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Lynda Loveland

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Lynda Loveland: 1, 2, 3 ... 4?

By Lynda Loveland

Posted: May 9, 2012
Updated: May 10, 2012

Tags: Lynda Loveland, Mom's Life, Pregnancy and Planning

There’s a debate raging inside me, between my heart and my head.

Should I have another child?

My head tells me I’m an idiot and I have my hands full with three very active kids. But my heart keeps reminding me how much I loved being pregnant and how much I love babies and kids.

I think the thought of having another one has always been there, but my head has been powerful enough to keep squashing it. That is, until I see a baby or someone who’s preggers.

It’s amazing how strong that feeling is. I came to work one morning and when I went online, at the top of the page, was a picture of a newborn staring right into my eyes. In less than a minute, the image blurred from my tears.

I held my friend's new baby recently, same thing happened. I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt. I consider myself a pretty strong person, but babies bring me to my knees.

Another part of my dilemma is the fact that once I make up my mind, that’s it. There’s no going back.

Let’s be honest here. I’m 42. I’m moving past those bun in the oven years and the thought of not having that option kinda sends me reeling! It’s not about getting old, it’s about not having that ability to bring another life into the world. It’s such a special gift. One that’s hard to give up.

I’m pretty sure my mind’s made up. I just can’t help wondering, what if.

Lynda is the mom of three and co-host of Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM's Bill & Lynda in the Morning. Find her here on Thursdays. Click here to like her on Facebook.

Copyright 2012 by Capitol Broadcasting Company. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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31 Comments

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I'd gotten like that too and a friend told me to hurry up and get a puppy. We'd already been planning to get on getting one anyway. It was tough for me working in daycare and seeing all these chubby babies with big smiles each morning. My youngest just turned 3 and his version of the terrible 2's were the most terrible I've ever seen. The puppy fixed it. I still love babies but now I dont' get that "I need a baby feeling" anymore.

lilypony
May 10, 2012 12:00 p.m.

Well, I found out I was pregnant when I was just a few months shy of 40. Totally unplanned. I kind of freaked out a little bit, but you know what? It's been the best thing that has ever happened to me. His next sibling is 10.5 years older than him, but he is precious to all of us. Born exactly two weeks to the day after my 40th birthday. Yep, I'll be 60 when he's 20, but who cares? He keeps my husband and I young and since we have a younger child everyone assumes we are younger than we are. He had reminded all of us how precious life is and how each thing in life is filled with wonder and joy. Go for it. You'll never ever regret it. I even found that I loved going through the newborn stuff again. Even the sleepless nights were different because I knew that this was the last time for me and I cherished even the not so fun stuff. It's just different when you have a baby and you know it's your last. You really appreciate them even more.

kcastleberry
May 10, 2012 11:37 a.m.

Lynda, As the mom of three, ages 23, 20 and 17, I can tell you that 15 or so years ago, I thought of a 4th child and made the decision with my husband that 3 was our number. Now as those children are young adults, it was a good decision. With college, young adult decisions that are not always the "smart" decision, social expenses like prom, cell phones, girlfriends, etc., our decision was best for us financially and mentally!! It is always an individual decision, and I was like you. Loved being pregnant, never had any problems, loved being mom of toddlers, etc. But now, I am happy to wait for my young adults to find a person that makes them happy and when the time is right, have their own babies that grammy can love and cherish.

teri4
May 10, 2012 11:21 a.m.

Got one word for you...

Grandchildren

They're better than children in that you can play with them, spoil them, have all the benefits of children without any of the drawbacks. Then, when the bad parts start (the tantrums, the diapers, etc). You just send them on back to their parents.

Just be patient. You'll have grandkids soon enough.

Remember what the Grandfather on "Silver Spoons" once said, "Parents have to say 'No', Grandparents get to say 'Yes'."

clif4
May 10, 2012 10:51 a.m.

When my kids were 9 and 6 I started getting the urge for another. My husband was all for it. I told him I wanted to ride the feelings out for 9 months and if then I still wanted another, we'd go for it. Thankfully, I came to my senses nine months later and realized two was enough. 19 years later, no regrets.

blahblahblah
May 10, 2012 10:30 a.m.

My friend who has 6 would tell you that you've already reached the toughest change - going from 2 to 3, suddenly they out number the adults - so go for it! My friend with 3 that are 7 years then 2 years apart would tell you - do you really want to go back to the diaper bag era of life? LOL I longed to have children but couldn't. Fortunately, I married a man with a son and he couldn't be more 'my child' than if I'd carried him. Up until 4 years ago I still longed for a child but my grandson has taught me so much! I've learned that at 47 I love children but it is a great joy to be able to send them home when I get tired :)

grannybam07
May 10, 2012 10:07 a.m.

Lynda, I can so relate to what you're saying! I have 2 beautiful little girls, 10 and 7, and I too get very sentimental whenever I see a baby. A part of me would like to have another child but, being 46, I'm really at an age when I need to just focus on my girls and enjoy this time with them instead of starting all over. Still, it's hard closing that chapter of your life, the one where you start your family and have your newborn babies. There's nothing like the feel and smell of a baby and when they fall asleep on your chest, well, it's heaven. I remember crying for what seemed like hours the day I donated all off the girls' baby items to charity. It was so hard to say good-bye to that period in my life. But, I count my blessings and thank God for my wonderful girls and remind myself of the sleepless nights and diapers and that having a newborn is hard work and then I just let that wishful feeling go away = : ) Best of luck, whatever you decide to do!

mcrider1
May 10, 2012 9:42 a.m.

