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Go Ask Mom

Baby Steps: Living life by the calendar

Posted October 21, 2010
Updated October 25, 2010

Our calendar is pinned to the pantry door in the kitchen. I keep it there so it’s in plain sight. In fact, it’s directly next to the fridge. And yet - my husband still claims he cannot be held responsible for the things that are on there.

And who could blame him? These days the calendar looks more like a toddler’s doodle art work than a month’s worth of forethought. A circle here, a sticker there, shapes drawn with highlighter in a color code only one person in the world could possibly understand. It looks like chaos but, in reality, this is the most organized I’ve ever been!

So far, I’m digging it. This baby making thing – though it hasn’t been working so well on the whole – is getting my entire life in order. I am staying on top of family birthday cards; I’m keeping the dogs up to date on their meds; and I actually know when my monthly gift from Mother Nature is supposed to arrive!

I could get used to this…

Christine is an associate producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.


 

20 Comments

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  • Mugu Nov 2, 2010

    Macharsam, why do you advocate censoring? People like Christine Bowley is whats wrong with our country nowadays... she is driving her poor husband nuts with this baby stuff, I don't think he will be around much longer as that seems to be the only reason she has him around.

    She needs to get with life and live for herself instead of swaying to social pressures... seriously, why does she HAVE to have a baby? There is no good reason and driving yourself into debt is only going to make things worse.

    There are others out there who need money, medical treatment and parents... all of which she is hogging resources from. Shame on her.

  • snowl Oct 30, 2010

    Future blog posts should be closed for comments. Good luck to you and your husband. You just have to believe in your heart that some day you will be a Mom. Time is on your side and learning patience will help you grow as a person and for when you'll need it later on while raising your children! Oh the power of positive thinking....:-)

  • JAT Oct 29, 2010

    I love it - boatrokr doesn't want me to be able to post and yet she addresses me. What has being adopted by abusive people got to do with infertility? If being able to give a child a great life isn't worth "letting nosy social workers and sanctimonious family court judges" back into her life, then there's a problem. It's worth it. It's worth it for you and for the child. Plus, there are ways to adopt that you don't have to go through all that.

    Deal with the anger first and foremost. Then and only then should you even think about trying to conceive.

  • boatrokr Oct 26, 2010

    Best way to deal/help friends or family with infertility: do not lecture or give medical advice (leave that to their docs). Let them know that you're there for them if they want to talk or vent. Then leave it alone. Don't raise the subject unless they do.

  • boatrokr Oct 26, 2010

    JAT, I was adopted by abusive people. To survive that and then endure infertility DOES make me angry. Adoption can be great but that means letting nosy social workers and sanctimonious family court judges back in my life again. Angry? You betcha. Would I be a perfect parent? I doubt it, but I sure know what NOT to do, and I don't get the chance. Try going through 6 miscarriages...joy and then loss. Try pasting on a smile and going to a baby shower while you're still bleeding, and then get that "you're next" It's well-intentioned, but a knife in the heart, and you can't say anything lest you ruin the party. So many little hurts. You cope as best you can, and come to a place like this just so you can vent with people who do understand..instead you get dealt a lecture. Do you never just need to unload??? Do you not think we don't get what you say from everybody else we're around??? You feel bad because you don't conceive, people lecture you for feeling bad.

  • JAT Oct 25, 2010

    cont't.....
    But your attitude is exactly what I'm talking about. I would not want to endure month after month of living like you have (and may still be). THAT is a waste of a good life. Wanting a child, IVF, whatever - that is NOT a waste, but living so much in "what if" - that is.

  • JAT Oct 25, 2010

    dang - it kick my post out. To try again:

    As to the psych eval you say you had, great; but anyone can pass a psych eval if they want to. Sadly, alot of physicians are "foolable". I've seen alot of people fool a psych into believing whatever they want them to believe. Based solely on what you post here, you still have alot of hatred, alot of anger, alot of selfish; though, honestly, if my "friends" said the things to you that you said they did, it's totally understandable. I just don't see the need or use of focusing on so much hate and negativity; it can't do any good. Why wouldn't you assume that someone who said, "you're next" at a baby shower truly wants you to become a mom instead of taking it so selfishly? Don't always assume the negative. You can view yourself as a victim or as someone who can change things. cont.

  • Whosays Oct 22, 2010

    Christine please keep us up to date and you and your husband will be in my prayers.

  • snowl Oct 22, 2010

    It's not just this blog on WRAL, it's every story that is open for discussion that is giving me cause to stop posting. I'm starting to get self conscious about anything that I have an opinion on and post on this website. Why can't we all just state our opinions and read others without all the backlash criticism from opposing camps?

  • grannybam07 Oct 22, 2010

    Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. - purpose and topic of this blog

    Struggle: 1. to contend with an adversary or opposing force.
    2. to contend resolutely with a task, problem, etc.;

    WRAL has found a member of their team who is willing to open themselves up to be vulnerable to strangers, to share their experience in the hopes that it might help others. I guess, I am of the mind to say thank you. But then, I try very hard to not judge others especially when I do not know them nor all of the other details in their life. Obviously, not everyone feels that way and that is sad. To be so obsessed with someone else's supposed obsession speaks volumes.

    I'll keep reading Christine's posts and hope that along the journey she'll share with us the ups and downs, good & bad, joy & frustration, etc.

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