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Baby Steps: Triggered

Posted October 14, 2010

I am a sucker for a funny movie. In fact, more than half of the DVDs my husband and I own fall in that genre. Some of our favorites: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Super Troopers, Office Space. We have no trouble watching the same ones over and over again. It’s like a short break from reality; a chance to embrace all things immature!

This week, I had a very different experience watching a comedy on television. It was one my husband and I have watched before and both enjoyed. I never realized how much my own life experiences affected the way I watched a movie until now. I just realized, the film totally changed because my life had taken a 180 since the last time I saw it.

The movie in question: Baby Mama. It stars Tina Fey as a career woman who spent her 20’s and early 30’s climbing the ladder at work rather than searching for a husband and settling down. She decides she wants a baby – with or without a life partner – and tries several tactics to get pregnant without success. The movie profiles her experience with the woman (Amy Poehler) that she eventually hires as a surrogate mother, when she finds out she is unable to carry a baby herself.

You can probably predict what’s coming…

My emotional juices started flowing right from the start! Tina Fey’s character barely reacts to the news that the doctor "doesn’t like [her] uterus" – but I sure did. She never even gets a real answer about why she is infertile. And suddenly, the comedy turned into a horror movie…at least for me.

I cried through the first 40 minutes or so before I decided to just change the channel. It was the first time I’ve really been triggered emotionally by something in my environment – and it probably won’t be the last. I don’t feel any lasting effects of this minor incident, but I might skip out on the movies about trying to get pregnant for the foreseeable future!

Christine is an associate producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility. Find her here on Fridays.

22 Comments

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  • LMB Oct 20, 2010

    JAT- I truly believe that everyone should be able to deal with infertiity in their own way, but I think you're taking it too far. Christine's post was about being surprised that a favorite movie now upset her--you seem to believe she chose the movie on purpose to wallow. She mentioned that she & her husband had agreed to start a family soon after getting married--you seem to believe that she dragged some poor guy to the altar just to make a baby. You're seeing what you want to see in these posts, and using it to justify being rude at best. At worst, I'd say that you're obsessing over her just the way you think she's obsessing over getting pregnant. I won't be responding to your posts again, as I think it would just be a way of encouraging your bad behavior, but I hope you'll take a minute to try rereading both her posts & your own with a more open mind.

  • mleighcannon Oct 19, 2010

    no, JAT, she doesn't need therapy... you just need a different blog... and fast.

  • JAT Oct 19, 2010

    lilybaby - you don't know what I've gone through. Just because I don't agree with allowing women like this to wallow in self-pity, even to the point of getting a blog to find other women who will let her, doesn't mean that I haven't endured the exact same thing. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that what she's doing is unhealthy and dangerous. If a person were saying these same things about a drug, you'd all be saying to get to a therapist ASAP. This inability of hers to have a baby has become a drug to her. She doesn't know how to deal with life without relating it in some way to having or not having a baby. From getting married, to naming a dog, to her movied choices - they're ALL connected in some way to a baby. She needs therapy and she needs it fast.

  • LucyLooo Oct 19, 2010

    JAT

    You should not be on this site as you have no compassion or idea what means to have to go through infertility. Your comments are hurtful, maybe that is not your intention but thats what it is doing. I hope you or no one you know has to deal with this, ever. Again hopefully your ntentions are not to hurt but they are, so lease keep that in mind.

  • JAT Oct 19, 2010

    No, LMB, the best thing would be for me to continue commenting and giving everyone another, what I feel is a more sensible, view on life.

    Has it ever occurred to her that maybe she just wasn't meant to have a child? Maybe that was God's will? Some people are put on this earth for other reason's, and maybe her reaction to not being able to conceive on HER schedule is proof that there's another plan for her? It's just not healthy to let anything so totally consume your life, like this has obviously consumed this woman's life. Even if she were to get pregnant today, the child could NEVER live up to the expectations she's placed on the child, though I wonder if she wants to be a "mother" more than she wants an actual child. I truly hope she reads these posts and realizes how whe seems to the world.

  • LMB Oct 18, 2010

    JAT- Infetility's a tough journey, filled with hard decisions, quite a few painful medical procedures, financial strain, & lots of uncertainty. No matter how happy someone is with themself, it's still going to be hard. I don't think it makes a person unhealthy to acknowledge that sadness & try to work through it. Obviously you disagree--perhaps the best solution for you would be to stop reading the posts!

  • JAT Oct 18, 2010

    I have never seen a group of women so willing to wallow in their own self-pity - Oh woe is me......

    As I've said before, until someone is happy with themselves, with the life God has given them or that they have chosen for themselves, they cannot be good parents to a child; and the pressure that this woman is putting on her ability or inability to conceive is unhealthy for her, her husband, and any child she'll bring into this world. She needs help, and wallowing in self-pity and having WRAL permit her to wallow in it in public on their site is not helping her or anyone else.

  • jessicaehamilton Oct 17, 2010

    JAG - You couldn't be more wrong about the situation.

    1. This blog is supposed to be about the experience of going through infertility, so of course, that would be the topic.
    2. If you have never been through infertility you don't understand.
    3. If you don't like what she is writing, then don't read it. And definitely don't make rude and inconsiderate comments about this challenge she is facing.
    4. It is in our nature to feel the "need" to procreate and is heartbraking when you can not. Millions of people go through this and if you can't be supportive, than don't comment. I am sure, since this woman is a successful career woman, that she is focused on more than having a baby.

    And finally, I just watched the movie last night, and I would have cried too if I was still going through infertility. Fortunately, I was able to get help and now have beautiful children. And yes, I have more in my life than my kids and we do a great job raising them.

  • nandrmac Oct 15, 2010

    When we were trying to have a baby, I was often blindsided by unexpected reminders - in movies, songs, etc. It seemed like I constantly was surrounded by pregnant women. Most of my friends had children, some more than one. It was a tough, tough time. We never did have children and we survived and are happy with our lives. You are at a normal time in your life where you are thinking of (not obsessing about) starting a family. Be kind to yourself. Talk to your husband about what is going on. Make decisions together. And - if you have discovered that something is going to upset you and is avoidable, like a movie, well just give it a pass. There are lots of other things to occupy your time and energy. I am thinking and praying for you and your husband.

  • grannybam07 Oct 15, 2010

    10 years ago I finally received a child, even though he was 16 he is a gift I will always treasure. I've gone through the heartache of not being able to have a baby but am thankful for my son. It doesn't mean that when I hear news stories of someone abusing or throwing away a child that I am able to be stoic & not react. Honestly, I cry, wondering why these people can have children & I couldn't. Your reaction to the movie is so incredibly normal & understandable by those who've shared your journey. It is easy to judge others if you now have a child or didn't want any. You are not alone, not crazy, and definitely not unstable!

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