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Go Ask Mom

Lynda Loveland: Mom intervention

Posted October 24, 2012

Lynda Loveland

I think I’ve been going about this parenting thing all wrong. Or at least 75 percent wrong. I’m too nice. Yes, I make rules that have to be followed and if they’re not, punishments follow. I think I’m being tough. But overall, I’m probably too nice and, maybe, a little soft.

My eyes were opened last week after listening to a presentation given by family psychologist John Rosemond. He says our culture has adopted “feelings based” parenting and it’s stripped moms of all authority at home. (And let me tell ya, I have an abundance of feelings oozing out of every pore!)

He gave a great example. Moms are now CEOs, military leaders and business owners by day, but when we get home, we take orders from a five-year-old!

I think about all the mountain of parenting material I’ve read since I first became a mom. Squat down and get on your child's level, validate their feelings, let them have choices … and the list goes on.

Do you remember being brought up like that? I don’t. We were told what to do and that was that. Now it seems like we (moms), submerge ourselves in our kids’ lives. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in it.

Rosemond says moms of the 1950s engaged in “responsible ignoring." They let their children learn by trial and error, let them amuse themselves and let them take responsibility for their actions. Now moms try to do everything for their child and be perfect. You know, supermom. As a result, kids expect and not respect, according to Rosemond. He even says by the time kids are 2 ½, mom should be a part-time job!

As a psychologist, Rosemond bucks the norm with his views. I’m not saying I agree with everything, but a big chunk of it sure makes sense and I’ve been putting it to use. I stand up straight when I talk to them. I feel like I speak to them with more authority. I tell them what they have to do and what I expect from them in a no-nonsense, it’s my way or the highway, sort of way!

I’m still a loving, caring mom. But I’m taking back myself, my time and my power!

Lynda is the mom of three and co-host of Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM's Bill & Lynda in the Morning. Find her here on Thursdays. Click here to check her out on Facebook.


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  • mwilliams2 Oct 27, 2012

    >>Zelda - Unsophisticated and outdated??? Why? It worked then, it will work now. You were raised that way and you didn't turn out bad, did you?

    Used to also be okay to have your infant ride on your lap in the front seat of the car. Many of us survived that too ... does that make it okay? Can't believe so many agree with this quack, whose recommendations can be outright damaging to a child. Disgusting.

  • daves4545 Oct 27, 2012

    I am a high school teacher and I can say that I can see a difference in kids and their respect for authority(or lack thereof) change over the years. Some parents respond when you call about problems with their kids but others...they talk a good game but the same behavior is repetitive. And there is a difference in kids talking too much and being disruptive. Many kids think they should be catered too. They are going to have a difficult time when they reach the "real" world.

  • dmj Oct 25, 2012

    I love John Rosemond!

  • Killian Oct 25, 2012

    Sugar Plum - what he means is that once the kids is 2.5yrs old, they should be able to amuse themselves for short periods such that Mom does not have to be 100% engaged 100% of the time.

    Too many kids are brought up in homes where their every whim is catered to, and their limits are softer than clouds. If they shove through a limit, it's met with a suggestion instead of any sort of repercussions.

    While I stand firm on my belief that physical discipline is never necessary (and yes, I've raised 3 amazing kids without it!), there is absolutely no reason for children to be running the household, to have no chores, to sass back to parents when asked to do something, etc. Children are not being raised these days; they're being bubble wrapped through their teens and then turned out into the real world with the expectation that everyone else should cater to them as their parents have.

  • k8ered Oct 25, 2012

    "John Rosemond prefers an authoritarian approach to parenting. It's incredibly unsophisticated and outdated." - Zelda

    You forgot to add "and it works". This is the problem with families nowadays. Perhaps he offers an "authoritarian approach" because parents ARE the authority figures in the home! When they are not is when the problems begin. Kids today are told that they are (or should be) on equal footing with adults as far as what decisions are made for them and what rules they have to follow. They need to be taught that they will follow rules or they will suffer consequences. We need to help guide them down the right path, but unless children know that they are NOT in charge, your home will have endless problems and havoc.

  • MRS PG Oct 25, 2012

    why should a stay at home mom get a part time job when kid is 2.5, all that is doing is paying someone to raise their child? A part time job when child is in school, yes, I agree to that.

  • storchheim Oct 25, 2012

    What good is "sophistication", if you raise brats full of self-esteem but with disagreeable personalities and helpless to think and do for themselves?

    Incredibly, he also believes that the MARRIAGE, not the child, is the rightful center of the family. How outdated and unsophisticated!

  • this is my Screen Name Oct 25, 2012

    Amen, treefrognc, amen! I was raised when it was ok for parents to spank their kids also, and it was not done in an abusive way, I knew it was done with love, even though it hurt like crazy. Rules of the house were not negotiated and we had responsibilities and boundaries. We did NOT talk back to our parents. I grew up in the 50's and it was not easy, but I believe my parents did it right, and they used the Bible as the foundation of our home.

  • treefrognc Oct 25, 2012

    So true. Letting kids take responsibility for themselves is something sorely lacking from society today. Do you know that there are elementary school children who cannot even pour from a container! Basic skills are being taken away by parents trying to do everything for their child. These skills are what they need to survive in the world by themselves. Let's be parents again, not their friends. Let's give them the skills they need to grow, survive and succeed in the world.

  • Life-goes-on. Oct 25, 2012

    Way to go Lynda!! Giving kids boundaries and teaching respect is more important than "building their little egos" and giving them authority over their own parents and other adults.