually stop ironing his shirts and ask him to take over. Don't feel like you have to have dinner on the table the minute he comes home — he can help prepare tonight's meal or the both of you can choose to go out. Take the opportunity to embrace the subject of feeling lonely and ignored and ask your husband to help you find a solution to these emotions. Discussing how and why you serve each other can open up a conversation about feeling ignored or unappreciated without pointing fingers.

3. Take care of yourself

Make changes for yourself. If you’ve had the same hairstyle forever, change it up. Start exercising, meditating or doing yoga to feel good in your own skin if you don’t already. Find ways to feel comfortable reading a book alone, at a cafe. Making these changes will help you feel better about yourself, give you confidence and make you feel great. In return, you'll be able to find confidence instead of loneliness in life.

When you start caring for yourself, you will love and value yourself. You will realize that change starts with you. When you begin to feel comfortable with yourself, loneliness will no longer be a problem for you or your relationship. Through all of this, don't leave your partner in the dark. He wants to be there to support you, and isolating him will only increase your feelings of being alone. Work together to find confidence and happiness in your once lonely relationship.

Soy profesional en psicología. Tengo experiencia en trabajo con comunidades, niños y adolescentes en riesgo.

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