Bill Leslie's Carolina Conversations

Why Men Are Happier

Posted July 19, 2007

Men are just happier because....... It's the title of a humorous essay sent to me by a viewer. Author unknown. I don't want to offend anyone or turn this into a battle of the sexes. I'd just like to have some fun. Feel free to agree, disagree and offer counter arguments.

I would like this tongue-in-check essay to serve as a springboard for our Carolina Conversations topic tomorrow: "North Carolinians Are Just Happier People Because.........."

But first from an anonymous humorist:

"Men Are Just Happier People" . . . .

What do you expect from such simple people? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Heck, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100.00. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more then enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.You're unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your hips. One wallet, one pair of shoes, and one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th. in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier


Please with your account to comment on this story. You also will need a Facebook account to comment.

Oldest First
View all
  • beenc2 Jul 19, 2007

    I like the belching part.

  • Travised Jul 19, 2007

    I have to laugh at this... it cuts toooo close to the truth. The one suitcase for 5 days (well over a week for me!) make me crack up. Been there done it! My friend had the car packed with her materials and I had one bag, with a second to stuff for my dirty cloths.

    Knowing how a family member has a dozen or so shoes she "needs"; I have about 3. Work boots, tennis shoes, and dress shoes. They get replaced when tred is flat; or the boots get retreaded.

    It's interesting how the genders take things diffrently.

    I will say this to the Men on the stations as a wisecrack; they DO use their make-up on the set to avoid glare from the lights :)

  • SpunkyGrits The One and Only Jul 19, 2007

    You are welcome. However, I am not sure that "interesting" is the word that some people would use, lol.

    I really do like your blog; however that "thing" which comes over women sometimes to "bash males" when they don't need to be "bashed", came over me.

  • bleslie Jul 19, 2007

    Thanks for keeping things interesting Spunkysoutherngirl!

  • Wray Jul 19, 2007

    It takes a "Wheel" man to say that!

  • SpunkyGrits The One and Only Jul 19, 2007

    Men are happier because (as noted above in so many words) women take care of everything in their lives, lol!!!!

  • bleslie Jul 19, 2007

    Very funny, Wheelman!

  • knightslady Jul 19, 2007

    This is so true. I have had my laugh for the day. Thanks Bill

  • Wheelman Jul 19, 2007

    Con't. 24 of the relatives are yours. And by the spite of all these things, we still love one another!

  • Wheelman Jul 19, 2007

    You're too complex. You choose to change your last name. The rest of the house is yours. We just wanted to get married, not have an event. You can wear almost nothing to a water park. Mechanics are afraid to talk to you. It's a women's restroom, but we get blamed. You work for another woman. We get to pay for cosmetic surgery. We're still paying for the wedding. Out chest is around our waist. You pass gas and blame it on us. We don't get new shoes. There's no room in the closet. All moods all the time. You never had a 30 second conversation. Overnight takes 5 bags. You're not embaressed when you can't open a jar. We get no credit for having any thoughts. Someone forgets to say hello and we get to hear about it all night. We can't afford underwear after you went shopping. We have zippers to worry about. Hairstyle? Who has hair? You don't grow hair out of your ears and nose. Our belly hides more than our waist. No money for wallet and we're color blind. We never mentioned your mustache.




Meet the Author
Bill Leslie