Amanda Lamb: Cancer is a full-time job

By Amanda Lamb

Posted: May 13, 2012

Since my mother was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, her care, and everything that goes along with that care, has consumed my family.

It is a journey we have chosen to undertake, but one we were pitifully unqualified for. As a result, we have had to learn to navigate the health care system and all that it entails in just a few short weeks.

When a loved one receives a diagnosis like this, you have to become a quick study in everything from filling out mountains of medical paperwork to how to navigate the complicated world of health insurance. This is not something a person facing this diagnosis can deal with.

My husband and I have had to research what Medicare, Blue Cross Blue Shield and longterm care insurance will pay for. We have navigated the complicated process of getting home health care resources like a hospital bed, and home health care providers, like a physical therapist.

In addition, as a caregiver to someone with a terminal illness, one has to manage the complex and ever-changing list of medications that must be given in specific doses and at specific times throughout the day.

This is in addition to the basic care you must provide - feeding, bathing, dressing, and transporting to doctors' appointments.

Throughout the process, I have wondered how people who don't have a family member to do all of this can make it through. It makes me so sad to think of someone going through this all alone. It is unimaginable, frankly.

My mother took care of me for 45 years. Now it is my turn to care for her. It is not a job I applied for, but it is one I do with my whole heart. Prior to this I was training for a marathon, a friend told me that now, instead, this journey is my marathon.

I haven't trained for it, but I am determined to make it to the finish line.

Amanda is the mom of two, a reporter for WRAL-TV and the author of several books including three on motherhood. Find her here on Mondays.

19 Comments

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Twelve years ago when I was 50 I moved my mother to my home to care for her. She was in the mid stages of Alzheimer's ,but quickly progressed to almost total disability. She died two years ago and it was a long,sad,bittersweet journey.I am so thankful I had this opportunity to return the loving care she gave me.My adult children were helpful and encouraging and learned lessons about life that are sometimes never experienced in our increasingly distant society.Finding doctors, dealing with medications, trying to decide what were the best treatment options were time consuming.You have an even more complicated situation and I know it will be exhausting. Amanda,I wish you the best, you are a good woman!

mdwrfw
May 13, 2012 10:01 p.m.

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Your mother is fortunate to have your love and care. Make sure you also remember to take care of yourself along the way, especially because you also have young kids and a husband you also care for. Take advantage of whatever help and support is available to you.

Zelda
May 13, 2012 10:21 p.m.

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Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your journey with your mother, Amanda. I never regretted a moment spent taking care of my parents. Even in the midst of sadness and sometimes exhaustion, there is a bond like never before...and that biblical "peace that passes understanding"...my prayers are that you and your family will be given the strength for the journey and that you mother will be blessed by such loving care given to her.

gammasandi
May 13, 2012 10:28 p.m.

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Still keeping you in my prayers....

Mommy2Caleb+Carly
May 13, 2012 11:46 p.m.

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My mother passed away more than 20 years ago from lung cancer. Thanks to God there were four of us to help care for her. Take care of yourself and your family as well. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you continue along your journey. These will be hard but blessed days, in a multitude of ways.

tinapowell
May 14, 2012 7:24 a.m.

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Having been a caregiver with little experience myself, I find a notebook the best tool in keeping up with medicines, appointments, visits etc. It also helped with scheduling others to be around when I needed a little "me" time. Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

2alegal
May 14, 2012 9:16 a.m.

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What a brave woman you are as is your entire family. Having had a relative with a malignant brain tumor, the journey is long and heart breaking. Your devotion to your mother is touching and you are certainly an awesome daughter. God speed and stay strong.

foster208
May 14, 2012 9:22 a.m.

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Amanda, This disease is like a lot of them including Alzheimers, we cared for my dad for more than 10 yrs with A, it was terrible to see a man of 6'2" 250 lbs go to 5'11" and 100 lbs. It nearly broke my heart. But my hat is off to my stepmother who stood by him every inch of the way.

tidymaid
May 14, 2012 9:55 a.m.

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Amanda, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, my family has just experienced a very similar situation, although it was hard, God lead everyone through it until the end, be strong and remember God is there for you.

njacobs317
May 14, 2012 10:02 a.m.

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Sometimes mainstream medicine is not the best and only way to go. Please consider alternative/natural treatments for your mother. I recommend reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Cancer-Is-Not-Disease-Mechanism/dp/097679442X/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1337008822&sr=8-4

goldbug
May 14, 2012 11:25 a.m.

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Amanda Lamb: Cancer is a full-time job

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