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Amanda Lamb: In the wake

Posted July 29, 2012

My younger daughter and I were looking at the water the other night as the moonlight reflected off the surface. I asked her what she thought was beneath the surface of the water. She paused for a moment and then spoke.

"Probably a great white shark, a dead mouse, or a mermaid trying to get to shore," she replied with nine-year-old sincerity.

It is moments like these that help me cut through the intense grief I am feeling in the wake of my mother's death. I can hear my mother saying, "I love that kid," after I would tell her this story over the phone. She loved hearing every little detail about my children, especially the funny little things they said. Amanda Lamb

Having children requires us to persevere even in the darkest times in our lives. They make us laugh, bring us hope and remind us that life goes on despite whatever pain we may be experiencing at the moment.

There is still a big hole in my heart where my mother used to be. I have trouble imagining my future without her. It hits me at the most inopportune times - at the grocery store, the dry cleaner or at the dinner table.

But intellectually, I know that I have many more miles to travel before I see her again. And in the meantime, I have a little girl who is depending on me to help her imagine that mermaid coming ashore ...

Amanda Lamb is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.

12 Comments

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  • mwray03 Jul 31, 2012

    Beautiful, amanda! I've been praying for you!

  • froggygirl Jul 31, 2012

    Very touching. It has been a while, but I still miss my mom. I know that I will never see her again, but she lives on in the memories of her friends and family.

  • genegeneandnancy Jul 31, 2012

    Amanda..even though I don't know you, I think your heartfelt sentiments create a bond among people that have experienced the death of a close loved one..whether it has been a month, 5 months, 5 years, or however long. The pain gradually lessens, but then there are always the reminders that come along such as birthdays, holidays, Father's Day, Mother's Day, etc. The first Mother's Day without my mom (2007), hit me the hardest when walking past the card section and the realization of my mom no longer being here, really hit hard. The same thing happened the first Father's Day back in 2004, as my dad died the day before Father's Day. As they say, time heals all wounds, but of course, there will be times when it all resurfaces again, and emotions flow...just go with it when it happens. So sorry for the loss of your mom...life runs full circle, and your children will always be a part of her as well.
    Take care.

  • WorkinMom Jul 30, 2012

    I still have my Mother and I talk to her everyday about the crazy things my children say - we always start our conversations this way! Thank you for helping me to remember and to cherish this special bond that we have.

  • missparrothead Jul 30, 2012

    There is no doubt that children can add a new dimension to life. The grieving process is not easy, but time will heal, with baby steps along the way. Hugs to you, Amanda.

  • mbsheisey2 Jul 30, 2012

    Hello Amanda, grief WILL hit you at the most inopportune times. You may be fine when you're walking through the grocery store but then you'll see the craziest little thing that starts the memories going and by the time you get to the checkout, the tears will be flowing. Don't feel like you're crazy and don't put a deadline on your grief, because grief can feel like a roller coaster sometimes.

    I lost my husband very unexpectedly 4 years ago and it still happens to me. But your Mother lives on in you and your daughters. I hope this comforts you in some small way and I wish good things for you and your family's future.

  • pedsRN01 Jul 30, 2012

    When my mom died in 2006, I read "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. It really helped me and I still go back to read it on those very sad days. One of the things she said has really been true and brought me peace. It is something like this - "The pain never goes away, but it does get a **little** better each day." And so far, that has been true. Still there but much more manageable and less physical. Makes you wish our mom's could live with is forever!

  • Just In Time Jul 30, 2012

    Amanda, I find your reporting and your thoughts very intriguing. I too lost my mother in November 2010 and at times I find myself hearing her voice as I have conversations with my daughter. I had not seen you on the news in awhile and mention that to my wife. Then you did the report on the UPS man that found the lost man in Raleigh which was a very heart felt story. Thank you:)

  • paintcan Jul 30, 2012

    Thanks for that column.

  • lesmosher Jul 30, 2012

    You are in my thoughts and prayers Amanda Lamb. I do know how you feel. My mother passed in 93 and my Father in 01. Even after all those years it seems as though it was just yesterday.I believe They are always with us in our hearts, and yes one day, when it is our time, WE shall see them again. But We all have many miles to travel before then.8-) Blessings to You and yours My friend.

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