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Go Ask Mom

Amanda Lamb: Transformation

Posted July 15, 2012

There is nothing more sacred and profound as ushering a life out of this world into the next.

This week, after losing my mother from an intense and tragic 80 day battle with brain cancer, I am scheduled to return to my regular life. But, in truth, there is no return to the way life was before. People talk to me about moving on, about time healing all wounds, about getting back into a routine, to what was once my normal life.

In reality, I think it is impossible to experience the death of a parent, especially one that you were present for throughout his or her illness, without some kind of real life transformation. The question is, what does that transformation look like? Is it a radical change, or simply a series of small changes aimed at living a more authentic life, one where there are truly no guarantees of tomorrow.

I am just now coming to terms with the reality that grief is not a single moment it time when you miss the person you lost. It is many moments - it is holidays, birthdays, and vacations spent without that person. It is life in a new viewfinder. Especially when it comes to the loss of a parent, it is the loss in many cases of that unconditional love, your anchor to the world, the person who believed in you no matter what.

I believe in the power of tragedy to transform. My mother and I talked about how to make positive changes in my life in the weeks leading up to her death. She gave me her suggestions for what she wanted for me, for my future. Now, it is up to me to take the reins and allow that transformation to take place.

As a friend said to me the other day, "You can't get to second base without taking your foot off of first."

I'm not quite ready to take my foot off first base yet. I'm not even sure exactly what this means as it relates to my life. But when I do, I'll be sure to let you know ...

Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.


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  • binkieb Jul 16, 2012

    Amanda, my heart breaks for you and your family. Yes,we all know we will meet again some day in a better place and she is not in pain. I lost my husband (of 28 years) and my mother within 2 1/2 years of each other. I for one have not learned how to "take my foot off of first base." I'll be praying for you.

  • Obamanation Jul 16, 2012

    I love you Mandy. Stay strong.

  • srhodes4 Jul 16, 2012

    I know it's not the same as a Mom but, I lost my brother when I was fifteen and he was nineteen(1967)....lost him to the "Viet Nam" War and I miss him to this day...I often wonder where I would be if he were still here, would we have our own business together, etc. I don't know how you feel in your situation but, I know how I feel. I'm very sorry for your loss...and if it makes you feel any better, you are my favorite on WRAL

  • goforth4pack Jul 16, 2012

    So sorry for your loss. My hearts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • missparrothead Jul 16, 2012

    Hugs to you, Amanda. Its not easy, but you will get "there".

  • BEACH Jul 16, 2012

    bk SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS,I lost my Mom with Alz. also it is hurt that you try to prepart yourself for ,I really do not think there is any disease worst that this one. It hurt so bad to see them lose their memory, but something Hospice told me, they do not realise that their memory is not what it use to be, very hard on the family, though, so lots of prayers with you.

  • BEACH Jul 16, 2012

    My Prayers are with you, it hurts so bad when u lose your Mom.I try to remember my Happy times with my Mom.

  • pirategirl12 Jul 16, 2012

    Let the wonderful memories of your mom get you through and bring smiles upon your face...that's how I make it day by day.

  • barbiedoll1967 Jul 16, 2012

    I am so sorry for your loss Amanda. I lost my Daddy when I was 12 years old, my brother when I was 17 and my Mama when I was 23 years old. Today would have been my daddy's 86th birthday and I still miss him. I wonder what my life would be like if my family was still with me. I miss them every single day and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about them. Everyone grieves in their own way. Keep your chin up.