Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Baby Steps: On the hot seat

Posted September 16, 2010

This week marked my semi-annual trip to the dental hygienist. Nothing to write home about – but my assessment turned out pretty well.

From day one I’ve always been friendly with the woman who cleans my teeth here in town. I only see her once every six months, but she and I have a lot in common so conversation comes pretty easily to us. And we both love to talk! Although, sometimes it’s tough for me to chime in when her various dental tools are at work inside my mouth…

During this visit, we got to chatting about kids. She has a little one of her own and I mentioned my husband and I were working on it ourselves (I did not get into detail at that point). Next, she started imparting some of her own knowledge on the topic. It totally makes sense – she’s been there. I was into it.

As I lay there being pronged and prodded, she went on. She told me there was no rush to have children. And, at times, she struggled to find time for herself. She said it took her a few years to feel like she had her own life back, sort of. In some ways, she felt like she’d really sacrificed a lot.

I was truly interested in what she had to say. After all, it’s completely possible that my husband and I could end up living a childless life. And it’s not often you hear about the downsides of being a parent – particularly for someone like me.

When I finally did get a chance to open up to her a little about our trouble getting pregnant, her mouth dropped. She felt awful for what she’d said and was very apologetic. In reality, there was nothing to apologize for. She hadn’t said anything wrong. And as I’ve said before, we are still weighing our options.

In either case – I am learning more about how sensitive everyday folks are to a topic like this. I certainly don’t want to be told what I should do…but hearing the ups and downs of my choices is what this is all about. Who better to tell me than the ones who’ve been there, done that? I want to hear it all!

Christine is an associate producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She lives with her husband and three dogs. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility.


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  • brentsara Sep 17, 2010

    As I have shared before on here we have 2 kids - 17 months apart after being told we wouldn't be able to conceive "without intervention". I love my kids VERY much but this parenting thing is by far the hardest thing I have done. There are compromises that have to happen and limited time for yourself and/or your spouse. Would I trade it or change any of our decisions - nope - b/c in the end the richness that they bring to our lives is immeasurable. I just have to remember this on the days when it is really hard!
    I know other women who haven't wanted kids for various reasons and they have their lives filled with other things that give them joy and fulfillment.

  • missparrothead Sep 17, 2010

    HI Christine-
    I have a 7 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son and they are true joys in my husbands and my life. I never wish I did not have them. We are in the daily balancing act of both juggling work, activities, homework, social life, chores etc. Sometimes it gets a bit tiring, but that's what our vacations are for- to truly recharge. When you have kids you do have to sacrifice some of your personal time. When I was pregnant w/my daughter, I once asked a pal what the difference was betw. having 1 child and two. Her answer was 'your husband is going to be busier and you will both have less free time". she was absolutely correct. Would I turn back? Absolutely not. Yes, there are things I crave to do for myself, but they will have to wait until my children are in college, but thats ok. Each stage is unique and time passes so quickly that I don't want to miss out too much time with them.

    Best wishes to you.

    PS- both of my children are chlomid babies.

  • Killian Sep 17, 2010

    Well, Christine, I may not be the right person to speak on this topic, so feel free to ignore this post. =)

    I had endometriosis, and was told that I would not get pregnant "without intervention." Yeah. Um, not so much. I was 20 years old in college when the birth control failed, and I had that moment of, "I'm sorry...I'm WHAT?" =)

    We decided that if we were going to do this, we would do it all in one shot. We had three kids in pretty rapid succession, and were done just before my 24th birthday. We have never been rich, but our kids never did without. We made sure they had whatever they needed and a good bit of what they wanted as well.

    I am now 39 years old, and I have friends who are just now having toddlers. My kids are in college and HS; I'm nearly done! I crave the time when I get my life back; I can't lie. My kids are my life, but it is so, so hard. I don't regret it, but kids are tough!

    I wish you the best of luck no matter what your choice winds up being.