Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Baby Steps: Feelin' lucky

Posted March 17, 2011

My husband was born on St. Patty’s Day so I’d like to think we have some luck on our side. He’s also Irish and has “branded” himself as such. Needless to say, the Bowleys definitely take pride in this particular day.

And it seems fitting. No matter which path we choose, it will involve plenty of GREEN. We’re still pinning down exactly how much we’ll be coming out of pocket for a round of in vitro vs. adoption.

Right at this point, though, most of our efforts have slowed considerably. He is planning one last ditch test and appointment with his doctor, though neither of us is counting on that to change much. Our last appointment with a fertility specialist confirmed any change there would likely not be enough that we can plan on getting pregnant without help.

Our plan now is to make a decision after I graduate with my Master’s Degree. At this point – with just a few weeks left – it doesn’t make sense to stack this on top of my growing end of semester responsibilities.

In the meantime, maybe a stroke of good luck will make all the decision making and planning a mute point.

Christine is the weekday noon news producer at WRAL-TV. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.



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  • howdiditgettothis Mar 19, 2011

    Sorry, but I agree with Carolinagirl. Olive91988 & JAT - you obviously have experienced little tragedy in your life -- so I'm glad you feel so blessed to offer such superior advice in your words. Why are you reading this blog?

    There is nothing wrong with telling someone to enjoy life, but when you start your "encouragement" with "you're back to ...." it does lend itself to a snotty, authoritative tone. You think that is helpful? It's not.

    I have been to heck and back trying to have a child, and it is NO COMFORT to have someone say "enjoy what you've got." It has nothing to do with a self pity party, either. I carried one child 34 weeks knowing it would not survive, and the worst thing anyone said to me during those 8 months was "God doesn't give us what we can't handle."

    These are serious, expensive, life changing decisions, and there is no right or wrong.

    You don't know it til you live it -- so until then - keep your judgements to yourself!

  • mdwrfw Mar 19, 2011

    Christine, I enjoy your blog and think you are brave to share this experience with us. I am sure many other women in your shoes are very interested in what you have to say. As a mother of 3 and grandmother of 5, I encourage you to become a mother in whatever way works....being a mother has been a constant joy in my life. It is well worth any sacrifice made along the way.I have two adopted nephews that I love dearly and a wonderful great-niece conceived in vitro.I look forward to reading about your journey......don't delay making decisions.

  • olive91988 Mar 18, 2011

    JAT - I totally get what you are saying. I don't see what is wrong with telling someone to "enjoy life and let things happen or not happen". Where is it written that every woman must have 2.5 children to be "complete". We are all complete whether we are able to have children or not. Not many can afford the money, time and energy to spend to go through IVF or to adopt a baby. Why do we pressure ourselves so much? Time and life is so short. Enjoy life. Support one another whatever their choices. I feel like society in general, family, friends, coworkers, etc, puts entirely too much pressure on young women to have a baby and make them feel they absolutely MUST have them no matter the drain (emotionally or financially).

  • carolinagirl28 Mar 18, 2011

    Whatever, JAT. Here is a woman who is going through a very difficult personal situation and has the courage to share it with others through her blog, and all you can respond with is negativity. Take a lesson from the other people commenting and be a little supportive. And if you can't think of anything nice to say, keep quiet! I sincerely hope you never go through a tough time and have people talk to you the way you comment to this woman.

  • JAT Mar 18, 2011

    Carolinagirl - not telling her a "better" way - just another way. Though granted, I never thought I'd see the say when telling someone to "enjoy life and let things happen or not happen" would be a bad thing. That's one of the things wrong wiht blogs like this that have too many "poor poor pitiful me's" on here who relish wallowing in self-pity and drama. That is not the way to live, to bring a child into this world or do pretty much anything else.

  • Twittyfan Mar 18, 2011

    Praying for you!!! I admire you and your husband. Do what is best for you and your husband.. I wish you the very best!!! A child is a blessing regardless. I wish it wasn't so hard for people that want a child so bad because there are so many kids out here that can just have them.. I know that may be a little harsh and there is a reason that only God knows why but I just have never understood that and never will.. Anyway best of luck and best wishes in getting your bundle of joy...Never give up trying...

  • Lab mom Mar 18, 2011

    I will pray for you. I was in your shoes and weighed out everything with IVF vs adoption. We decided to do IVF and worry about adoption if it failed. We were very blessed with a baby first try. Its only a decision you and your husband can make. Everyone has an opinion which got old for us after a long time. We didnt have alot of money so our options were limited. My prayers are with you. Good luck.

  • carolinagirl28 Mar 18, 2011

    I've read many of the comments you have made on these posts, and you are always telling her a "better" way to handle this tough situation. My question is, what gives you that right? Even if you have struggled with infertility at some point, your experience would not have been identical to hers, so you have no right to tell her how she should or shouldn't feel and what she should or shouldn't do. I know if I was struggling to have a child, I would not want someone hiding behind a computer telling me, "Enjoy life and let things happen or not happen." How could anyone feel like that is an appropriate thing to say?

  • JAT Mar 18, 2011

    I'm not criticizing anyone. And my words aren't meaningless. Sorry that you feel that way.

  • carolinagirl28 Mar 18, 2011

    It amazes me that anyone would criticize someone going through this journey or pretend to know how better to handle it. JAT, why don't you leave her alone? I'm sure she doesn't want to hear meaningless words like yours.
    Best of luck to you, however you decide to grow your family. Children are a blessing no matter how they come into your life and I hope you enjoy every minute!