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Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Baby Steps: Options

Posted January 27, 2011

Wow! I was not ready for this!

After my last blog, I hopped on the internet and searched for adoption centers nearby and I was blown away by what I found. We literally have so many options to choose from!

We can adopt internationally, nationally or even locally. And before we even make that decision, we have to decide if we want an open, semi-open or closed adoption. There are choices to make about who to hire and what requirements we have to meet. On top of all that, we have to decide how the heck we’re going to pay for it all!

After all this time feeling backed into a corner only to find out there are really so many different ways to go – it is so refreshing.

I spent about an hour online skimming through websites of adoption agencies, counselors and attorneys. I requested information from many of them, which means I now have a stack of additional documents to read. My husband and I actually planned to attend a face to face session earlier this week but we weren’t quite ready to dive in without completely understanding all the options.

We are both really excited at all the possibilities that lay ahead. And before we make any hard and fast decisions, we are meeting with fertility specialists for a consultation to understand where we stand. I’ll let you know the results of that meeting in next week’s blog.

Christine is a news producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.


 

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  • JAT Jan 28, 2011

    I agree that the parent needs to give medical history. And I agree that the child should be told he's adopted. I just don't agree that the adopted families should be forced to maintain a relationship. Sometimes it's in the kid's best interest to not have anything to do with their bio family.

  • Twittyfan Jan 28, 2011

    I think it should be mandatory for the parent when they give up the child for adoption they should be made to get all the medical background history.. I would not want the parents that gave up their baby to be able to come back into their life but you need to tell the truth to the kid when they become mature enough to handle it and let it go from there..but again that is up to each parent to decide if they want to bring it up to the kid one day..

  • JAT Jan 28, 2011

    macharsam - good point but to protect the child, sometimes it's best not to have an open adoption. Or perhaps the parents can know but the bio parents still have no right to a relationship or know who the adopted parents are. I just think adopted parents have the right NOT to have the interference of the bio parents or extended family if that's what they think is best for THEIR child.

  • jessicaehamilton Jan 28, 2011

    We decided to use donor sperm after being told of my dh's infertility. It has been a great experience for us and it was low in cost compared to the other options. It was the best choice for us since I didn't have any fertility issues. Good luck with your choice. Make it right for your family. Don't worry what others think or say.

  • snowl Jan 28, 2011

    I'm sure you will receive a lot of advice to sift through on your adoption journey ahead. I can speak for my late husband when I say, closed adoptions may not be the best option. He was depressed to find out, after he was an adult, that his adoption was closed, and he would never find out who his biological parents were. He was adopted at birth. His parents, (the couple that adopted him) later went on to have 4 more biological children of their own.
    Not finding his biological mother was something he never got over, and our children will never know that side of his family history or health background.

  • Twittyfan Jan 28, 2011

    Go with your heart.. I think you are doing the research and that is a good thing.. One of my friends adopted a child from China and she had to go through a lot but she said she would not have traded it for anything. I was able to have my own but if not I would not think twice about adopting a child no matter the sex, race etc.. A child is a blessing and your house becomes a home when a sweet little angel comes through those doors..God Bless You and your family...Best Wishes...

  • JAT Jan 28, 2011

    Sump - I didn't say anything about kids in foster care or up for adoption were dragged away from their druggie parents. Sorry if you misunderstood. However, if you look on the website for NC adoptions, almost every one reads the same - you have to agree to keep them in touch with their family. Well, why didn't the family take their own flesh and blood in? Money? You can ALWAYS afford to take your own blood in if you want to. There is no excuse. If the family doesn't want to take them in, that's fine, but at that point, they should forfeit the right to demand a relationship. Once parents adopt a child, that child is THEIR'S and they shouldn't HAVE to maintain a relationship with anyone they don't want to. So many of the instate adoptions show you the issues with the child and I just don't see how forcing a relationship would be in the child's best interest.

  • babbleon Jan 28, 2011

    Good luck, Christine - I got naturally pregnant right after my second ivf failed, at about the same time as friends of mine decided to adopt due to endometriosis. We are both very happy with our babies - just as happy as the other two friends who had babies at the same time, within 3 months of stopping birth control.

    The outcome is the important thing - a healthy baby and a happy family.

  • sumpinlikedat Jan 28, 2011

    I'm an adopted person myself, and I think this is a great idea. I have to echo some of the people above - DO NOT let anybody decide for you, do the research yourself and decide what is best for you. I was adopted at 18 days old through Catholic Social Services in Florida. It was a closed adoption, as were most in those days. I do, however, have medical and social history information on both of my birth parents and some of the extended birth family.

    JAT, sometimes it's not about people causing the child to be in foster care - sometimes, like my birth parents' situation, it's college kids who know they aren't ready to raise a child and would rather know that the child would be with a family who is ready and who will love the child as their own. So many people seem to forget that not all adoptable children have been left on a doorstep with a note or dragged away from their drug-addicted parents.

    Christine, get as much information on medical history etc. as you can. Trust me.

  • JAT Jan 28, 2011

    liddie - have you met the mom? will she be involved after the birth? just curious.

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