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My mother, Madeline Hartsell Lamb, died early Sunday morning after a brief, but intense struggle with brain cancer.
While I am relieved that she is finally out of pain and at peace, there are no words to describe what it feels like to live in a world without her. In large part, this is part of the process of grief, a process that begins before a loved one passes and extends indefinitely into the future after he or she dies. But there is also another component to dealing with death - no one teaches us how to handle it.
Our culture is rich with traditions and celebrations revolving around ushering life into the world, but when it comes to death our culture is woefully unprepared to handle it. We speak of it in hushed tones, are at a loss for words and then simply expect adults to “buck up” and move on.
Yet, in my mind, being part of ushering someone out of the world is the single most profound and sacred experience I have ever gone through in my life. Being there, literally being there, is something that is inexplicable even to a person who spins words for a living.
There is one group that does understand the process of death, Hospice. Although my experience with Hospice of Wake County was brief, I found them to be extraordinarily compassionate and knowledgeable at a time when I needed them the most. Hopefully, I will be able to use my experience in the future when I am stronger to help others in my life who will undoubtedly go through a similar ordeal at some point.
For now, I must learn to live in a world without Madeline.
The world was brighter because she lived. I was brighter because she lived. Someday, I hope that I will learn how to shine again in her honor.
Amanda Lamb is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. She regularly writes for Go Ask Mom on Mondays. Since May, she's been writing about her journey with her mom. Read more about her mother on her CaringBridge site.
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My brother passed away 16 months ago from melanoma which had metastisized to the brain, and it was a very quick illness. Nothing prepares one for such an event...whether it be the one who is sick or loved ones. I discovered after his passing how he had impacted so many others, and I felt it as a calling to continue his advocacy for melanoma awareness..while at the same time, living life to its fullest and cherishing each moment on its own merit. He told me that each day might not be your favorite day, but you need to make it your best day. It sounds like your mother lived that same way.
My thoughts and
July 12, 2012 1:57 p.m.
July 11, 2012 8:39 p.m.
July 11, 2012 8:01 p.m.
I am sorry for your loss.
You are correct. We are ill-equipped for grief. I had prayed for healing for the child listed on the link I attached. I have prayed for her mother since her death. I will pray for you also. Her mother had written this week about her passing and the grieving process over the last two years.
Here is her mother's profound statement. "Grief is a process. It is not an illness, not something we will get over. It is more like a disability, something we will have to learn to live with. We have lost a part of our hearts. Our heart will still beat without this part, but it hurts sometimes and it takes more effort to keep going. We still smile, laugh, and enjoy life, but there is always a feeling of something missing, something off, no matter what we do. We will never be able to live as we were before. I don't want to. I don't want to live as if she were never here."
July 11, 2012 5:21 p.m.
July 11, 2012 3:37 p.m.
July 11, 2012 2:32 p.m.
July 11, 2012 2:27 p.m.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace.
Amen.
July 11, 2012 1:28 p.m.
July 11, 2012 1:04 p.m.
July 11, 2012 12:12 p.m.