I think I’ve been going about this parenting thing all wrong. Or at least 75 percent wrong. I’m too nice. Yes, I make rules that have to be followed and if they’re not, punishments follow. I think I’m being tough. But overall, I’m probably too nice and, maybe, a little soft.
My eyes were opened last week after listening to a presentation given by family psychologist John Rosemond. He says our culture has adopted “feelings based” parenting and it’s stripped moms of all authority at home. (And let me tell ya, I have an abundance of feelings oozing out of every pore!)
He gave a great example. Moms are now CEOs, military leaders and business owners by day, but when we get home, we take orders from a five-year-old!
I think about all the mountain of parenting material I’ve read since I first became a mom. Squat down and get on your child's level, validate their feelings, let them have choices … and the list goes on.
Do you remember being brought up like that? I don’t. We were told what to do and that was that. Now it seems like we (moms), submerge ourselves in our kids’ lives. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in it.
Rosemond says moms of the 1950s engaged in “responsible ignoring." They let their children learn by trial and error, let them amuse themselves and let them take responsibility for their actions. Now moms try to do everything for their child and be perfect. You know, supermom. As a result, kids expect and not respect, according to Rosemond. He even says by the time kids are 2 ½, mom should be a part-time job!
As a psychologist, Rosemond bucks the norm with his views. I’m not saying I agree with everything, but a big chunk of it sure makes sense and I’ve been putting it to use. I stand up straight when I talk to them. I feel like I speak to them with more authority. I tell them what they have to do and what I expect from them in a no-nonsense, it’s my way or the highway, sort of way!
I’m still a loving, caring mom. But I’m taking back myself, my time and my power!