I have 11 and don't regret our decision AT ALL. We aren't 'overly religious' about it, or 'overly dutiful wife' about it. We have just loved our family. Our last daughter was stillborn but I don't regret getting pregnant with her at all. She was a huge blessing to our lives while we had her. We have 3 grown children, 7 at home from age 5 to 17, and I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I say go with what your heart tells you. You MAY regret not having another, but you will NEVER regret having one. I'd go with what I was sure of. :-)

bwright101
May 10, 2012 9:11 a.m.

After having our first 8 years ago, I never really had a desire to have anymore. Then, about 18 months ago, that changed...and our second child is now 23 weeks old. You know what? I think I'm ready for a third :-) I think you have to do whatever works for you, but it is hard to ignore the cuteness of babies.

justbcauz
May 10, 2012 8:59 a.m.

I am 35 years old and now have a 5 year old and a 4 month old. We have two boys and the issue has come up so many times about trying for a girl. But we are blessed with our two little boys. And my husband has committed to being at home with them until the younger one has started school. So having another child would be selfish on my part. I don't want to deter my husband's goals in life just because I want to try for a girl. And age is a big thing. You want to be able to to walk at your child's wedding and not be in a wheelchair, etc. I also had to think about our home - would we need to move to have another child, etc? And college too - it seems a monumental task right now to provide for two. And the biggest thing is to pray about it. Children are a blessing from God and if it is His will, then follow it. Happy Mother's Day, and God bless you and your family.

murdock
May 10, 2012 8:55 a.m.

Lynda-I heard you speaking about this on the radio the other morning and I feel your pain. I have 2 step sons and my only child a girl my husband doesn't want more kids but to be honest I "think ?" I do, but I'm not 100% sure I do. Someone in my life told me that if you have to keep rethinking it or have a doubt then it is not the right decision. Be honest with yourself and remember that down the line you will have plenty of babies to hold in your grandchildren. Speak with your husband and be sure that your honest with eachother also. My daughter changed my life and I know each of yours have changed yours and I know that you will make the decision that is best for you and your family and I can promise you that whatever your decision you will not regret it. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY :)

jebar
May 10, 2012 8:40 a.m.

My fourth child is very special and unique. I wouldn't want to imagine my life without her. Four children is not easy but most things in life that are worthwhile are not.

lbbrogden
May 10, 2012 8:36 a.m.

I did not want to be pregnant after 35. Therefore after I reached that age and already gave birth to a healthy boy and girl, the "baby blues" really never happened for me. Now when I look back (and have a 2 year old grandson) I'm happy with my decision. Do what you have to do Lynda..:) and Happy Mother's Day!

snowl
May 10, 2012 8:29 a.m.

Babies are cute, but then they become teenagers, ugh!

clnh4405
May 10, 2012 7:43 a.m.

Lynda, my wife are I are your age and people ask us if we are going to have a second. We tell them how can you improve upon perfection?! Our almost 11 year old son is great!

I can't imagine staying up all night through the crying and changing diapers again. Having kids is a game for the young!!

SaveEnergyMan
May 10, 2012 7:36 a.m.

Children are wonderful and a true blessing from the good Lord above. But sometimes we have to stop and count our blessings.

Yes there are concerns about women over 40 having children, but it's not just that age; you have to think of ages down the road.

If you have another child now, you will be in your early 60's when that child graduates high school. You'll be juggling retirement vs. paying for a child in college (hopefully both of which have been saved for).

And then there's the health issue. You seem to be in excellent health, but what if something happens to you or your husband? You want to be able to enjoy seeing your child grow up, get married, have children, and play with / emjoy your grandchildren.

Again, children are an amazing blessing; I have 3 :) And the choice to have or not to have children is a personal decision. I know at 37 I couldn't imagine having a newborn again. Just make sure you & hubby discuss it together and reach the decision together.

carousel mom
May 9, 2012 11:51 p.m.

I PRAY this is short lived, but you are more than welcome to borrow my baby for about 5 hours every day, that is how long she cries...we have tried about 7 formulas/3 medicines and she is only 5 weeks old. I never in a million years prepared for this. We were doing great with a 5 year old little boy and now we are homebound for Lord knows how long for fear she will scream and be inconsolable. I know this is short-lived (at least that is what people tell me. My son was not like this) but it does make you think...it's tough. REAL tough...good luck on whatever you decide.

Mommy2Caleb+Carly
May 9, 2012 11:27 p.m.

I only have 2 children, but I too have been going back and forth with the decission of expanding my family again. I too get emotional when getting around babies or people who are preggers. I really want another child, but the two I already have keep me super busy already...Im sure that if I was blessed with another child I would figure out how to better manage my time between them all...

missynkinzie
May 9, 2012 10:57 p.m.

There's never a bad time to have a baby. I have never heard someone regret having a child. Children are a blessing from the Lord!

fredbunch
May 9, 2012 10:17 p.m.

I think it would be wonderful, but it would definitely be a challenge. I feel much the way you do right now, and it is difficult wondering if you would regret not having another. Our only child is 7 and we have always wanted two. Only, now we can finally afford to do so, but we have been unsuccessful in conceiving. So, now I blame myself for waiting. I guess it is difficult to be a mother and not have as many children as you want to. However, parenting during our lives is much more challenging than it used to be, with societal issues and school pressures. I guess having another is more about whether you can still find balance in your life. Just know that there are many more of us struggling with the same decision.

bgrmom
May 9, 2012 9:46 p.m.

When my youngest started kindergarten I had a strong urge to have another, and she was my forth child. That whole year I really wanted a baby. Now that she is in forth grade I am glad that I didn't "start over". It also helps that I have a young niece and nephew to fill the baby void!

mommyof4
May 9, 2012 9:11 p.m.

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