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Go Ask Mom

Lynda Loveland: The 'H' word

Posted May 16, 2012

Lynda Loveland

My, oh my, how quickly the love from Mother’s Day dissipates.

My kids are all very affectionate and loving. But when punishment for misbehavior is forthcoming, they lose that lovin’ feelin’.

My son got in trouble the other day. I sent him to his room for the rest of the night. That meant no riding his bike, no playing soccer with his friends and certainly no TV. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy. Too bad, so sad. Then he dropped the “h” bomb on me. “I hate you!”

It was a parenting first that I never planned on. I was shocked! It felt like a dull, ragged-edged knife coated with acid had been plunged into my heart!

How could he say that to me? All the things I’d done for him. All the soccer games/practices I’d taken him to. Disney, for crying out loud! Not to mention all the crying from that horrible colic he had for the first six months! All the love and nurturing and that’s what I get! I know he didn’t mean it, but it broke my heart!

A short while later, he calls for me, sounding pretty pitiful. He was crying. He said he was very sorry for saying he hated me. He didn’t mean it and he loved me very much. I was glad he apologized, but dang, that hurt! I don’t remember reading a chapter about this in What to Expect When You’re Expecting!

Lynda is the mom of there and co-host of Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM's Bill & Lynda in the Morning. Find her here on Thursdays. Click here for her Facebook page.


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  • sloan3 May 18, 2012

    Hate is a four letter word. Famine is another "four letter" word.

  • Killian May 18, 2012

    Mine haven't ever used "the H word" but they do get angry with me. I generally tell them, "Your mother's evil. Any other questions? Good. Now get over it, accept your consequences, and move on."


  • wolfmom402 May 18, 2012

    They all go through those phases. When my granddaughter got to be around 15 she was sent to her room as punishment. And she always felt it necessary to slam her door. Well, after slamming it one time too many my son-in-law went upstairs, took the door off the hinges, took the door down to the garage and told her when she could start acting more mature instead of a small child he would hang the door back up. Needless to say she changed her attitude REAL quick!

  • hollylama May 17, 2012

    Better context would be if you stated why he got in trouble.

  • NCCaniac May 17, 2012

    All kids will do this at some point, but as others have said, the fact that his conscience got the better of him and he felt bad about it and apologized does show that you are doing it right. If more kids learned about apologizing and forgiveness at home by seeing that modeled in healthy ways be parents, the world would be a better place.

  • FlySwater May 17, 2012

    I can just see this - "Mom, I hate you!", "OMG, he didn't.....hmmm blog idea...." haha

  • frogluverlbc May 17, 2012

    well I always told my kids when they started telling me that they hated me, which by the way was alot, then I must be doing my job as a mom; they will soon get over that stage and onto some other words toward you.

  • msconnie13992 May 17, 2012

    Hey lynda,
    My son was 16 when he told me he hated me and wanted to move out....I just told him to go ahead and call 911 (I actually dialed it for him and he hung up the phone) anyway I told him if he went into the foster care system he wouldn't have a clue what he was getting, with us he knew who we are and what our goal is for all three of our children and if he wanted to go that route ...go for it....Needless to say, I couldn't get him out of my house once he turned 18, he stuck around until he was 25. Go figure

  • Iwasthinkin May 17, 2012

    I experienced this with my oldest daughter...ironically, On an occasion when we were snuggling and telling each other we loved them, I said to her. "I love hearing this from you...but one day you will tell me you hate me" She replied " Oh no, mommy, I will NEVER say that!!" I told her that I knew she would always love me but that there would come a moment when she was going thru puberty that it could happen...On the day that it did...she looked at me in utter disbelief that it had come out of her mouth....I think because I knew it was an eventuality that comes with that age that it didn't shock me but it did sadden me because no Mom ever wants to hear that from their children,,,,I survived and we are very close to this day! Hang in mommy it's a bumpy ride! but worth the trip!

  • LibertarianTechie May 17, 2012

    Yes he may have hurt your heart, at least he apologized later for it. He realized he said something in frustration and anger.