Solo Mom: Love is in the air

By Stacy Lamb

Posted: February 7, 2012

Ah February … red hearts, flowers, and cupids everywhere, reminding us of “Singles Awareness Day,” as some of us joke. Love is in the air for sure, and it’s got me thinking about the future – but not necessarily my own.

It’s popular wisdom that little girls grow up and marry men just like their fathers. I’m not sure about the validity of that statement, and I’m certainly no psychology expert, but many of us single moms struggle with this notion. To some extent, everyone complains about their ex – whether it be because he treated her poorly or simply because he is “absent,” or any number of possibilities.

I think moving on requires two major realizations. First of all, if things were ALL bad you wouldn’t have stayed with the guy for so long – so think about the positives, and be sure to enlighten your daughter (and/or son). Secondly, not all men are terrible (I’d even argue most of them are pretty good people) – and this is where I think we mothers can help influence our daughters' future choices.

When my kids’ father first walked out, my friends rallied around me, full of support. Everyone asked what they could do to help. My answer to the guys was always the same: Treat me with respect in front of my daughter so that she will see how a woman should be treated, and also in front of my son so he will learn what kind of man he should be. I have never been let down.

This Valentine’s Day, I am especially appreciative of all of the good men in my life, and in my kids’ lives. My daughter has spent the last few weeks incessantly making cards for so many people that it has become exhausting to keep count. I really can’t complain about having too much love in my life. She’s a happy, well adjusted kid, and she knows she is loved by many. I have no doubt she will make good choices for herself in the future.

Maybe it really does take a village to raise a child …

Stacy Lamb of Apex is the divorced mom of two. She also is organizer for Single Parents of the Triangle. Find her here monthly on Wednesday.

7 Comments

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Good job! Thank you for upholding the values of family, despite the disappointment you experienced. You taught your friends how to "step-up" and become role models to benefit your children. Excellent example of taking charge of your family when your marriage could not be saved.

right2life
February 7, 2012 9:31 p.m.

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Stacy - I LOVE your piece this morning, please keep doing this! I completely resonate with the need for us to provide positive reinforcement and role models for our kids even in the face of the difficulties that we struggle with as single parents. As hard as it is, I keep coming back to the fact that my son knows that his mother is part of him and I need to be positive about her for his sake and that he needs to see people (particularly women) being positive about me, also for his sake.

relgibttehrstuff
February 8, 2012 10:20 a.m.

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It's good to know that some of us are "pretty good people". :-)

Very nice article. It's more important than ever for children to have positive influences in their lives.

tdebord
February 8, 2012 1:07 p.m.

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It absolutely takes a village to raise a child, even if there are two parents in the home.

Kudos to you for showing your kids that divorce does not have to equal demon. I hate it when divorced parents trash the other person in front of the kids. It devalues the children, because the kid is half of each of you.

You're a great example to your kids. Cheers!

Killian
February 8, 2012 2:21 p.m.

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Great story and you are so true. My husband and I each brought a son to our family and one of the things we agreed on before marriage is that our primary job in life is to raise men. You know the real men that say yes sir and hold doors for women. The men who are kind and curteous and respectful. At a basketball game this past weekend, my 15 year old son held out his hand for an older woman to pass by us in the seats. He also got complimented by an older couple who he held the door for on the way in....These are the kind of men we are raising. It sounds as if you are doing the same with your children so kudos to you!

angelienna
February 8, 2012 4:30 p.m.

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I hear you, but I only hear you write about how your ex "walked out" and "abandoned" you, etc. Not demonstrating much respect there, even if it's true.

Hope your kids don't read your blog.

beaupeep
February 8, 2012 7:04 p.m.

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LOVE your article!