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Fayette-Mom: Lies to the kids

Posted October 11, 2010

Jennifer Joyner

“Mommy, is the tooth fairy real?”

Emma’s question from the back seat of the van startled me. One, because we were in a hurry, on the way to school before the late bell rang. Two, because I’d never really considered the possibility of having to answer this question.

Sure, I keep bracing myself for the inevitable day one of my children questions the reality of Santa Claus. I can still remember being crushed when I found out the truth in first grade. Because the revelation came so early in my childhood, I always thought I would do everything I could to keep my children believing for as long as possible.

But in that moment in the car, I froze. Could I flat out lie to my daughter?

Up until that point, I’d always used deflection as a way of dealing with questions I didn’t want to answer. Eli just asked me the other day if we could take five of his best friends to the beach with us next summer. He happily laid out his plan: where his friends would sit in the van, where they would sleep at the beach. Talking about it made him so happy, I couldn’t just dash his dreams; doing so was sure to bring a mountain of tears. So I simply nodded as he told me of his plan and I said, “That sounds exciting. We’ll see.” He’s still young enough that I am sure he’ll forget all about this and move on the something else in a few weeks. No harm done.

But deflection is not going to work on Emma. If I said something like “I don’t know if the tooth fairy is real, honey. What do you think?”, she would immediately see through it. I had to make a choice, and I had to do it in a split second, right as we pulled up to the school.

“Yes, honey. The tooth fairy is real.” I said with confidence.

Emma smiled at me, showing off the recent departure of her two front teeth.

It was a flat out lie. But if it keeps my daughter happy and innocent for a little longer, I am all for it.

Jennifer is a mom of two and WRAL-TV assignment editor in Fayetteville. Her food addiction memoir, "Designated Fat Girl," came out last month. Read more about Jennifer and her book on her website. Find her here on Go Ask Mom on Tuesdays.


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  • Not Now Oct 12, 2010

    Lokayatra: The real world will come soon enough. When kids are ready to move on, they will. In the mean time, I believe in magic!

  • lokayatra Oct 12, 2010

    Kids need to learn to be objective. They should not be led into a make believe world. They are not so weak - they can handle it. Everything cannot always be nice and dandy. Everybody needs to learn how to deal with disappointments and unpleasant situations. Good to start early .

  • LibertarianTechie Oct 12, 2010

    Killian, what a great way of putting it.

  • missparrothead Oct 12, 2010

    Best answer...."If you believe, then its real". This is what a good pal told me that she told her children when they inquired about Santa.

  • Killian Oct 12, 2010

    When my kids "found out" about Santa, there was no devastation. We told them that they were now old enough to have the privilege of becoming part of the magic for other kids. Making it like they just gained admittance into an "adults only" club of sorts made it a hugely enticing thing instead of a let-down.

    We explained that adults everywhere celebrate the magic of the season by keeping that magic and the fun alive for kids. Now that they were old enough, they got to be part of it. That ensured that they never EVER slipped and told another kid. It was so cute to see them share a knowing little smile and nod with us when someone smaller than them would mention Santa. =)

  • MomOfTwins Oct 12, 2010

    It's not flat out lie. The toothfairy is real. Okay, so she's really a loving, concerned mommy who is willing to compromise on a previously no-lie policy in order to keep the beauty of childhood alive for a little longer and not a little winged creature with a wand and frilly pink dress. But she's real.

    And yeah, Yes Virginia There Is a Santa Claus is one of my favorite stories. ;-)