Baby Steps: Lack of focus

When we first discovered that, as a couple, we were suffering from infertility, I knew we were in for a bumpy ride. But this most recent phase was unexpected.

My husband and I both seem to have lost our focus on finding a solution. We still both very much want a baby, but we now find ourselves at a crossroads. And instead of choosing a path we are just avoiding making the decision altogether.

I know I’ve been saying for months that we would really get cracking on this once I was done with school. My husband has been meaning to schedule another appointment with his urologist for a check-up. Unbelievably, next month will be one year since his surgery. And I know our next step is to sit down with the financial folks at our clinic. But we just can’t seem to take any action!

Meanwhile, our families are stringing along waiting for an update and to learn how they can help; I write blogs each week about the small ways this struggle is impacting our lives with very little progress to report; and I get closer and closer to the dreaded age of 30.

I’ll admit – this phase is easier in some ways. It’s nothing like the beginning when I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. It’s different than the period when I could tear up at the sight of a baby. This phase is like I’ve been shot with Novocain. I am numb.

I never expected to "fall off the wagon," so to speak. I have no doubt in my mind that a baby is still what we want. But this burden has been a tough one to bear for both of us. Perhaps we just needed to set it down for a while.

Since this kind of caught us off guard – I’m wondering if we are not alone. Has anyone else ever experienced this feeling along the way? How did you get yourself back on track?