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Baby Steps: Start the dialogue

By Christine Bowley

Posted: August 12, 2010

Since I began this undertaking just three weeks ago, I’ve experienced a really heartwarming outreach from readers out there and even a handful of people close to me. Some of those are people right under my nose that I never would’ve known the weight they carry (or have carried) if it weren’t for this small catalyst. A part of me feels comforted that I’m not alone; another part feels pain to know others are also suffering; and another part is hopeful to hear from folks who’ve stood at the same juncture where my husband and I stand now.

I want to say thank you. And please continue…

When I made the choice to put our story out there, the idea was to start the dialogue. I want to shed the bad stigma of infertility. Maybe – if we keep talking about it – it doesn’t have to continue as a problem that couples suffer through in silence.

I want this to be an open forum. Please make comments, ask questions, and offer advice. It’s not just for me or for you, but for anyone who takes a few minutes to click and read.

If you are having trouble trying to conceive: What questions are you struggling with? What are you confused about?

If you’ve been through it already: What did you learn? What do you believe is important to know that doctors may not tell you? How did it impact your relationship with your partner and others?

Feel free to respond to each other. And I’ll do the best I can to respond in my Friday blogs.

Thanks again for reading and for sharing.

Christine is an associate producer at WRAL-TV, which includes research for 5 On Your Side and producing the 10 p.m. weekend newscasts on Fox50. She, her husband and two dogs moved to the Triangle in 2006. Christine is chronicling her experience as she and her husband struggle with infertility.

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Don't give up! I went through almost the same thing..except it was secondary infertility. Got pregnant the 1st time, no problem. 5yrs and 2 miscarriages later, what gives? Had a year of docs picking on me, and had the HSG. I was fine. Finally, we went to a urologist for hubby, and guess what? Vericose vein..almost same #'s. He had the surgery and I was pregnant 3months later. Praying for you guys and hope your have a great outcome!!!

mommie
August 21, 2010 10:06 a.m.

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The most important thing to remember is that they call it PRACTICING medicine for a reason. Doctors don't know everything and there is always a chance they'll be wrong, that the tests are wrong, and that you WILL have that baby! Keep believing, and don't give up. And always remember that there are lots and lots of children out there who need good, loving homes. Even if they aren't still a baby.

AMHall82
August 16, 2010 9:37 a.m.

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Blessings to you, brentsara Thanks so much.

boatrokr
August 15, 2010 9:52 p.m.

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Boatrokr - I wish you the very best! I will pray for you as you take this journey.

Unfortunately I am not surprised by what you experienced with Toma - I just feel for those who don't think they have another option.

brentsara
August 15, 2010 8:03 p.m.

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Brentsara, THANKS. I'm still within the age limit of donor eggs, if I could just get the money.

Everything you describe is what I got with NCCRM, too. In and out the door, and Toma LAUGHED at us once.

boatrokr
August 15, 2010 3:57 p.m.

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I found the UNC team and Dr. Fritz to be kind, compassionate, willing to listen and willing to let us try conservative measures before jumping to IVF - but also willing to be realistic with our chances of success. I have also heard good things about Carolina Conceptions and Duke's infertility clinic. We went to NCCRM first where we had a poorly run IUI and after that failed they quickly jumped to IVF and their - pay for 3 get your money back if it doesn't work plan. When we were discussing it and we expressed our struggle with the cost to Dr. Toma - he said "most people drive around in $25K cars so you could just sell a car" - we never went back! I know others who have had bad experiences. It is hard b/c it is SUCH an emotional time and I feel like they (the infertility clinics) can prey on that sometimes if they have poor intentions. The counterpoint is of course that there have been many who used NCCRM who have children now and are grateful to them for that which I understand.

brentsara
August 15, 2010 9:15 a.m.

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Brentsara...what made the difference with UNC? I used NCCRM because of their reputation, but they treated me like an assembly line.

boatrokr
August 15, 2010 12:43 a.m.

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Also - a good book to add a bit of humor only those going through this would understand - A Few Good Eggs and I agree that Facing the Giants is powerful stuff.

brentsara
August 14, 2010 11:14 p.m.

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We struggled for 3 years (eternity for some but not very long for others) Those were the most painful/lonely years of my life - yes people make ignorant comments - trying to be helpful or show support only to be hurtful or uncaring or so on - just relax, you just need a drink, you just need a vacation. I was diagnosed with PCOS and my husband required a varicocele repair and then was found to have very low counts. We had numerous failed IUIs. We found a great team at UNC - Dr. Fritz was wonderful - their team and approach were a far cry from NCCRM. Anyway - we were told we wouldn't be able to have kids without IVF. We paid the money (our insurance didn't cover it) and found out a week later we were pregnant - what a blessing! (and yes we got our money back) We decided to not stop another blessing if by chance it would happen (thinking of course it wouldn't) and we are now the proud parents of a couple of miracles - a 2.5 yr girl Hannah and 1 yr boy Samuel - keep hope alive . . .

brentsara
August 14, 2010 11:12 p.m.

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After 5 years on your side of infertility I am blessed to be the mother to a nineteen month old. I will never forget the hurt & pain during those years. We were told our infertility was unexplained. Test after test was inconclusive or within normal limits. We went through several attempts of treatment unsuccessfully including IVF & accupuncture. My faith in God was tested & strengthened throughout our course. Everyone's story is different. What amazed me was how many stories of infertility there are in the Bible. The one that is closest to my heart is the story of Hannah (1Samuel). May I also recommend reading Hannah's Hope. I am not sure how your story will turn out, I wasn't sure how our story would turn out either. The harderst lesson I learned was that I was not in control. I learned a lot about trust. May I also recommend a movie, Facing the Giants. I watched it many times including just before delivery because it reminded me how hard the journey had been and how blessed we were.

pearcept
August 13, 2010 10:27 p.m.

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Baby Steps: Start the dialogue

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