Amanda Lamb: Because she lived

By Amanda Lamb

Posted: July 10, 2012

My mother, Madeline Hartsell Lamb, died early Sunday morning after a brief, but intense struggle with brain cancer.

While I am relieved that she is finally out of pain and at peace, there are no words to describe what it feels like to live in a world without her. In large part, this is part of the process of grief, a process that begins before a loved one passes and extends indefinitely into the future after he or she dies. But there is also another component to dealing with death - no one teaches us how to handle it.

Our culture is rich with traditions and celebrations revolving around ushering life into the world, but when it comes to death our culture is woefully unprepared to handle it. We speak of it in hushed tones, are at a loss for words and then simply expect adults to “buck up” and move on.

Yet, in my mind, being part of ushering someone out of the world is the single most profound and sacred experience I have ever gone through in my life. Being there, literally being there, is something that is inexplicable even to a person who spins words for a living.

There is one group that does understand the process of death, Hospice. Although my experience with Hospice of Wake County was brief, I found them to be extraordinarily compassionate and knowledgeable at a time when I needed them the most. Hopefully, I will be able to use my experience in the future when I am stronger to help others in my life who will undoubtedly go through a similar ordeal at some point.

For now, I must learn to live in a world without Madeline.

The world was brighter because she lived. I was brighter because she lived. Someday, I hope that I will learn how to shine again in her honor.

Amanda Lamb is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. She regularly writes for Go Ask Mom on Mondays. Since May, she's been writing about her journey with her mom. Read more about her mother on her CaringBridge site.

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So sorry to hear about your mom! Lifting you up in prayer during this difficult time!

carleerules123
July 10, 2012 4:07 p.m.

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I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

oldladykate
July 10, 2012 4:18 p.m.

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I remember how strong I was the days right after my mom had transitioned into her eternal life but found I was hit the hardest months later when I realized on the first holiday I no longer had a mom or a dad. Then the reality set in and the plethora of tears. You are definitely in my prayers but there is nothing that describes being able to see the peace on their face as they step into eternity. One of the most profound and sacred moments ever. Blessings on you now and in the months to follow that God will continue to cover you in peace and his tender mercy.

hilliardpat1954
July 10, 2012 4:26 p.m.

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Amanda, I have be following your blog since before your mother became ill. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You are right, we as a society do not know how to handle death and therefore it is sometimes hard to support one another. Allow yourself to feel happy when you are happy and sad when you are sad. This process can be on no one else's time line but your own. Let your girls be apart of your grief and healing. Allow them to see that strength can be found in our weakest moments. Make sure to be kind to yourself and don't expect too much. Know that there are many people who don't know you personally, like me, are praying for you and your family and find your stories inspirational. Also, take advantage of God's presence and curl up in His arms for comfort and strength. May we all live life as Madeline did and still does through you!

krisyork
July 10, 2012 4:32 p.m.

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Your love her shines through your thoughts, your words and your heart. You are shining for you mom right now; you might not see it- but we do. Wrapping you in a warm blanket of loving memories.

Mom to Maple
July 10, 2012 4:34 p.m.

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Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time. Hold on to the good times and the memories of your mom as those will help you through...they did when I lost my father, and they still do. You will always miss your mother and wish she was there. She will be there, in your heart, mind and in spirit. God Bless you!

brezinmjkm
July 10, 2012 4:50 p.m.

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My prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. As I have said before I have traveled this road with my mother and an aunt who was like a sister as she was only 14 months older than I. Your writing says everything that I have felt over the past few years. We are expected to "buck up." I guess that is what adults are expected to do. There has not been a day since my mother and aunt passed that I do not think of them. They are always with me, in my heart and I know that I will see them again. Thank you for your words. God Bless you and your family. We are all thinking of you.

lec02572
July 10, 2012 5:05 p.m.

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Life changes course after the death of a loved one. There is a hole inside our heart that never heals. The pain lessens over time but the hole is still there. That hole is a tender spot left behind by our loved ones. We manage to move forward and grasp life, day by day. We find that the simple things in life become priceless and the hunger we have for life gets more intense. We try to let our lives become a tribute to those who invested their time, love, and heart into ours. We try to live for those who cannot. Praying for you Amanda and your family.

jkwit
July 10, 2012 7:17 p.m.

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You are right Amanda. You don't really know how to prepare for this new chapter in your life. When my father died 4 years ago, I felt as you do...relieved, but sad for myself. I often had dreams where people told me it was a mistake and he was alive. That was hard because you woke up happy, just to realize it wasn't real. Then I started having dreams where I talked with him. They were comforting because it was just like old times...only I knew they were dreams. We still have our dream conversations occasionally, and I really believe we are talking to each other. It may seem silly to some, but I get peace from it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

jjrn
July 10, 2012 8:07 p.m.

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Please accept my deepest condolences. My prayers to you and your family. I am so glad that she had a daughter like you. I am sure your daughters will miss there grandma very much. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

dianebearden
July 10, 2012 8:51 p.m.

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Amanda Lamb: Because she lived

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