Go Ask Mom

Go Ask Mom

Moms' Self-Esteem: Are we 'waiting' to get our sexy back?

Posted May 3, 2012

Lori Verni-Fogarsi

Editor's Note: This month, Lori Verni-Fogarsi, a local mom and author of the new book 'Momnesia,' will be sharing weekly posts starting today, reminding us moms that's important not to forget about ourselves. Check back next Friday for another post. Click here to read my earlier post about Lori.

Moms. We’re just so… mommyish. Which is a good thing, for the most part! I mean, it’s important to take good care of the children we’ve brought into this world and for most of us, our “momminess” is not the struggle.

Our sexiness? That’s another issue altogether, and much harder to maintain in face of the daily challenges of parenting. In my novel, “Momnesia,” an average suburban mom concludes that she’s become completely overrun by her dedication to being a good mom, and realizes that she (and everyone else) has forgotten about herself as a regular person. A woman. A sexy, fun-loving lady who has interests other than rhyming books and PTA meetings. She sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness.

The problem? She doesn’t feel sexy anymore, and according to many women I’ve spoken with in real life, this is very common. In fact, one of the most frequent comments I hear is, “Sexiness? Yeah, right!”

Many of us have a tendency to look back at who we used to be. Whether a high school cheerleader or an average gal, we often feel like we’ve strayed so far, it’s almost unimaginable that we’d ever feel the way we did before kids. Between that and all we see in the media, it’s no wonder so many of us feel decidedly un-sexy.

To some extent, we’re right. The fact is, we’re not in high school and we’re never going to look and feel exactly like we did before kids. In the story, the main character comes to this conclusion and realizes that if she “waits” to feel sexy again, she could easily be waiting forever. She also concludes that it would be extraordinarily unlikely that she would look back in 10 years and think she looks any better then, than she did right now: “The Chicken Belly Flap Thing and all the other imperfections would undoubtedly still be there, but there would also be innumerable other blemishes; physical woes I hadn’t even thought of yet.”

So many of us are “waiting for” something to happen before we “allow ourselves” to feel sexy again, but really it’s up to us to make it happen in our own hearts and minds. In our actions. In the way we think about our Selves. Instead of mourning all of the things that have changed, we can make the choice to appreciate the positive characteristics we do have, right now, at this time in our lives.

So, what do you say ladies? Shall we bring our sexy back, starting now? You bet!

Lori Verni-Fogarsi is the author of the hot new novel, "Momnesia." She has been a freelance writer, columnist, journalist, and seminar speaker for more than 15 years, and has authored one nonfiction book. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. Learn more at www.LoriTheAuthor.com.

Next week, she'll write about realistic daily decadences for moms.

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  • pipolia25 May 5, 2012

    Listen, I have cottage cheese,an inner tube around my middle and gray roots. I cook, clean, and take care of my family and our home. These things which are a not sexy are just part of our life as mothers and wives. The key to feeling SEXY is feeling good about yourself. So, I take time to paint my nails, get my hair done, buy nice clothes and work out six days. My husband helps make me feel sexy. If your's isn't capabale of making you feel sexy, then reach inside your head and figure out what it is about you that turns YOU off. Focus on that and change it. In the interim, pick yourself up a copy of James' "Fifty Shades of Grey" and read it with a glass of wine before bed one night. When you go on date nights don't talk about your kids. Don't go on dates anymore, why not? Did you whoop it up on New Year's are you going out for Cinco de Mayo? These are grown up things to do and feeling sexy is a grown up thing. If all you do is Mom, you'll be hard pressed to find your SEXY in just that