Looking for true love? 7 reasons why your friends may trump Tinder
Posted April 26, 2016
Tinder has taken the dating world by storm, but it still lacks the human touch.
Here are 7 reasons why your friends trump Tinder when it comes to finding love:
1. Friends are good at introducing friends
Friends introduce each other to other friends and according to one study, they are far more effective than dating apps.
A 2,373-person survey conducted by Mic, shows that nearly 39% of couples met each other through friends. In contrast, slightly less than 10% met each other through an online service or dating app. All of the couples surveyed were between the ages of 18 and 34, which means that they all likely had the opportunity to use dating websites or apps before they met their significant other. Still, far more of them found success through friends than through technology.
2. Friends are often good "coaches"
Studies show that people need mentors and coaches to develop expertise in fields such as sports, music, and chess. But people often overlook the value of a good mentor when it comes to dating.
Cheryl Mloch of Aurora, Colorado, has a knack for setting up her friends. She has set up 15 couples, and 14 of those couples have dated each other long-term. Several of them also married each other.
Her background as a mental health counselor could explain her high success record. While she only sets up friends, (not clients) her support and insight are invaluable.
She calms her friends down and builds up their confidence. She tells them that's it normal to feel nervous on a date, and that there's nothing wrong with admitting that they are nervous.
She also helps her friends develop a strategy. She helps them think of questions they might want to ask. She helps them figure out what they want to share about themselves. She even practices role playing with her friends to get them feeling more ready and more confident.
3. Friends aren’t afraid to ask tough questions
A good friend isn't afraid to ask tough questions.
Mloch also isn't afraid to ask her friends what went wrong on a date.
Once her friend tells her what happened, she prods further with questions such as “So do you feel that that’s definitely a no go?” or “Are you overreacting a bit?”
She also helps them recognize when they might need to be more open-minded. She tells them things like, “Some people aren’t going to have it (attraction) right way. Do you demand it? You never know. You could develop an attraction.”
While she lets her friends think for themselves, she questions their assumptions. She helps them examine their reasons for giving up so quickly. Often these reasons are unfounded.
4. Friends pay attention
Friends pay attention. Reed Wilson served in a church congregation of single people. He’d observe a situation and then say to a girl, “Hey, I’ve been noticing that this guy has been checking you out. You might just want to go talk to him.” Wilson's tips have paid off. He has put together 26 couples that eventually married.
Rachel Webb of Sonoma County, California set up a couple of her friends. They decided to double date and while they were all at the restaurant together, she and her girlfriend slipped into the bathroom. Webb was surprised to hear her friend gush on and on about her date.
“Well that’s funny,” said Webb. “Because you are certainly not showing him that you are interested.”
Her friend was surprised to hear that she was acting so cool towards her date, especially when she liked him so much.
Later Webb told her friend's date that her friend really liked him. He was also surprised because Webb's friend hadn't given him any signals that she was interested at the restaurant. However, after learning that Rachel's friend found him attractive, he decided to ask her out again. She was much warmer with him on the next date, and they dated for several months.
5. Friends know what their friends want
Mloch takes the time to ask her friends what kind of person they want to date. Not only does she ask them what they want in a relationship, but she asks them about the people they've dated in the past. Because Mloch understands what her friends need in a relationship, she's able to set them up with people that meet those needs.
Webb also wants to know about past relationships before she sets her friends up on dates. She even asks her friend for a picture of his last girlfriend. She also asks her friend about potential deal breakers. This protects her and her friend from potentially awkward situations.
Suzanne Merrill, who has also set up several couples asks, "What kind of person attracts you?" She even keeps a little database in her phone and lets her single friends look through it to see if there's somebody that they might want to date.
6. Friends give friends a push
When Wilson would walk into his church, he would stop a friend and say, “Hey I need you to do me a favor. Go and sit by her.”
Sometimes he would see a boy and a girl sitting a few seats apart from each other. He would stoop next to them and say, “Hey would you mind scooting over?” After they scooted next to each other, he would say thanks and then walk away.
7. Friends offer reassurance
Wilson says that when a guy seemed worried about asking a girl out, he’d just say, "What’s the harm in going out once? Go out and have a good time.”
Cheryl Mloch also tells her friends, "You're not going to get married. You’re just going to meet the other person. If you don’t like them, just blame me. All you’re going to do is meet.”
Becky Blackburn is the mother of five children and is a native of Price, Utah. She graduated from BYU's J. Reuben Clark Law School. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.