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Mom of Teens: A crying mom

Posted December 7, 2010

Let me state the obvious: Mothering teenagers is a tough job sometimes. I don't know about you, but sometimes I want to go to my room, close the door and cry. Wait. I don't just want to do that. I actually do it! I know some people might think it means you've lost control. I think it means you are a normal mom of teenagers.

Many of us have bought into the notion that we have to have it all together all the time. What an impossible expectation to place upon yourself. Just think over the last few months with your teenager. Were you prepared for every situation they brought to you for advice? Or for the ones you just happened to find out about? Do you have an answer for everything going on with them? I know I don't. Sometimes I'm conflicted about how to reward or restrict. And what about situations where both a reward and a punishment are warranted? You know, the ones where they got themselves into a situation because they made a bad decision, but then did something truly amazing to rectify the situation? I don't always have ready answers for those moments? Do you? If so, email me. I need your advice!

I have experienced some wonderful highs, horrible lows and everything in between with my teens. And we're just at the beginning of this teenage journey! One day I cry tears of joy, the next tears of frustration. And I don't apologize for that. Parenting is tough. That's not to say it's not wonderful. It is. It's wonderful, tough, satisfying and challenging all rolled up into one.

My girls have heard me crying a few times. They'll knock on my door, ask me if I'm OK and apologize if they think they are the reason behind the tears. Then we have a conversation about the whole situation, tears and all. So if something good comes out of me dealing with an overwhelming moment, I'm all for it.

The point is, sometimes a mom just needs to cry, to release. We should never feel guilty about doing that. Unlike the movie that states that there is no crying in baseball, there is definitely room for a few good cries in motherhood. So mom, here is your official permission to have yourself a good cry when you need it.

Tissue anyone?

Marietta Taylor is the mom of two girls ages 15 and 14 and has been married for 17 years. The family moved from Chicago to Raleigh in 2003. The first few years were a wild ride and were the inspiration for her first book, "Surviving Unemployment Devotions To Go!" Read more about Mari on her blog and website. And find her here monthly on Wednesday on Go Ask Mom.

9 Comments

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  • debnamdavis Dec 9, 2010

    Oh my gosh...this is so helpful because sometimes I feel like Im the only one feeling like this. It is hard and my heart is being stepped on so much. I tell my daughter I didnt raise her to act or be this way and Im like where did I go wrong or will it get better or worse. Im worried because she is a straight A student and Im in the middle of knowing how to disipline so that she will obey yet keep her A's in school. Its hard going through it alone. Im wondering who should get help me or her.

  • mystica131 Dec 9, 2010

    Thank you so much for these words. After the past few weeks we've had in our house, they are definitely a help and a comfort.

  • IteachforJesus Dec 8, 2010

    "You know, the ones where they got themselves into a situation because they made a bad decision, but then did something truly amazing to rectify the situation?"

    Isn't this point of everything we do as parents, to get to this situation? Where your child knows to rectify the bad decision without your intervention, I think there is no need for punishment.

  • leew Dec 8, 2010

    Oh how timely. I was driven to tears yesterday (not normally a crier) but somehow I think it did help my daughter see how her actions affected others when she saw me so stressed out. Glad to see I am not the only one!

  • njacobs317 Dec 8, 2010

    Kudos to you Mom, I remember words from my grandmother, when they are little they step on your toes and as they grow older they step on your heart. Those words are so very true, however as parents we need to realize as teenagers they have the toughest job they will ever have in their life,"Growing Up".
    They have opinions which may not always be correct, but it is their opinion. We may not agree with the opinion but stop for a moment to think what would have been your opinion when you were their age. My famous words to my daughter, I do pray when you grow up and get married that you have "TWO" just like you, she did and she has, I Love it.....

  • Killian Dec 8, 2010

    Kids who see their parents handle emotional stress are better equipped to handle their own stresses in a proactive, responsible manner. They need to see their parents disagree and then work it out, deal with sadness, and whatever other stress hits. Good for you.

  • bjgupton Dec 8, 2010

    Teenagers need to see that their behavior affects their parents - also need to see that Mom and/or Dad have feelings - It's part of bringing up awesome people!!! And it usually does lead to good conversations and sincerity. Thanks for sharing something we all go through.

  • hihuwatlu Dec 8, 2010

    Every age has its ups and downs but sometimes those teenage years can you leave you wishing you were back changing diapers or dealing with the terrible two's. I try not to worry so much about what could go wrong that I miss all the stuff that's going right.

  • boatrokr Dec 7, 2010

    Use the 5-Year Rule.

    Five years from now...will it REALLY matter that they did x thing? That X thing happened?

    Apply it to yourself too. If, five years from now, you'll laugh about this....or even forget about it....then there is no reason to freak out over it now. Take a deep breath and put your feet up.

    Life is short. Dance while you can .