Lynda Loveland: 1, 2, 3 ... 4?

There’s a debate raging inside me, between my heart and my head.

Should I have another child?

My head tells me I’m an idiot and I have my hands full with three very active kids. But my heart keeps reminding me how much I loved being pregnant and how much I love babies and kids.

I think the thought of having another one has always been there, but my head has been powerful enough to keep squashing it. That is, until I see a baby or someone who’s preggers.

It’s amazing how strong that feeling is. I came to work one morning and when I went online, at the top of the page, was a picture of a newborn staring right into my eyes. In less than a minute, the image blurred from my tears.

I held my friend's new baby recently, same thing happened. I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt. I consider myself a pretty strong person, but babies bring me to my knees.

Another part of my dilemma is the fact that once I make up my mind, that’s it. There’s no going back.

Let’s be honest here. I’m 42. I’m moving past those bun in the oven years and the thought of not having that option kinda sends me reeling! It’s not about getting old, it’s about not having that ability to bring another life into the world. It’s such a special gift. One that’s hard to give up.

I’m pretty sure my mind’s made up. I just can’t help wondering, what if.