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Lynda Loveland: Sleeping arrangements

Posted August 10, 2011

Lynda Loveland

I’m gonna catch a lot of flack for this, but I’m going to discuss it anyway. My husband and I have come up with a sleeping arrangement for the kids, meaning who gets to sleep with us, when.

The whole sleeping with us thing is very cyclical. They stay in their rooms for a few weeks or months and then it seems all they want to do is crash with us. Lately, it’s turned into a nightly battle.

Yes, I know we can put our foot down and that’s that. We’ve done that. I’m probably breaking all kinds of parenting rules. But, I kinda like snuggling with them. So sue me. They probably won’t have much to do with us in a few years, so I think, why not soak it up now! I love those quiet moments. I’m starting to get that feeling that they’re growing up too quickly.

My wacky, early morning schedule makes it easier to do. I go to bed early during the work week, right after the kids.

Each child gets one night. One Tuesday, one Wednesday and one Thursday. All other nights are off limits. No talking allowed. They always end up sleeping very well for some reason.

We’re starting this week. I’ll let you know how it goes.

All right, take your best shot.

Lynda is the mom of three and co-host of Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM's Bill & Lynda in the Morning. Find her here on Thursdays.

37 Comments

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  • pjdisme Aug 16, 2011

    If it's working for you and your family, how on earth can anyone else give you flack? And yet, I see it happen everyday in my line of work. I'm a postpartum doula and baby sleep coach. (Sarah Hall did a parenting series with me last year on GoAskMom, and oh, you and I met at Lifetime today.)

    Just because I'm a sleep coach doesn't mean I will tell people NOT to have a family bed. It's really up to the family. The ones who don't have an issue with it are not calling me. And in your case, you've come up with a plan that sounds like a win for everyone involved.

    And you're right, they grow up way to quickly. Enjoy these moments (I say that as I'm preparing to go to a college seminar with my oldest tonight). Occasionally, if I'm really lucky, one of my teenagers will snuggle with me for a wee bit. I've let them both know that no matter how old they are, or how old and gray I may be, we can always find time to snuggle.

  • shan0419 Aug 12, 2011

    I think that is a GREAT idea! I hope it works out well for you. I have 4 children ages 11 to 2. The older 2 no longer come to my room. The 7 year old does on occasion, but my 2 year old almost always winds up in my bed. He looks like a little angel sleeping with his head on my pillow. I want to enjoy it while it lasts!

  • lawpirate is still around Aug 12, 2011

    I'm so happy to see such nice responses! I have 3 girls and they have been in and out of my bed since they were born. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything! And my kids are far from clingy...just the opposite! They are confident and outgoing. The bigger they've gotten, the more difficult they are to sleep with though. About 2 years ago, I started reading to them at night (think Chapter books like Ramona). That way they at least fall asleep in their own beds. But someone always manages to come squeeze in my bed whether it's between me and hubby or me and the dog! They are only little for a short time! Enjoy!

  • carolinagirl28 Aug 12, 2011

    I agree with a lot of the stuff posted here - kids are only little for a short while, get as many snuggles as you can, they'll eventually sleep on their own, etc. However, I think one of the best gifts you can give your children is a good marriage between their parents. And building that strong, happy marriage requires some alone time between the 2 of you. It's ok to set boundaries for kids and make them understand that only mom and dad sleep in their bed. If you want those morning snuggles, get up earlier and get in their bed with them for a few minutes before anyone has to get up. You could also let them have sibling slumber parties, which are popular at my house. I agree that everyone has to do what works for them, but there are no kids in the master bedroom at my house!

  • Lab mom Aug 12, 2011

    My daughter is 9 and she still gets up once or twice a week and gets in bed with us. I agree. She will NOT want to do this much longer and she is my only child. I will suck up every moment. Enjoy them.

  • amgnc07 Aug 11, 2011

    My kids are 9 and 7 and YES they sleep with me about 1 time a week. I would not have it any other way. I love nothing better than watching them sleep. Minus the foot in the face every once in awhile. LOL!!

  • debbym1965 Aug 11, 2011

    That was my point of view...one day they will not want to be around me, much less sleep with me! Not everyone gets to sleep with angels!

  • shc0729 Aug 11, 2011

    One of the sweetest memories of my childhood is of running across the cold wooden floors of our house and crawling into my parents bed and my Daddy holding my feet to get them warm.
    All of my sons slept in our bed on occasion which makes for sweet memories. As they aged anytime one needed talk where did he come but to Mom & Dads bed and plop down across the bed to talk about whatever was on his mind.

    Lynda & Randal, Create & cherish the memories!

  • Killian Aug 11, 2011

    Hey, if it works for you, why not? There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping; many cultures around the world endorse it for a myriad of reasons.

    Rock on with whatever works for your own family.

  • sowhat Aug 11, 2011

    I think the schedule is a good idea so you and your hubby will still have alone time. I know many parents who allow their children to sleep in their bed every night until they get too big, but I believe this is unhealthy for the marriage. The wife might not mind kids in the bed every night for 10 years, but I'll bet the farm that the husband in those situations would prefer a different arrangement.

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