Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Baby Steps: Technicalities

Posted November 19, 2010

I consider myself lucky every day that I work for a company that offers many benefits above and beyond our paycheck. I can assuredly say that the health insurance we have is a big reason why my husband and I have been able to proceed with the doctor appointments, consultations and surgery in our efforts to become parents.

We are well versed in the value of having health insurance. When we met, we were both uninsured. We were both bartending and just couldn’t seem to find a few extra hundred dollars each month for something that doesn’t offer any immediate and tangible benefit. What can I say – we were young and naïve!

Unfortunately, that proved to be an obstacle when he got so sick I literally had to drag him into the ER. I’ve told you before how much he hates doctors – so you can imagine how weak he must’ve been for me to pull that off! He’d had a stomach bug so bad he didn’t keep anything down for almost four days…so it wasn’t too terribly tough.

A few hours after walking through the ER door, we left with very little to show for the visit. We were out $350 just for showing up. The docs hooked him up to an IV of liquid morphine and handed us a note that said he needed to stick to the “BRAT” diet. I think it was bananas, rice, apple sauce and toast. The bill came a few months later…let’s just say it was in the four digit range.

So now – as a New Year approaches – we are picking and choosing our health coverage with a healthy respect for how valuable it can be. And I’m just starting to learn what fertility treatments do and do not qualify. I know there are people out there who’ve been through this before – any rules of thumb we should know?

Christine is an associate producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.

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  • boatrokr Nov 19, 2010

    No, JAT, I said a family feud resulted in false complaints to CPS. I was separated from my siblings and ended up with people who were child-abusing trash who shouldn't have been allowed to breathe the same air as a child, much less adopt one. I thank God every day that they're dead, and never want to see another nosy social worker or preachy family court judge ever again.

    And yeah - I HAVE had people berate me for not wanting to adopt. I've been called selfish, cold-hearted, you name it for not wanting somebody else's children. I also get "well, if you're that unhappy a child won't fulfill you" (insinuating that I'd then abuse the child)....believe me, I've taken your advice and ended friendships over this. You learn quickly who your friends are in this journey.

  • JAT Nov 19, 2010

    boatrokr - so you would have rathered lived in squalor in some orphanage or be passed from foster home to foster home than to have been adopted? though, I thought you said a family member took you in. whatever... If that's truly the case, I'd think my attitude would be to adopt just to show that it can be a very rewarding experience for everyone involved.

  • JAT Nov 19, 2010

    Also, as a piece of advice, I heard a good way to increase your chances of getting pregnant is for the female to go away on a trip or something for a short time. This apparently triggers something in the male psyche that tells them that other men could have possibly impregnanted their woman and their sperm then become extra hyper active trying to reach that egg before the other sperm do. Hey, it's worth a try: you get a nice vacation and then fun when you get back home.

  • JAT Nov 19, 2010

    boatrokr - yeah, we know, you won't adopt because you don't want social services in your life - whatever in the world that means. No one is calling anyone bad if they don't want to adopt; but if the goal is to have a child and love that child and you can't have a child, it's so much better to adopt than to endure an attitude like you have. You may be a nice person, but you have so much anger that it's not healthy to anyone. NO ONE has berated you for not adopting. And if you're truly around people like that, as I've said before, change your friends.

  • JAT Nov 19, 2010

    korn - since when is trying to encourage people to be optimistic and enjoy life and not fret about things they can't control considered to be "debbie downer" material? Who really wants to have that frustration each and every month when you have a GREAT life and you should enjoy that?

  • boatrokr Nov 19, 2010

    There are programs out there that finance fertility treatments. The interest is outrageous, but it can be done if you have good credit. One program pays for six IVF treatments.

    To others here: PLEASE stop shoving adoption at infertile couples. We've already heard of adoption and know what it is, plus it's a very personal decision and it's not for everybody. Couples are NOT "bad people" if they don't want to adopt. (I'm adopted, and that's WHY I am not interested). Oh - and I HAVE to ask: why are only infertile couples expected to adopt? It's infuriating to see people who have their own children berate us for not doing it!

  • Whosays Nov 19, 2010

    I think Mugu and JAT are related.

  • Whosays Nov 19, 2010

    JAT I mean...lol

  • Whosays Nov 19, 2010

    ZAT has always and will continue to be the downer on this blog, best thing to do is ignore.

  • lwt Nov 19, 2010

    My3Boys – I am with you!

    Personally Christine, I find your blog very helpful and inspiring. My husband and I have been TTC for about 4 months with no luck. I know at this point it is no alarm to go running to my doc, asking “what is wrong with me”. But I do completely understand where you are coming from. When you want something so badly it does have a way of weaving its way through everything you do, even getting you organized! (I have found that side effect quite nice!) I am sure writing about what you are going through is just as healing and helpful for you, as it is for me to read. Keep it up, do not let the “Debbie Downers” stop you from what you are doing. Keep on writing about it. It is kind of the whole point of this blog in the first place! And Good Luck!

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