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Lynda Loveland: 1, 2, 3 ... 4?

By Lynda Loveland

Posted: May 9, 2012
Updated: May 10, 2012

Tags: Lynda Loveland, Mom's Life, Pregnancy and Planning

There’s a debate raging inside me, between my heart and my head.

Should I have another child?

My head tells me I’m an idiot and I have my hands full with three very active kids. But my heart keeps reminding me how much I loved being pregnant and how much I love babies and kids.

I think the thought of having another one has always been there, but my head has been powerful enough to keep squashing it. That is, until I see a baby or someone who’s preggers.

It’s amazing how strong that feeling is. I came to work one morning and when I went online, at the top of the page, was a picture of a newborn staring right into my eyes. In less than a minute, the image blurred from my tears.

I held my friend's new baby recently, same thing happened. I’d forgotten how wonderful it felt. I consider myself a pretty strong person, but babies bring me to my knees.

Another part of my dilemma is the fact that once I make up my mind, that’s it. There’s no going back.

Let’s be honest here. I’m 42. I’m moving past those bun in the oven years and the thought of not having that option kinda sends me reeling! It’s not about getting old, it’s about not having that ability to bring another life into the world. It’s such a special gift. One that’s hard to give up.

I’m pretty sure my mind’s made up. I just can’t help wondering, what if.

Lynda is the mom of three and co-host of Mix 101.5 WRAL-FM's Bill & Lynda in the Morning. Find her here on Thursdays. Click here to like her on Facebook.

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I was in your same dilema 17 yrs ago. We had had our first three in rapid succession and like you, extremely busy in those early years...but I didn't feel 'done' so after eights years....at the age of 43 we opted to do it one more time. Yep, worth it and I would do it again....Yes my youngest son has older parents (When he was a baby I once had someone ask me if I was his grandma!...I really don't look THAT old) but I think the wisdom that comes from life lived has benefitted all of us. If your heart is singing the baby song one more time, I encourage you to consider it...Ours has been a very good experience...And besides, you'll have a little one that still thinks you hung the moon while your 'teenagers' are telling you you don't know anything!! LOL

Iwasthinkin
May 14, 2012 8:46 a.m.

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Hi Lynda, I have two children (Girl 21 & Boy 19). I could not imagine starting over, I am just at that stage in my life (41). I think this is because I had my children at such a young age. I was full of energy when they were young because I was young. No my husband and I can finally enjoy each other after 23 years. My daughter is getting married in July and my husband and I are looking forward to the idea of grand children in a few years. I know the decision is hard but maybe give yourself some time and if after that time you still feel you want another then go for it girl, from what I can tell by your blog, you and your husband are great parents!

I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day :-)

knzsmom
May 11, 2012 12:51 p.m.

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Hi Lynda, I am in agreement with praying to the L-rd and seeing how you and your family are to proceed. From personal experience, my husband and I had our three children in our forties. Our children's ages are 4-1/2, 2-1/2, and 10 months old. We are done having children. Everyday I get closer to 45. You can do the math... As far as I can tell, our kids are healthy. Aside from the nervous twitches and being cross-eyed tired, we are deliriously happy to be blessed with our cherubs, and the jury is still out as to whether my husband and I are still sane from having three children in our forties. Biological age should not prohibit you from having another child. Best wishes and thank you for your blogpost. It is a joy to read.

sheilahbdesign2
May 10, 2012 9:51 p.m.

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Lynda, just pray on it and see where the Lord leads you. I have four - baby #3 turned out to be babies #3 and #4! All mine are under 8 so it's a lot of work for a (now) single mom, but they are all blessings and the joy of my life. I'll pray for you, and ask Him to let His will be done for you.

ekconnelly
May 10, 2012 8:25 p.m.

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I cac completely understand your feelings. My sister-in-law, also 42, is expecting and has two boys, ages 11 and 9. This sweet baby is a bit of a surprise. I am thinking I will live vicariously through her. :) Being the same age, I too wrestle with the finality of never having more children; I am quite content with the two I have, but have a hard time accepting that a door could be closed forever. There are things that are simply indescribable like feeling a baby kick in your womb. I pray that God will lead you in this decision.

cmk617
May 10, 2012 6:00 p.m.

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I was 43 when my third child was born. He's 15 now and at 59 I'm looking at putting 2 kids through college in the next few years, and retirement is a distant dream. I wouldn't trade my son for the world, but it would have been nice to have been able to get the baby-making finished up a few years earlier. I'm just saying, think about what having a teenager will be like when you are coming up on 60!

elainepischke
May 10, 2012 4:48 p.m.

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"Lynda should be grateful for the three she already has.--ktinnc"

Ummmm, how do you know that she's not? She expresses a genuine thought and is immediately judged. Maybe she is extremely grateful for her children and family, and therefore, would welcome more blessings from God.

gobblegobble
May 10, 2012 2:12 p.m.

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Every animal (humans included) have the instinct to spread their genes. Once you get to a point where your youngest child requires less intensive care, it frees those instincts to start pushing for another one. It's that simple.

claygriffith01
May 10, 2012 2:03 p.m.

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I was pregnant with my first child when we adopted a 12 year old. We had five more biological children making a total of 7. The only reason we did not have more was because I was only a few months away from turning 45 when our last child was born. I loved being pregnant and I love children. Only you can decide how you would feel if you had another child or if you stopped at 3. I will pray that you make the right decision for yourself so that you will have no regrets whichever way you choose.

heidione40
May 10, 2012 12:38 p.m.

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I stopped at 2 but that was my and my husbands choice. If you and your husband want more kids than you go with what you feel inside your heart, not because of your age.

kellypratz
May 10, 2012 12:03 p.m.

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Lynda Loveland: 1, 2, 3 ... 4?

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